my husband and my best friend have fallen out. what would your advice be?

Question

my problem concerns my best friend of twenty years. we have been friends since we were three. i got married a year ado and, unfortunately, a few months ago my friend and my husband had huge argument. it started about politics, but both my husband and my friend are quite stron, srgumentative people and they ended up shouting calling each other names.

since then, my friend and i have hardly spoken, and she refuses to pay back the $3,000 that i lent her.

she says that she didn't borrow that much, and that my busband had been using my credit card. he says that i must go to a solicitor to get the money back.

what should i do? i know oif i go to a solictor she will make things really hard for me and it will be impossible ever to be friends again.

what would your advice be?

Answer 1

firstly make her pay the money! thats got nothing to do with the arguement...if she dosen't pay give me a shout, i know some people who will tell her whats what....really she's making excuses to not pay.

Answer 2

It sounds to me like shes using the arguement she had with your husband, as an excuse to not pay back the $3,000.00. And what in the heck does your husband using "your credit card" have to do withyour friend paying you back money you lent her? That doesnt make sense.

Personally I don't think she values your friendship. You should find a new friend. Maybe years later, she will regret it, but right now there aint nothing you can do.

The best you can do? Mail her a letter. Put a fake P.O. Box number return address on it, so that she'll open it (if you put your name, she may not open it). In your letter, tell her that you value her friendship, and that she should not let political differences between she and your husband, ruin the friendship.

Also tell her that there is no excuse good enough for not paying back the $3,000.00. Tell her that her actions are making it seem like she doesn't respect the two of you's friendship. And last, tell her that you hope that she will cool off and see what she's doing wrong so that the two of you can be friends again.

The ball is now in her court! That's the best that you can do. If after the letter, she still doesn't call, then move on with your life. She'll come to her senses someday and realize that you were right, ...whether she pays back the money or not.

Answer 3

Hiya - poor you, it doesn't sound a nice situation to have!

Looking at it from the sidelines, your 'friend' when asked by you for the $3000 back said 'it isn't that much' so she has admitted she owes you some money.

My advice would be to ssk her directly how much she thinks she owes you then? Also once you agree an amount, give her a set period to pay it back to you and point out that an argument with your husband doesn't mean that her debt to you is cancelled either in friendship of financial terms.

Tell her that you want the friendship to continue, but you will not be walked over - you lent the money to her on the understanding that she would repay it.

Tell her that there was never an agreement between you that said 'if you fall out with my husband though, please keep the money as a gift' !!!!!!

Ultimately though your husband is right, you may well have to go to a solicitor to get your money back, and there is no way really that your friendship can quite recover the same ground that it had before.

What is important though from your perpective is to see that this is not your fault at all. Don't allow your friend to dominate you emotionally and use the argument to wriggle out of the money she knows she owes you.

Frankly, if she behaves as childishly as this towards you, you may have to think of her as your oldest friend, but not necessarily your best friend - because if she was, she wouldn't use the excuse of that argument to punish her best friend - you!!

Hope some of this helps, but you sound as if you have been the 'better' friend in this relationship.

Best wishes with it though

Answer 4

First, if you don't have anything in writing regarding the money you lent to your friend, you are pretty much out of luck with trying to recover it. You may just ask her to pay back what she believes is owed on a good faith venture, and she what does does with that.

Second, you always have to be a support to your husband first and foremost, unless he was totally wrong, and the bad thing about politics is that there really never is a complete black and white, wrong or right answer. But, don't let him use your credit cards, that is only going to lead to problems down the road.

Then, I would tell each of them, that while they can't see eye to eye, it doesn't mean that you want to take sides. So try to visit with your friend when your husband id not around, and make sure he knows that while you love him, you don't want to loose a friend of 20 years over a stupid political disagreement.

It's probably going to get uglier before it gets better, so just hang in there

Answer 5

Doesn't seem like she is much of a buddy any more and is using the "conflict" as an excuse not to pay you back. I realise it's a bit traumatic to ditch a friend after that amount of time but $3000 is not small change. Try and find evidence of how you gave her the money (e.g. bank statements) and confront her with it. Make an offer for her to pay you back in installments and keep records. If that doesn't work then your only option is to get the paperwork together and go legal.

Answer 6

Lending money to family and friends is like kissing your money goodbye. If you want the money get a lawyer and lose the friend. I suggest that in the future if you lend money to anyone get it in writing and notarized it will save you the hassle in the long run. Try to mend the friendship and then collect the money. You what they say "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar".

Answer 7

you are married to one person, not two people.
if your friend does not respect your husband she does not respect you.
she wants you to leave your husband before she pays you the money. this is why your husband and your credit card has come into the story.
you are no longer three of age; let this friend go.
since you value her, then for old time sake, let the money go too.

in my view, she is more of a oppressor than a friend.
if you keep this friend for what ever reason. then i am sorry for you and your marriage.

Answer 8

So you don't know how much you lent to her?
If you have been friends for so long this will not end it, but you two need a new way of being friends.Your life changed and you might not have so much time for her like maybe before. they don't have to like eachother and my advise is: Don't make it your problem, if they don't like eachother than they don't!
Keep the money issue business like.
X Gaby

Answer 9

try and find some coman ground between your best friend and ur husband. if they love to argue then maybe you should find something they are on the same side about. maybe you can tell them about the airpot strike earlier this week see if they agree that it shouldnt happen again. if it doesnt work then lock then in a closet together. it worked when my sister and i were argueing and now we havent had an arguement in yrs.
good luck!

Answer 10

firstly learn to type.....secondly apologise for your husband- although its not your fault, if you want your friend back you have to make that sacrifice. let her know that the argument shouldnt ruin your friendship. and tell your husband that you wont stop seeing your friend and hes gonna have to deal with it. also make sure that you dont take sides and let them both know you dont want anything to do with they're argument. once youve gotten that friendship back, i think it will be easier to get your money back. i hope it all works out xxx