I've just spoken to my best mate, who recommended this site. But she is married to a real idiot of a man. He is nasty to his step son and continually tells my friend to "sort her son out" and is always yelling at her. She feels she can't leave because she hasn't anywere to go and doesn't want to lose the house she has just moved to. She also doesn't want to move jobs or her sons school. She lives miles from friends and family. Last week she bought him a salard home. Which she picked with his favourite bits in. But he went mad and through her son's dinner all over the floor and because it didn't have enough lettice??? What can I tell her to do?
2007-01-30 10:04:18 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have a friend whose husband is like that. I just keep my mouth shut. I figure, if she wants to live with someone like that, then it's not my place to say anything to her, unless she asks.
If she asks, I'd tell her she should demand the respect she gives him, and if he doesn't like it, he could pick up his bum from the curb, and find a shrew that gets into that kind of thing.
2007-01-30 10:11:56 · answer #1 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm a domestic violence survivor and I have had the worst kind of violence you can imagine,
I didn't just have one violent husband, I ended up making the same mistake again,
However I realised quickly 2nd time and got out.
My sister once tried to lock me in her house so that I wouldn't go back to him as he'd tried to strangle me- But I still went back to him
Speaking from experience, you have to try something different,
She is putting her son at risk, and I would tell her straight that if she doesn't get tough and do something and act like a grown woman then you will go the the Social Services or the Police.
She can't go on like this, and bullies only respond to strength,
He's making her weak and you have to help her get strong.
I know you want to help, and she may fall out with you over it for a while but something has to give.
She is programmed to be like him, to think like him and he'll probably be telling her that no-one else will want her but this isn't true.
She believes she loves him, but she's so used to him being like it, that she's become to expect the abuse and in a strange kind of way dependant on it
Help her build her self-esteem
Since I left my ex a year ago my life has been amazing,There is so much to look forward too,
I just bought my 1st car and I'm studying law
2007-01-31 01:19:06 · answer #2 · answered by Elle J Morgan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As someone with children of my own, i'd say you need to point out the damage she is doing to her son. Even if the anger isn't directed at her son, you need to let your friend know she is teaching her son that this is normal and that it will be perfectly ok for him to grow up and do exactly the same, to both his mum and any future partners he'll have in his adult life.
If she leaves then she's showing her son that it's not ok to accept abuse from somebody else or to give it out. Kids don't just need 2 parents they need a happy home, and if for his home to be a safe, calm and relaxed environment he only lives with one parent then that's the best place to be.
There are people who can help, so a good place to start would be citizens advice who can give her all the correct people to talk to for help .
2007-01-31 19:32:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm, sounds a bit like abuse to me but if your friend doesn't recognize it, then it's a little difficult for you to do anything about it but be there for her. Perhaps encourage her that she needs to do the right thing for her and her son. Her husband obviously doesn't love her because if he did, he would respect her and her son. Even though she feels as if she's all alone, I'm sure she's not. There are lots of places women can go to feel safe and these organizations teaches women how to be self-sufficient - maybe you could look into that for her.
2007-01-30 18:19:37 · answer #4 · answered by mauinei34 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your friend needs to make a decision - pick either her son's future or this jerk of a boyfriend!
Remember, young men begin to emulate the adult men in their lives - both the positive and NEGATIVE behaviors! I worry for her safety - but overall... I worry that she is raising her son to treat women in a way that she doesn't like!
She needs to try and find a "shelter" or some establishment that can help abused/battered women and their children, if there is not any family or friends nearby to help!
Good Luck!
2007-01-30 18:13:21 · answer #5 · answered by Glory 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She won't do anything as long as she lives in fear of this man. She needs to find a shelter and some good support if she's intent on getting rid of this person. Aside from that, an icepick to the brain would solve it but open up a whole new world of problems for the lass.
2007-01-30 18:12:07 · answer #6 · answered by genetic_traitor 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let me get this straight....this is a grownup behaving this way???? First of all......I was dating a guy that sounds just like the one your mate is dating.....It took me 5 months but I realized that things would never get better unless I gave up my kids and my friends and my life in order for HIM to be happy. The reason being is that it was always about him. When he met me he knew I had a family, that I was a 'package deal'. After awhile I realized he was jellous of my love for my kids. No descent man would ever ask a woman to put him first before her children. Mine did.
That seems to be what your mates boyfriend is acting just like. My kids are my world and I'm not giving them up for some man. NO WAY IN HELL!!! I have good kids too and he was a total a** to my 2 older ones. I asked him to appologize and he refused.
I'm sorry to tell you that the man your friend is with will probably just get worse and so she needs to get her priorities in order. Material things are replacable, people aren't.
She is a mother and she needs to remember that. I had to move my kids 4 times in one year and no matter how hard it was, as long as I had my kids with me and I protected them the best I could, I knew we would be okay.
Your friend has a child to raise, tell her she doesn't need another one. If she has to move so be it and if her son has to change schools, it couldn't possibly be as detrimental to him as putting up with the a** she has been exposing her son to. If she doesn't protect her son who will????
******** TELL HER TO GET OUT OF THERE********
If she can't do it for herself then do it for her boy. She will be teaching her son that it is not acceptable to treat people that way if she leaves. If she stays and puts up with it then she will be teaching him that this behavior of her boyfriends is acceptable.
Hope this helps. I know this situation all too well
2007-01-30 19:03:37 · answer #7 · answered by HDlovinggal 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well for the past year I have stayed and only talked to her on the phone because he was rude and drunk alot. I waited and was here for the time he showed his *** and they are now getting a divorce and I am here for her. I will be here if she goes back even cause I love her but I dont have to put up with him to be there for her or love her and her kids. Wait for her to make her own mind up and let her come to you and when she does be there to help her pick up the pieces. Good Luck to you both.
2007-01-30 18:37:39 · answer #8 · answered by soulmate_n_nc 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She already knows better than you do what sort of man she is with. If it doesn't bother her enough to make her go, then it isn't your place to interfere. The best you can do is be supportive so she knows that whether she stays or goes she has a friend. If she is worried about things that you can help her with, then offer your help. But, really it is her decision to make and it seems she has made it.
2007-01-30 18:12:48 · answer #9 · answered by Aloe-ish-us 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry to hear of your problem. What i would do. Is arrange for people to teach a bit of a lesson. If you get my drift. You have heard of the expression a kick up the back side to kick them in to touch. Well this is a little more advanced.
2007-01-31 08:57:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to take him and move to a place or apartment in the same school district... This is the best way for now. Then she needs to work on her marriage and try to seek counseling and help for it. She does not have to move far from her job either.
2007-01-30 18:13:02 · answer #11 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋