Ok so this is my problem. I have been dating my neighbour for 5 months now and we get along great! I moved back home from another city 2 weeks before he moved in beside me. I saw him and was attracted to him right away. We spent a tuesday night together and havent been apart ever since. Everything in this relationship has moved very quickly. I am now living with him and we talk about our future often. He is very caring, genuine, trustworthy, attractive, passionate and anything else you could possibly think of. He has a great job, great family, beautiful house, and would be a wonderful father. The first 3 months of our relationship were OUT OF THIS WORLD. I honestly have never been so happy. He is very funny and made me laugh all the time. But lately I am questioning my feelings ALOT. Every move he makes I analyze. I think I am convincing myself that I do not love him anymore. I still enjoy spending time with him. I still enjoy cooking him dinners, surprising him by cleaning the house, going away on weeekends with him, having sex etc...I am just so scared that the only reason I am with him is for the materialistic stuff. I ask myself this and its not like I need the things he has, I have that next door but I know that if I spent my life with him I would have a very secure future.
He is the first guy I have ever trusted. I am not jealous of him and that seems to throw me off. (Its wierd cause i feel like my lack of jealousy and my amount of trust leads me to believe that if I dont think of him with other girls when I must not care about him?) All of my past relationships were drama filled and emotionally abusive. Finally I met a nice guy that I know will never hurt me and I feel like I dont love him. Is it maybe cause I have never felt love before and I have only felt "fantasy" with the jerks I wanted to spend my life with? I dont want want to be with anyone else. I want to love him like I felt it before. I want to cherish him and feel confident that I can marry him and be happy. Is it because he is a "nice guy"?
Thanks so much for your help!
2007-01-30 06:53:17 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
darlyn i think you have found the one for you. you love him. just listen to yourself go on about him. you have found your match in life. dont try to over analize it. dont try to disprove it cause thats what your doing. your thinking its to good to be true. your looking for flaws so u can say ah ha i knew it. hes an *** just like all the others. but guess what hes not. he is one of the few good ones left. snag him up girl. he loves you. i can tell by how much is written up there. you two should have a wonder ful life together. good luck. and love cant be explained or over thinked it just happens. go for it girl and may you have a wonderful life.
2007-01-30 07:03:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well- i'm going through a similar situation. My bf is the greatest guy ever and like you i've been with jerks most of my adult life. I don't think you're in love with this guy but enfatuated by everything about him. Do you guys live together?? if he owns the house next door why not move in and tell him to rent out his house and you guys can live comfortably?? what about him turns you off?? seems like you don't want to settle down with anyone and now that you found someone good you're picking out any little thing u don't like about him to find reasons to tell yourself that what you're living with this guy isn't real because it's too good to be true or something. Do this-- don't even worry about it- don't think about it just live to love him!!! let yourself go- be a crazy romantic and let your feelings flow with him. I think that since you were hurt alot in the past you're still scared that this guy or any other guy can hurt you if you give your all to this new relationship. Give yourself a chance to fall in love again and let him in your life. If he;s that wonderful- don't question anything and thank god you;re lucky to have found him!! you're not a jealous person because it's not in your nature to feel that way & because he has given you no reasons not to trust him. I think you;re finding it hard to believe it's as good as it could get. Enjoy your life and mr wonderful. not you;re not a gold digger but don't tell him you feel that you're with him because of material reasons- keep it to yourself and you;ll be fine.
2007-01-30 15:07:57 · answer #2 · answered by mari d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your relationship moved a little fast but it doesn't sound like it is wrong. Maybe it would be a good thing for you to move out and step back and start anew. Start dating again, still go to his house and make dinner or clean to surprise him, but just step back a notch or two. It sounds as if you are truly to sabotage the relationship because of your previous failures. There is nothing wrong with having met a great guy who made a lot of good choices for himself (has a home and material possessions) and was blessed with a good family and great personality. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-01-30 15:04:31 · answer #3 · answered by tersey562 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like me years ago. When you grow up abused you tend to only attract the abusive type. The reason for this is that is what you are comfortable with because it's all you know. Bless your heart darling, you are worth the good guy. You're unsure because in the back of your mind you're waiting for the cheat and abuser to surface in him. You're not jealous because there's no need not because you don't love him. love yourself and allow the good into your life, you deserve it. God bless you both.
2007-01-30 15:04:29 · answer #4 · answered by #1 saints fan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello Chrissy,
I am the one who answered your quick love question..
You seem very confused.. and you are sincerley struggling!
I just want to give you something to think about!
My husband uses the term hine-sight is 20-20... alot of people use that.. and I really hate that term.. I want to have foresight and bypass as much stress in my life as possible. And I do not want to put my children through stress.. as I love them with everything I have.
So here is a senario for you:
You decide that as much as you care deeply for this man and you love him but you fell out of love for him.. you can not mislead either of you any longer. So it is time to end it. Now you are heart broken and you question if you made the right choice. A little time has gone by and someone new is now showing interest in you. You feel that maybe this would be a good time to get envolved. And so you are learning about this person.. and they are not quite what you thought they would be. Now you are wondering, did I make the right choice? so maybe you meet another guy and the same thing happens.. . Now all of a sudden you meet this other guy and he is all that you where looking for.. everything feels right.. now it is a few months and it starts very gradualy and grows slowly as to unsensative this man is slowly treating you.. and while you are hurt.. you are experiencing that fix that is so familuar to you.. it doesnt exactly make you feel good but it is a feeling that makes you fight for what you want. So now you have gained that life back of what you think stimulates your emotions.. the only problem is now your heart is all wrapped up in it and it is hard. Things seem to get better.. so you decide to marry this man. Now you have children.. and now innocent lives are mixed in. And now the abuse slowly grows, Your children think seeing mom and dad argue so much is normal..
And now what you thought was a challenge of stimulation is now a challenge of home life struggles.. because it breaks your heart to see your kids live like this.. because with almost every parent.. they end up loving their kids more than themselves.. and want a normal life for them. Now guilt has set in with you and you find yourself wondering what if you had stayed with the man that once made a happy home for you in his arms and respected everything about you. Your life was what he wanted to be a blessing to at one time.
But because you are no longer in his life.. He has sought the love of another woman who appreciates what he has to offer.
Now he also has children and they are mentally healthy and happy and being raised by a father who respects them and their mother.
Now hear is the clentcher.. at night while everyone is in bed and asleep.. here are two different homes.. both sets of children are asleep and he is making love with his wife and caring for her with all of his heart. While you my dear find yourself sleeping alone for the sake of peace for your children.. And all of this because you spent too much time worring about a false sence of stimulation.
We have to remember when we fall in love.. that it just can not be for us.. but is this the kind of love that children can grow up healthy in. And what is the greatest gift can you give your children? The living example of how to live right!
2007-01-30 21:02:49 · answer #5 · answered by Esther J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do is to break up with him. If you don't love him anymore you're just hurting both yourself and him.
You can't have a relationship if only one person is dedicated to the other.
You'll find your love and he will find his.
2007-01-30 14:58:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋