urgant please help?

Question

i was looking in the cupboard for my keys and found the old lap top my dad had
i switched it on to see the pics i had put on it and it logged onto my dads site
their was pics of woman undressing in a otel room and my dads jacket was on the bed
it would kill my mum if she thought he was cheeting on her and he is a really good bloke careing and stuff
i know its his pc cause theirs a pic of my mum on it too
i switched it of as quick as i could so didnt look for anything els
should i confront him, tell my mum, leave it, or look on it and see if it was just a mistake
please help
remember im only 15

my dad is a nice guy and they have been together for 20 years
i know for a fact that if he is cheeting my mum could never forgive him

Answer 1

Oh No! I was in shock when i read this! i am soooooo sorry.
I probably dont know what to do. but this is the best answer i can give. Dont confront your dad first thing he will get raving mad.
also, dont tell your mom first. she will get mad and sad.
i suggest talking to a guidance counsler. from your school or not. this can be a very scary and realllllly sad thing. you will have to talk to your friends and things and maybe, try consulting your dad in a letter. tell him how you feel, and that you r reeeeeeaaaaaaaalllllllly sad. then you may have no choice other thn to tell your mom. ( before you tell your dad ). I sooooooooo hope you , your dad, and mom get through this. I will keep your familky in my prayers tonight.

Answer 2

Let me ask you a question. Say the situation was reversed and your mom or dad snooped in your room. They find something like drugs or something that might indicate that you're sexually active. What do they do? Good parents will confront their child knowing that a)the first response will be denial and b) trust and privacy issues will come into play. The child's first response is going to be anger, and trust issues.

That being said - you really had no right to log onto your father's computer and the only reason you did so was to be nosey and in a sense to invade his privacy. That being said, you did find something that needs to be addressed. So you go to your father and tell him what you did, why you did it and what you found. You need to let your dad know that you know what he may have done or what he is currently doing; however, you shouldn't tell your mother. Her first response will be to get upset and that won't help you. Also, you are too young to be dealing with this. If it's an old laptop, the problem may be over, but your dad does need to deal with this and he needs to make you feel safe.

I'm sure your scared, upset, hurt and angry - but now you have to deal with it. I'm sorry you have to do that. A 15 year old should not have to deal with the mistakes of their parents. In the future, I would not open a pandora's box by snooping; but now that you have, I sympathize with you and hope that your dad will be an adult and take responsibility.

If you do decide that it's your duty to tell your mom, you better be able to back it up. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 3

Firstly, as you say, it was an old computer, those pictures may very well have been put on a long time ago, don't jump to conclusions.

It is very possible that you misunderstood what you saw, it could very well be something your mom is already aware of but I would not bring it up to her is I were you just in case.

Try putting the laptop back where you found it and then go speak to your dad privately and tell him that you stumbled across it by accident and noticed something that he may have forgotten about and you just wanted to bring it to his attention. When he asks you what it was you can mention that you saw some offensive pictures on the hard drive that may upset your mom if she finds them.

That way you have put the issue into your dads hands, he will either go correct the issue or leave it alone if he feels there is nothing he needs to keep private.

But not knowing your parents demeanor, you may have to choose your time carefully so as to not get yelled at for intruding on their privacy.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

This is a tough one. I am sorry you had to see what you did. If you don't tell anyone, would you be able to put it out of your mind, or do you think it will continue to concern you? If you think it is going to be too big a burden to carry on your own then I would suggest confronting your dad first. If there is an explaination then there is no need to upset your Mum. That might not be your dads jacket on the bed, it could just be one like it. If you choose too go to your Dad, do not accuse him, just ask about it without suggesting he took the photo. I hope everything works out for you, good luck. Just remember too that if you confront him, he could get mad and be angry at you. He could also tell you not to tell you not to tell your Mum. You have to weigh up wether confronting him is worth the risk.

Answer 5

That is a really tough question. You know your parents better than anyone else, so that being said, I think you should approach your father. Tell your Dad that you saw the pictures on his computer and that you want an explanation.
You know, this is tough, I don't know if I can really give you the right answer, so much could happen.
You know your parents, would your Dad be honest with you? Will he get mad at you?
Would it be better to approach your Mom? But what is the benefit of telling her? Maybe the laptop is left open by mistake and your Mom sees it? Would it be best to just leave it alone, pretend you don't know and leave up to them to discover.
I'm a lot older than 15 and I don't know the right answer. Sorry. I would probably approach my Father for an answer.
Search your heart and you will find the answer.
Good Luck!

Answer 6

I do think you have to bring it to someone's attention. Some say your dad (he may lie about it and then take his anger out on you for catching him) and some say your mom (it will shock her and hurt her relationship with your dad if she had no suspicion but then again, she might have her suspicions already about his unfaithfulness.)
And there's the slim chance, albeit a slim one, that he has a good explanation. Maybe it is an old picture of your mom in her younger years, when she had a better figure or different hairstyle, for example.
So, how's this: confront them both - tell them you found something. Put it on the table with the picture on the screen. Ask them to look at it. But you leave the room immediately. This is between the two of them. They will know you've been affected by finding this but you have no stake in their discussion as long as you are not in the room. Then don't say anything. Let them say whatever they want to volunteer to you. Don't get engaged in a discussion about it, just say, OK to whatever story they telll. They are the ones who have to live with their marriage. Maybe your mom knew about this already once upon a time when it happened and your dad begged her forgiveness and she forgave him. Maybe they've moved on.. Important thing is, you are a kid and you have no way to knowing what's going on but you shouldn't have to carry around this worrisome secret (it's not weird to worry that your mom might catch a venereal disease from your father if she didn't know about something like this.)

Answer 7

Well you can either forget about t and act like it never happened or go have a serious conversation with your dad outside the house where your mom will not have a chance to interupt and be straight with him say hey dad i know you love mom but this is what i found im not going to say anything to her unless i find reason to and if you are having an affair please stop or the news will come around but double check the imaging to make sure it is something to bring up bring the lap top and show your dad what you found and let him know its wrong if thats what he is doing and if he cant stop its mom or the mistress but i hope you were wrong and best o luck mate

Answer 8

I would tell your dad that you needed to use the laptop and accidently found the pictures and ask him what they were all about! And ask him if he is cheating on your mom and let him know that you think it is wrong and you hope it isn't true- you can't just go by the jacket on the bed honey- more than one man could own the same jacket- but I would confront your dad and see what he says-if he is caring and loving he will be honest with you and stuff will be taken care of hopefully! Good Luck!

Answer 9

Are you positive it was your dad's jacket? It may have been a similar one. Unless he's in the pics with the other woman I'd say leave it be, if it's not a hidden or passworded file it may be one your mom knows about or just a pic your dad likes to look at. Ignorance is bliss in a lot of things like this, take care.

Answer 10

I know if I were in your shoes there is no way I could ignore that. I would mention something to my mom about it. Like, I switched on the laptop and saw pictures of women I didn't recognize. Just sound really innocent like and have her take a look at her own time.

Don't confront your dad. It will only cause a rift between the family. Either he'll be upset at you for looking and blame you or he'll recruit you to lie about something. Let your mom handle him....like you said your only 15.