Alright about 9 months ago I found out that my serious girl friend was pregnant and we decided to get married for the baby, insurance, financial stability etc, all the wrong reasons if you ask me. She is very happy to be with me, but I am not, I want to support her and teh baby and do the right thing but deep down inside I know that my marriage is doomed, its inevitable I just feel that we do not have enough in common and I can't see spending my life with her as a spouse, I want to continue to support her and the baby and want to maintain a good relationship with her, my question is how do I express this to her without devastating her? We are young in 23 and she is 21, she has never really worked or supported herself and I make 6 figures, whats the best angle to take? Thanks for he input.
2007-01-30 08:01:36 · 34 answers · asked by Scott K 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well atleast youre not one of the jerks who just skips out of town and never again talks to the woman. My guess is that she'll be devastated no matter what but soon enough she'll realize shes young and can find someone else. Your baby will probably keep you two bonded forever, but youre willing to support her so no problem there. Basically, just tell her straight out. Don't try to sugarcoat it or wait any longer because itll just waste time for the both of you.
2007-01-30 08:06:33 · answer #1 · answered by Erick 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hmm...tricky. You could leave her now if you feel that strongly about it. It will be frowned upon but if you really feel you shouldn't be married to her and you're unhappy, it's best if you end things as soon as possible without cheating or treating her horribly. There is no way to do this nicely. She's going to be mad and try to talk you out of it, that's for sure. Just do your best to convey your feelings to her and explain that you're basically living a lie if you two remain married. Next time, don't do anything you don't want to do. It would also be quite wise to not have unprotected sex with a woman that you have no intention of getting pregnant. You're 23, you know how babies are made. Be responsible. Marriage is a serious step (you know this) and just because she's pregnant, that does not mean you two had to marry. Get yourself a lawyer and be ready to shell out some of those six figures you earn.
2007-01-30 08:11:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first off as a person who was married for 14 years because of the same situation I can tell you it is not going to be easy either way. I would try a marriage counselor first to see if maybe it is salvageable and you two can work to make it a happy marriage because all marriages are work and have problems. If you do the counseling and find that you are simply not going to be able to do this then make sure that you stay as amicable as possible. Also be sure this does not happen to you again. If you do not want a marriage then children are a bad idea. In this day and age there are too many ways to prevent it.
2007-01-30 08:07:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to sit down with her and tell her how you feel, she is going to be hurt no matter what you say. The big thing is that she understands that you don't feel the marriage is going to work. You can and will have to pay child support and you can provide insurance for the baby since you are the father without marrying her. You can still be there for her if you and she want that but it sounds like she needs to become more independant, provide for herself and not depend on you. I am guessing that she has been with you since she left home and has never had to work for anything.
2007-01-30 08:07:46 · answer #4 · answered by Kevin J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are getting married for all the RIGHT reasons...the baby is YOUR responsibility too, how would you feel dad left you...your baby needs a father and he needs his mom to have a husband. Obviously if your relationship is serious then the best thing is to get married. If you make 6 figures great she can stay home with the baby and clean the house. Having a family is a blessing, if you keep your head in the right place and make the best out of the situation all will work out the baby and you gf are YOURS embrace that...and you marriage is doomed only if you allow it to be...get married, pick a name, buy clothes, and LOVE your future-wife. YOUR HAVING A BABY. It may be more than you bargained for but in time you will fall in love with your wife and you will be a VERY happy man. Hope this helps...
<3 M.C.
2007-01-30 08:09:53 · answer #5 · answered by morena0kizzez 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
well no matter what angle you take...
she isnt going to be happy about it.
you should have expressed your concerns before you got married. but now that that is int he past...
you should let her know ASAP how you feel.
let her know that you want to retain a great relationship with her and you want to be there for the baby... but you just arent sure that marriage was the best solution for the situation.
whatever you do...
do not cheat on her or be a dick to her.
she just had a baby and she is vulnerable right now.
dont take advantage of that.
and if youre making six figures...
she will be happy with the child support check each month im sure.
2007-01-30 08:08:50 · answer #6 · answered by mylove. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the long run all three of you will be better off if this is handled in a mature manner, and comassionate honesty is acting in a mature manner. Your first priority is to your child,(congrats by the way!) so as long as you take care of him/her emotionally, financially, and you are physicaly there being a dad, than you are taking care of your responsibilities. You are next on the priority list, so take care of YOUR happiness. Be a polite, kind, honest and calm adult about separating, but do it. You're baby deserves to grow up in a house where everyone loves her and loves each other. Tention is bad for little developing people! It will all work out!
2007-01-30 08:18:18 · answer #7 · answered by mermommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think it is doomed, then it is. Do it now, don't wait. The sooner the better. You can go to court and pay to support the child, and get visitation, or maybe even get full custody of the child. Don't wait for the child to grow up in all that, its better to end it while the child is too young to remember any of it. good luck. My marriage was doomed too. I left him when our baby was 1. Tell her honestly, and sincerely, but make her understand that it's not gonna work, but you want to help support the baby.
2007-01-30 08:21:55 · answer #8 · answered by precious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest, sit down and talk it out. You have to be happy and that does not make you the bad guy. You strike up some pretty good points in your question. You are able to support and be a part of the childs life, she has to have family as do you to help so she may get a job or go back to school. Good luck.
2007-01-30 08:11:59 · answer #9 · answered by Barry W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why don't you try counseling first and see if there is a way that you and she could continue this relationship, you owe that to the child. If after you and she (either alone or together) have done the counseling thing and you both have figured that it won't work, you can at least walk away knowing that you did what you could to save the marriage in all honesty and in the future your child will thank you for it and you both will be able to continue a positive relationship with each other and TRUST ME when I say that is the greatest gift you can give your child now and in the future.
2007-01-30 08:06:59 · answer #10 · answered by NolaDawn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋