Women, child rearing and social pressure?

Question

I saw a question posted the other day pertaining to someone who knew a woman who was tricking her significant other into having a baby by lying about her birth control. I've heard of and even seen tons of situations like these and that coupled with the number of young women I know who seem to be obcessed with getting pregnant made me wonder what makes females so preoccupied with the whole concept? Is it biology? Like we have baby-mania ingrained in our DNA and estrogen takes over when we become sexually active, making us practically crave pregnancy. Or do you, like me, believe that society has a lot to do with it? Little girls all over the world are encouraged to play will dolls, and impressionable children are then already thinking of motherhood. Women who are unable to reproduce naturally tend to have a number of psychological problems, feeling inept and inadequate as a human being. Your thoughts on this?

Answer 1

I wouldn't discount the biological drive to procreate--that is a pretty strong force in nature, however, the underlying answer is probably much more complex. Partially, I don't doubt that women want committed relationships and in an effort to force the issue become pregnant (with predictably disasterous consequences most of the time). Then, the social aspect weighs in with the "acceptable roles" being nurse, teacher, mother, wife, society gives women a lot of mixed messages, though. Anymore, it isn't uncommon to push the superwoman image of mother/career-woman/caregiver. So, to me, the mixed ideas kind of dilutes Western society's role in terms of pushing for procreation. The birthrate isn't exactly sky-rocketing in most Western countries--particularly some areas of Europe.

I've known plenty of women who don't have children who don't appear to feel inadequate. It is definitely a label some try to give them but I don't doubt that it is possible to be childless and perfectly stable--emotionally.

It is a complex question, though. The biological drive, the limited time frame women have (biological clocks are still very real!) to work with, serial monogamy, male-female politics, social conditioning--all of these issues come together to push women to either want (or not want) children.

As a young woman with an undergraduate degree staying home with two children and one child on the way (we're probably quite DONE after this...and I'm equally relieved and sad at the thought) I can definitely say it doesn't get any easier--at least in terms of figuring out where you fit into things. Being an at-home parent is a blessing wrapped in an existential crisis. After nearly 8 years, trust me, my baby fever is very much wearing off! If you're female there seem to be no shortage of people, magazine articles, religions and other things ready and rarin' to tell you who you are supposed to be and why you are evil for not doing whatever it is.

Oh well, that's life. You do your best to muddle through and hopefully manage to have some fun along the way.

Answer 2

Well, coming at it from a sociobiological bent (that is, that social behavior has a biological basis), liking babies helps your offspring survive. Women *always* know whether a baby is theirs, so it makes sense that they would have a very strong mothering drive. Men can't be so sure, and don't want to waste too many resources on a baby that may not carry their genes. Of course, women find childrearing in men an attractive quality, so there is some environmental pressure on male genes to instill a fathering drive.

Obviously, most of your genes were already in place long before reliable birth control was invented, and probably before people even understood that sex makes babies. But your genes are smart. They just make you like babies (and, of course, sex); then you apply your intelligence to the problem of getting the babies. It's exactly the same as hunger. Your genes don't tell you to go to Taco Bell, but they do tell you GO GET FOOD NOW and then you figure out the rest.

Answer 3

its a mix. Women do have a biological clock and it is hurtful when we can't reproduce.
But the earlier statement about the tricking somebody into having a baby, is usually a tactic made by scared females in an attempt to hold onto a man. Is it wrong....ABSOLUTELY. Using a child to trap a man is heinous and borderline abuse of the child. You are putting their needs and wants behind those of you and your man.
But when a woman gets to that point that she actually yearns for a child, it is a very intense pull, that is even painful at times. Having society treat you as a leper doesn't help at all.

Answer 4

I can only answer from my world. I loved my (foster) mother. Her example and desire to have a child was amazing to me. 21 miscarriages. She raised me to be a mother. My dolls was her way to show me how to bathe, change diapers, hold properly, and wrap warmly in a blanket. I cannot remember when I did not want to be a mom.
However, I was 37 when I had my first child. I would never trick someone into having a child. It can really come back to bite you.