If you and your wife were seperated on your behalf(the man), and you told her to move on with her life, because it is over...and then she went on a date, and you found out...would you hold it against her ?
I am asking this question b/c it happened 2 me. He thinks I cheated (slept with the guy) but I didn't. I just went out on a date out of revenge,
I want to work things out, but he doesnt, b/c he thinks that I am tainted...
He said that it was a test to get seperated, and that I failed. I am so hurt right now ! I loved this man the entire time, and don't want this divorce...WHY CAN'T HE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED ?
2007-01-30 08:33:55 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
HE SAID THAT HE WANTED ME BACK UNTIL HE FOUND OUT ABOUT THE DATE
2007-01-30 08:35:12 · update #1
oh yeah...we were living in different households 5 hours apart
2007-01-30 09:52:28 · update #2
Unfortunately, it sounds like he did this to make himself feel better about leaving you. It sounds like he planned it this way. To me it doesn't sound like it was a test but a way to justify his own feelings of wanting to leave.
Why would he test you? If you didn't do anything to warrant such a test, then he is to blame, and you should reconsider why you want to be with him.
2007-01-30 08:42:51 · answer #1 · answered by DAD_to_3 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I see that everyone is right on with their answers. I just wanted to add on. First, for myself, I never have believed in separation. The only reason I would separate from my wife is if we are getting a divorce and just need to handle the financial situations that arise out of a marriage. You either stay married or divorce... there is no middle ground.
As for "going on with your life..." Well, I believe that he was "testing" you to make himself a little less guilty about a divorce he already wanted. At the very least, he forgot that "what is good for the goose is also good for the gander."
Let this man go, let the pain ease one day at a time, and then find/discover someone whom will love and appreciate you.
2007-01-30 17:13:18 · answer #2 · answered by BartenderWJT 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, Separation is a touchy feely area. If you were living in two different home it's one thing, if you just said "let's separate" and stayed in the same house that's another.
Truth be told, dating another person while the marriage certificate is still valid is A. Bad form, and B. Destructive to reconcilation.
If you only separated with the intent of giving each other time, this should have been communicated and not just implied. If you dated you violated the "implied" portion of the understanding.
Irregardless of whether or not you banged someone, dating generally leads to it.
2007-01-30 17:40:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, if you aren't divorced, I don't think you should date, but I can understand how when you are hurt and alone, it helps to talk to somebody, and the poor victim (date) is cheaper than seeing a shrink. Been there coming out of committed-but-only-dating relationships (not married).
It sounds more like he's trying to displace some of his own guilt at ending the marriage to me.
I'd have to know more about the whole relationship to confirm that diagnosis however. Y
Do you two have kids? This is going to suck for your kids if you do.
2007-01-30 16:49:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No !! I would realize I pushed you into that direction. It would be my fault even if you had slept with him. You are not tainted either way. If you were truly in his heart, he would be by your side with no questions. He has some insecurity issues only he can deal with. Counceling is in order for sure.
Life is way to short to live unhappily and there is someone out there that will appreciate all you have to offer and will make you happy. If he won't seek help...take care of you...You are very important and always remember that. Best Wishes...
2007-01-30 17:00:38 · answer #5 · answered by sailor 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ever hear the phrase, I don't want her but I don't want anyone else to have her? Men tend to think that way when they have one foot out the door, they are looking for an excuse to leave and you served it up on a silver platter. If you had really wanted to work things out, depite how angry you felt, you never would have gone on a date, I mean what else would he think except you cheated, that's what I would think if he had been the one to go out on a date. I don't know if you can make it work and only time will tell.
2007-01-30 16:44:14 · answer #6 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was a test for him to go out and do what/who ever he wanted to, but you going on a date with someone else threw a monkey wrench into his program. He can't believe you because he knows what he did on his date while you two were apart. Don't waste your time on someone, who isn't willing to waste their time on you. He wanted & asked for the seperation, if he can't be man enough to accept what he put into play by asking you for one then that's his problem. If you feel in your heart you want too work on your marrriage share that with him, and take it from there.
2007-01-30 16:52:04 · answer #7 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Geeze what a looser. If he really did say "move on with her life, because it is over" then he lost all rights to control you. Yes, control. He is trying to control you. Why are you letting him. The best revenge is to just be happy. Stop worrying about this jerk and get on with your life. Tainted, give me a break.
2007-01-30 16:49:48 · answer #8 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not hold this against her if i was the one who told her to move on with her life.... He told you to do this hon so dont feel guilty over it ... See if he still wants you and the marriage and seek counseling and help if he is wanting it too.... IF he does not want it to work out then divorce him and move on with your life.. The jerk told you to move on with your life and when you dated he is mad when he is the one that told you to????? This does not make sense to me. If it were my wife i would take her back and make the marriage work and would not hold it against her if she went out on a date when i was the one that told her to move on with her life in the first place... He never should have told you to do that if he did not mean it!
2007-01-30 16:48:04 · answer #9 · answered by Fast Steve 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't divorce from just this. But it sounds to me like he is looking for a reason out and wants to blame you. This is the sign of a man who doesn't want to take full responsibility for what he chooses. Examine in your heart if this kind of man is what you want to stay with. God Bless.
2007-01-30 17:11:31 · answer #10 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is a hard thing to deal with but you two shouldn't "test" each other. I believe that trying to use jealousy to get back at your spouse usually backfires and causes more turmoil. Keep telling him your fellings and stop with the games.
2007-01-30 21:19:30 · answer #11 · answered by PaT 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋