About once every 6 months or so, my husband decides to go out drinking by himself against my wishes. When he does this, he stays out until early morning and drifts in drunk and beligerant, frequently after drunk driving. I am not only concerned about what prompts this need, but that he safety is at risk. When I get upset over this he says I am just trying to control him, that he needs independent contact after working from home all day and that he slept most of it off in the car before driving home. I might add that he adds to my stress by not always answering his cell phone because he says I will just complain, which is also suspicious. The rest of the time this man is such a good companion, with me all the time and we have fun together, so I keep forgiving him and thinking he must be telling the truth, but I can't get him to explain this need of his and it hurts me. Can any one provide some insight?
2007-01-30 10:01:14 · 22 answers · asked by tlc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Damn Hun....bad problem for sure
Cheating under these circumstances is always a possibility.
We are men. Sometimes we need our time. But it looks like he has a problem...a serious one at that!
For one, it appears you would have a lot to lose by leaving him. On the other hand you can't be in a marriage that has dark secrets like that...trust me I BEEN THERE! And, sadly enough i was the one doing it for my own reasons. Before you play the "cheat card" base it on what you know for sure.
You are correct for having suspicions. But don't base anything on what you just think. I know it ain't the answer you want to hear, but find out for sure.
Good luck!
2007-01-30 10:13:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't have a problem with a man going out for a drinking session every 6 months, that's only 2 times a year and you say he's a good husband. Sure he could be cheating but I think he would be out much more often and probably not come home drunk. Just accept that he needs to do this and support him. However, tell him that he should take cabs because you worry about his safety. If he takes a cab tell him you will feel happy about his little drinking sessions.
2007-01-30 10:10:54 · answer #2 · answered by smilingtalker_au 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he really does just need to get out of the house. He has already told you that he has a need to be alone away from home since this is where he works from as well. I would be concerned to about the drunk driving. If he is only doing it every 6 months then I dont see it as being that big of a problem. Maybe you should talk to him when he is sober and tell him that you love him and that you dont know what you would do if something happened to him. Then plead with him to just take a taxi home instead of driving. Let him know that you are not nagging but that you really love him and want him to be safe. I dont know if he is cheating, visit that website that the person left to see if he has any other signs. This just sounds like a boys night out thing to me....
2007-01-30 10:12:08 · answer #3 · answered by msnothinbutalady 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Usually when someone is drinking and had so much to drink, they tend to be relax and do tell the truth on how they really feel.
It is like everything just comes out, like the truth. It also could be that he is going through some type of depression that he needs to drink to overcome the pain. Just not sure what his pain is. So that's where you come in. You need to talk to him, calmly without the nagging and complaining, let him know that you are concerned for his health and just want to get to the bottom of why he chooses to go out and seek drinking, rather than staying home with you to talk to about his problems. Don't get upset when talking to him, otherwise he will not tell you anything.
If he doesn't answer his cell phone, maybe it is because all you do it complain to him and maybe he is getting tired of you complaining to him. So stop your complaining to him, if you want him to open up to you. If he is busy, he will not aswer his cell phone, no need to be suspicious!
Now, when you start asking him about why he spends his night so late and doesn't come home until the morning and he gets defensive, then it could be that he is not being honest with you. It could be a serious issue too.
And oh my God, you are saying that he does all this every 6 months??? I just saw this, and you are complaining about it? So before the 6 months he is spending it with you with no problem at all? I can understand you getting upset with him drinking and driving and coming home in the morning, but you are getting upset because he does this every 6 months? Don't you think that he needs to have time alone sometime without you and just wants to get away from your complaining to him all the time?
You may want to consider on reading, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage". Because with you being the person that you are, you are throwing your husband away!
2007-01-30 10:21:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can provide a little insight. About once a month I go out with out my husband. It's just time to be an individual and it makes me a much better person because I'm relaxed. Not only that, as much as I love my husband, I need a break from him once in a while. My husband flips out but it's something I need. I never cheat and the thought of it grosses me out.
2007-01-30 11:55:18 · answer #5 · answered by Tasha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should be concerned with him cheating on you. I mean once every 6 months is nothing, now if he was doing this once a week i'd be concerned.
As far as the not answering the cellphone, I don't see this as a problem either. I rarely answer the cellphone especially if i am busy doing something else.
sounds as if you are a nagging wife.
2007-01-30 10:16:47 · answer #6 · answered by michael_trussell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't tell you why your husband treats you this way... however, I would look into finding a cell phone with GPS capacity - and then, even if he doesn't answer your calls... you will know where he is! That way, if he gets into an accident or something, you can still try to find him.
I wish there was more to say about this... but there are SO many possibilities, I do not want to speculate!
Good Luck!
2007-01-30 10:06:21 · answer #7 · answered by Glory 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So why could or no longer that's substantial to teach infidelity only to get divorced? If he promises economic protection now, then a choose could anticipate him to grant that when divorce. My feeling is he would not have a job and neither do you. He leaves for weeks and would not even call homestead to envision on the youngsters? large Dad you chosen on your babies. call it quits and concentration on your self and your babies. document for divorce so which you would be able to get an order for infant help for the youngsters and you will start up getting your existence lower back on course. Who cares if he's a cheater. he's clearly no longer a physically powerful husband or a physically powerful father. do no longer waste any further time.
2016-11-23 14:46:29 · answer #8 · answered by malott 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop be so forgiving and put your foot down... when, not if, when he either kills himself or God forbid someone with a child in the car, are you going to feel better about avoiding the conflict?
I find it fascinating you're more worried about his pants being down than his destructive drinking! Give him an ultimatum.. REHAB or hit the road, Jack. And MEAN IT.
Otherwise, all you can hope for is he hits a damn tree instead of a minivan with a family of 5 in it................
2007-01-30 10:08:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, the only thing I can suggest is FOLLOW HIM! If you have 2 cars don't use yours ask a friend, but not close family. Try to stay as low key as possible. Give this little trick a try and you may just find out which hussie is stealing your man!
2007-01-30 10:13:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋