To try to sum up my story I have a 3 year old. My exhusband left when I was pregnant. It took me years to date again until I met michael everything was great we got engaged and then surprise Im pregnant again. A few months ago he pleaded with me to consider having another baby sometime because he wanted one now I'm pregnant and he changed his mind. He said he would rather play the field and doenst want to deal with a kid so deja vu I have a little girl who loves her michael I lost my best friend again. I'm pregnant with a toddler and no place to go. I also quit my job because he was making twice as much and after months of convincing and the engagement I agreed to move in with him to save money. What do I do now? I have to take care of my daughter and the one on the way but I have no home and no job and most people dont hire pregnant women. Any advice? I barely made it through this the last time how do I explain to my baby that he changed his mind?
2007-01-30 08:18:09 · 10 answers · asked by cee_jae22 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Honestly, you will probably get a lot of answers on here. But this is one of those issues where seeking advice on a completely open forum is not the best way to get advice. Talk to your minister if you have one, or have a good friend refer you to theirs if you don't. Find a strong supportive role model (mother, aunt, etc) to speak to or call a local women's support group. It's going to be tough and you will need someone physically there with you to help you on an ongoing basis. I would advise picking a female so you don't run the risk of transferring your feelings onto the man and winding up in a dangerous situation. Good luck and God bless.
2007-01-30 08:29:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry that you have to go through this by yourself. Men are such ***holes. Are your parents close by? Maybe you can stay with them until you get back on your feet. If you have any close friends, see if they can help you out for a little while. I know it's hard to find a job while pregnant, my cousin's fiance tried, but maybe a day care or a baby store would hire you. You could also try finding kids to babysit during the day to make a little extra money. Eventually you could get certified and open your own home daycare, which means you can charge people more. Don't stress out too much, and I know things will work out for you and your little one's. If you every need someone to talk to email me...rachel_grote@yahoo.com.
2007-01-30 08:26:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your situation.
Sounds like he is immature and a flake, You and your children deserve better and are better off without him.
Keep in mind that whether or not he changed his mind, he is still on the hook for child support. Sounds like he has a good job and makes plenty of money. So make sure you put his name on the birth certificate as the father when you deliver and collect child support starting with day one.
Although this is not your fault, vow to never put yourself in this position again. Just make sure you don't a) move in with anyone else or b) have any more children with anyone unless you are already married with a valid marriage certificate and a ring on your finger. This gives you alot more legal protections, just in case you need them.
Hang in there and time will heal all.
2007-01-30 08:48:37 · answer #3 · answered by EmLa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would see if your parents will let you stay with them. Then after your baby is born go to college and get an education so you can get a good job. You can do it, it is hard but I know many who have. As far as getting over him, I don't know, time I would say. You will have the satisfaction of knowing that you got the best part of him, your baby, and he will miss out on the greatest gift in the world,his child. He will one day realize what he has missed, but by then it will be to late. You can never get back lost time. You will always have your children, and they will help you get through this time. Good Luck to you.
2007-01-30 08:38:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to deal with what you have coming in little chunks. The first step is looking into money and a home. Get clued up about what securtiy benifits your entilted to and how to get re-housed by the local authority.
Swallow your pride if you have any issues about this and accept any help you may need.
Once you sort that bit out you need to focus on the new arrival and get ready for that. Get your friends and family around, you will be relying on them a lot in the months to come.
Your strong, you just don't know it becase you haven't had to be this strong yet but you DO have itin you.
2007-01-30 08:32:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, do not mourn the loss of a loser in your life. You should pick your men in a different location.
Example: If he cheated on his girlfriend to be with you, don't be a sucker, he'll do that to you,too.
Tell your baby that you luckily escaped years that might have been spent on a lowlife that walks out on his own baby and you can now go on to introduce decent people into your lives. DON'T let him come back, walk out, come back, and on and on.
Turn to family for help. A good man can be found in places where good people hang out. Skip the bar and try the library?
p.s. Marriage forces a guy to be a little more commited BEFORE you have sex with him. Marriage is harder to get out of.
Shacking up creates more babies without Dads.
Oh, about a job, Christian Bookstores and Chick-Fillet both pride themselves on helping single moms with jobs. I've known two women in your situation who got a job fast with each of those options and the businesses treated them amazingly well.
2007-01-30 09:35:36 · answer #6 · answered by lookingforinfo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really feel for you my cousins in the same position what you have to do is try to stop thinkin of him and start think how are you going to take care of your children. i know that walmart hires you no matter what they will cuz they hired me when i was pregnant try to get some goverment help, or help from as much people as you can like your mom or family or friends i know that everything seems just so so un fair but god is putting you threw somthing right now you will get threw it. then i want you to go to the goverment office and pu this a** on child support and get what you can from him if he denys the baby dont worry ask for a paternity test when you go to the office and that will tell everything right there and do the same for you ex cuz no woman should go threw what your going threw do what you can you can do it trust me..
2007-01-30 08:33:58 · answer #7 · answered by sweetsss 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say give him some space, he is just getting a little cold feet, pretend as if you are cool with it and focus on your unborn child and your 3 year old, things will get better, if he still refuses to act mature and become a responsible dad and husband seek help from your family and after the baby is born look for a job and get back on your feet and depend on no one but yourself. Good luck.
2007-01-30 08:28:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you move in with another family member or your parents? I don't know how you can get over it... I am 23 weeks and still not over my ex leaving me at 9 weeks. I just try to do the best I can.
2007-01-30 08:25:49 · answer #9 · answered by shugarmagnolia420 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry you are going through this. You can do this on your own, you survived it before and you will survive it again. Do you have any family or friends who will give you support at this time? I suggest talking to a counselor, a pastor, or someone you trust so you can get everything off your chest and move on. Please don't count on him changing his mind, that's unnecessary pain.
2007-01-30 08:29:05 · answer #10 · answered by PrettyWifey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋