Relationship problems. Why do women cheat?

Question

My wife says that she feels very close to her male friend and now she's in a position where she feels he's her soulmate. We are married for 6 years now but she knows this guy hardly for 3 months. Ours was a loving relationship without major problems until she met him somewhere accidentally. She also says she "respects" me and that I'm a nice person. What should I do now?
This guy is not married and apparently is not aware of my wife's feelings. But they have been meeting each other regularly but there's no physical relationship between them.

Thanks a lot everyone for your kind responses. I'd like to vote all the answers as best answers because you all made me feel better. Thanks for your time. Hope things will work out better for me starting today as she said she's trying to come out of those feelings she has on him and asked my help in that. I'll take all your advices in building a better bond this time:)

Answer 1

The number one reason women cheat on their spouses is that there is something missing from their marriage. There doesn't have to be "major problems," just something - missing. Some need of hers is not being met. It could be either physcial or emotional. It's like when your car is almost out of gas - if you pull up to the pump and the station is out of gas, you don't just sit there and say "Oh, well, I'm out. I guess this is as far as I can go." You get back in your car and look for a station with gasoline because you simply must have it to keep going.

My advice is to sit and talk with her. Ask her what is it that he does that makes her so attracted to him? What does he do that refills her tank and refreshes her? If she "doesn't know", be specific? Does he make her laugh? Does he make her feel beautiful? If so, how? Does he ask her opinion and make her feel intelligent? What subjects do they talk about that she enjoys so much? Perhaps they have common experiences in their pasts which allow them to be closer... Is it the "newness" of this person which she finds attractive? Don't write off the little things either - it could be the way he smells so good... Tell her that YOU want to share those things with her and that you are asking so that you can work on those things. If she respects you then she may very well give you a chance to do so. If you can plan a vacation away for at least one week, it would be even better. She needs to see that she can have all of those needs fulfilled by her husband and that it isn't necessary to have a surrogate. Once you find out what he's providing her with that is lacking from YOUR relationship (the gasoline) - step into that gap and fill it. Eliminate the need for another man.

I could rant and rave about her marriage vows and what you "ought" to tell her - as some will. But, that won't make her decide to stay. Only you can do that and I can assure you it won't be by becoming agressive - unless that's what she's missing of course.

Edit:

Don't believe what others say about her lying about a physical relationship. YOU know her - not any of us. You have to make the decision whether or not to believe her... someone on the internet can't "tell" you what to believe about a person they don't know. We can't say what her intentions are either. I'm not saying delude yourself, just don't take all this as gospel either...

AFTER I was married I met someone who I believe could have been a soulmate under different circumstances. We met accidentally through a mutual friend and from the first time I saw him it was like seeing a person I already knew - like from a different lifetime. We talked for hours about a million different things on many occasions, but, NEVER, NEVER, did we have ANY type of intimacy. My husband knew I talked to him and was insanely jealous. He eventually got so upset that I quit talking to someone who was and would have been a great friend - out of respect for my husband.

I wasn't looking for OR trying to have an intimate relationship... I just wanted someone to talk to - someone that I could call at 11 p.m. or 12 a.m. on the way home from a 16 hour work day who would talk to me the entire hour commute home so that I wouldn't fall asleep at the wheel. Why was that important to me? Because when I called my husband, he would be asleep. When I asked him to talk to me so that I wouldn't fall asleep at the wheel, he would say, "I'm TRYING to sleep."

What little thing are you doing, or not doing, that he will?

Answer 2

First of all you should be your wife's husband, best friend, lover & soulmate. She is feeding you bulls**t, yes there is physical intimacy going on. Don't be navie, what if you were the one that have a girl friend and meeting her on regular basis and then you tell her she's your soulmate. How that make her feel. It would hurt her and she'll feel betrayed after 6 years of marriage. You and your wife need to remember what brought you two together when you met. Laughter, fun, listening to one another, sharing the up/downs, loving each other. What made the sparks go out...light them up again and I bet she will not be meeting this so called boyfriend. If you love her fight for her with your love, compassion, forgiveness, passion that you once shared strongly. Sing to her, cook her favorite dish, etc.

She infatuated with this guy because he doesn't take her for granted because everytime they meeting it's a rush of excitment and pleasure. Have you been taking your wife for granted after 6 years of marriage?

To answer your question...women cheat because their emotional feelings are being nelgected. Have just sex is not intimacy or lovemaking...we need to be woo once in awhile...whisper sweet nothings in her ear, give her a massage with sweet oils, brush her hair, kiss each finger tips and toes, show her you love her as well as saying it. Make her feel that she the diamond in the rough that you found, your queen bee...the one and only. I guarentee you that she'l be running back in your arms.

This guy friend of hers don't truly love her...he's wooing her so she thinks that he's her soulmate.

Win her mind, spiritual,soul & heart back. Be creative and imagitive, take a late night walk, feed each other ice cream, watch a movie together by candle light....come on, I'm sure you can think many other wonderful things. Good luck!!

Answer 3

Tell her to make a choice between him and you or else keep you involved in the relationship. At least she's being honest with you, but you can't sit back and let her hang out on a regular basis with a guy she thinks is her soulmate. (she probably just doesn't know him well enough)
As far as I beleive, most women cheat because they feel neglected, taken for granted, ignored by their spouses, but in your case, you said your marriage was happy before this guy came along, so I don't know what your wifes problem is. I'm sorry. I hope it works out.

Answer 4

I think you're being used. It seems like too much of a coincidence that she lives in your home town. The problem with these chat sites is that you don't know whether you're talking to Fine Nadya or Hairy Boris. This just sounds suspiciously like some kind of scam - the lack of love, the controlling behavior, the you're-so-much-nicer-than-the-other-guys stuff, the I-can't-afford-this-and-that...it's textbook scamming. You can keep texting her, but don't be encouraging, and don't send her any money. If it were me, I'd invite her to look me up after she's single again.

Answer 5

if she is telling u she respects u and your a nice person, she is trying to leave the relationship as cleanly as possibble trying to leave your self worth in tact. she is making a rash judgement here, but u won't be able to make her understand, how do u know there is no physical relationship? don't think she would be telling u he is her soulmate if they hadn't become intimate. we can loose the love of our life just because they did meet someone else they wanted to be with more than they wanted to be with us. don't think she is going to listen to what u have to say as she thinks she has found something special in life, and thinks u aren't it anymore. heartbreaking as it is we sometimes have to let it play out, let them do whatever they are doing, and if they return to u they belong to u, but if u try to stop it, she will resent u and always wonder about this and the what if's. who would just want respect and know they were just a good person? sounds as if she is trying to put u down easy so not to hurt u. alot of marriages would still be there except for the person they just met accidently, but there are really no accidents, they are usually something planned out and thought about seriously. nothing just happens, and maybe u might want to distance yourself from her, or talk to her, ask her what she wants to do, personally it wouldn't be easy to remain in a marriage where one knew there was another love interest.

Answer 6

how do u so sure there is no physical relationship ?
try to bring yor wife back.
take her on a vacation where u two can spend time together
try to have spritual sex where not only your body meets but yor mind and soul also meets.try to make her understand that this smart guy will lead only to destory two family's.
u donot try to erase a line. try to draw a bigger line.
if u can give more love to yor wife, i am sure it will work in yor favour only.

Answer 7

1) Make him her brother ("bhaiya").
2) Never forget to celebrate your marriage anniversary.
3) Always keep her in supervision of any of your family member.
4) If that person comes to meet her make your wife busy.
5) I think you loves your wife more than she do with you , try to make her love you to change yourself for some.

read some spiritual books it will you more for future.

Answer 8

Be very careful. Do not allow this to continue any further. Win back your wife with care and affection or in whichever other manner. But win her back through love.

Answer 9

Well, you should tell her that this relationship is inappropriate. If she continues, what else can you do but divorce them?

Sounds like your wife is caught up in a fantasy. She needs to wake up.

Answer 10

She's thinking about taking up with him because she isn't getting something from you...might be attention, might be sex, might be something else. He looks good and she wants to get more involved. Let's hope he's a gentleman.