I'm confused with my relationship. I have two beautiful children that will be living with their dad in another state and I'm with the man I'm so in love with, but I feel that we are drifting apart. A perfect example is when I had gotten sick he didn't take care of me but his 16 year old daughter did. I was told he's not effectionate that way as far as nursing someone even his own children back to health, but when he would not feel good I'm there for him. It does hurt knowing he chooses to be this way. I wish he could be open with me on how much he really feels about me and I would know exactly what I would need to do in order to keep living with him or move to the same state my kids live in, knowing that their dad is in the military and here pretty soon he is going to transfer to another base and then what, as for me to keep moving as well which I know I can not afford to do that? Please help.
2007-01-30 08:48:24 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Depending on the ages of your children, if you want to be near them then that should be your first priority. Otherwise, the guy that you are with now, well. Some men are not nurturing and if you have issues with him than sort it out so you can make an informed decision as to breaking up with him or not; if you can, try and take a more active role in your children's lives, can they stay summer vacations with you, etc?
2007-01-30 08:55:37 · answer #1 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have an honest talk with your boyfriend. Tell him how you really feel. Let him know that you feel you are drifting apart, and that you love him very very much. As for caring for you when you were sick that is a very man thing to do. Most men are not great at nursing someone who is ill even if they love them very much. As for your two children you need to really look in your heart and discover if you want and or can live so far away from them. I knwo it is hard finacially but if it is something you can manage do it. Your kids are only young once and they do need their mom. If after talking with your boyfriend and it isn't the relationship you want then I would seriously try to go where your kids are. I spent a year away from my daughter out of necessity and I have to honestly say it was the worst year of my life only being able to communicate by phone. We live together again and even though it is a finacial hardship it is one I gladly take on just to be with her. Good luck. I hope my thoughts help
2007-01-30 09:12:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wonder myself how a mother can live far from their own children. I'm a stepmother to 2 wonderful girls. They live with my husband and I. I've got the blessing to raise them as my own. Now their mother moved out of state 5 years ago to live with a man that has a 12 year old child. Now she only sees these girls 2 times a year. She seems too involved with her life to see them more. These girls are 10 and 8. The 8 year old has seen me and knows me better than her own mother.
So depending on their ages you should move closer to them. Don't say you can't afford anything...if you believe in God nothing is bigger than him. He will find you a way if you have faith. You need to be the mother your childern needs.
2007-01-30 09:22:50 · answer #3 · answered by Animal_lover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the world of non affectionate men. Men are brought with to be competitive and to take charge, not to nurture and fuss over the sick or helpless. My man is the same way... When I get sick he doesn't ever check on me, to see if I may need anything. Thankfully you had his daughter nursing you back to health. Don't let that little thing bother you. If he is a good man, just see this good side and don't worry about such tiny flaws that can kill a relationship . and if you want to know something just ask your man
2007-01-30 09:03:56 · answer #4 · answered by Bonduesa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you have two seperate issues here and one has nothing to do with the other.
If you want to be near your kids, your choices are to fight for joint custody so that you can have them part of the time and he the other, fight for full custody, or move to where they are. Staying with your current boyfriend or not should have no direct bearing on this situation.
As far as he is concerned, if he's a schmuck and talking is not getting you anywhere... end it. These things do not usually approve over time. Men are on their best behavior at the beginning of relationship, he will not likely grow more affectionate or nuturing toward you.
2007-01-30 08:57:54 · answer #5 · answered by stephyhall 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
April, I feel for you. I too have been separated from my children across states. Do you know what I'm finally learning? I cannot let this man strip me of everything life has to offer. I cannot "wait" on him to change, to "talk to me" as he refuses to communicate constantly, and I cannot just "live with" this kind of situation, knowing I could be closer to my kids. You listen to the voice within. That's who you can trust. If you have a "higher power", then trust in that too. I'm learning that sometimes you have to walk across a few hot coals to get to a comfortable place.
You know in your heart of hearts what you need to do. It's when your heart and your head fight each other, that it makes it tough, especially when you love someone, but if you REALLY listen to your heart, it cares most about YOU...and what's best for YOU and yours. Don't wait for this to change. People rarely change.
If you're not happy with this relationship, find the strength to move on.
2007-01-30 09:44:09 · answer #6 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest that you have to give your boyfreind another chance. you said that you are in love with him. does he take care of you in other matters? do you have a good relationship beside him not being emotional?? if you feel good about him, give him another chance and try to talk it over with him in a calm situation. Not fighting, only talking.
And I agree with the above answer: how old are your kids?
if they are still young - under 12 - and you have to think about them having balanced life when their father is gone and you must take over.
if you decide that you have to move to be with your kids, keep contact with your boy friend. Its a very good chance to understand him better and be around your kids as a mom.
Personally, I feel highly responsible when it comes to my kids.
You can move where your kids are, and still keep communication with your boy friend through any channel possible. And if he can, he may come & visit you when its possible.
Good luck
2007-01-30 09:10:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a man that's not affectionate can hinder your relationship so, how an you be so in love with him? You have to re-evaluate your feelings for this man and quick!
2007-01-30 09:15:23 · answer #8 · answered by saturn man 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to talk to your man and tell him the way you feel. you have to hear FROM HIM that he is not affectionate like his daughter told you. he needs to open up with you and then, based on his reaction, you'll have to make a decision.
2007-01-30 08:58:35 · answer #9 · answered by chikis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, you need a new man to take care of you. Let me know
2007-01-30 08:54:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋