we have been dating for months, both in our 40's - are great friends & have now slept together, but he seems to have trouble with erec tions - first time was touch & go, second time no go - says it's him not me - says he's nervous because he has deep feelings for me - should i believe him or am i just not doing it for him? (p.s. he says he's crazy about me & i am attractive & in good shape).
2007-01-30 06:41:30 · 27 answers · asked by born_free_again 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It probably IS him, and not all mentally either. Guys when they hit their 40's (and sometimes earlier) can start to have erectile problems. This can be exacerbated if he's taking any sort of medicine for cholesterol, high blood pressure or depression.
He should make an appointment with his doctor and have a full physical done and discuss his options.
2007-01-30 06:46:34 · answer #1 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is NOT you. If a guy says he's crazy about you and his actions towards you reflect that, he is being sincere. He sounds like a decent guy - one who is open enough to say that the problem is because he likes you a lot and he is nervous. He hasn't let his ego get in the way of making excuses and blaming you. That is great!
It could be medical and it could be something that a doctor can help him with, but it could also be the fact that he finds you so attractive he can't take you.
From my experience, when a guy is really into you, he doesn't last long, if you know what I mean. Men I have met really have to have it a few times to be able to control their minds. You know, control their thoughts so they can 'last longer' or they have needed time to get beyond the nerves. Many of these men became great lovers the longer you are with them. Sometimes sex is amazing from the get go and other times a guy may like you so much that it takes some time for things to be fantastic, but it can be a really fun 'build up'!
Give this guy a chance. He sounds sincere. If it happens after two or so more times, tell him you really like him but that you don't want him to be nervous around you and if there is a problem beyond just nerves, that he should tell you because you are beginning to think it is you.
Good luck!
2007-01-30 14:54:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not unusual for men in their 40's to have erectile problems. If this continues to be a problem, I'd talk to him about Viagra or any number of medications out there to address this problem. Do not blame yourself for his inability to perform, you could try spicing up your relationship however you feel comfortable. Sometimes it helps to relax both partners if it is just nerves. If you show that you are uncomfortable then this may make your man uncomfortable and could affect him ability to perform. I am 35, my husband is over 40, and we have learned to try anything we think may help, he has some trouble on ocassion, it's not the end of the world, if you care for someone enough. Good Luck!!!
2007-01-30 15:20:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you both felt that it was time to go to the next level in your relationship it was probably the right thing to do. Sometimes medications people are on (even over the counter ones) can create problems for men in achieving or maintaining erections. The first thing he should do is talk to his family doctor or urologist. It certainly can be dealt with and if you are both attracted to each other be patient, enjoy the petting and cuddling. There are also other ways to experience orgasm. Good luck.
2007-01-30 14:47:46 · answer #4 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be gentle with him because this is the most humiliating thing that can happen to a man.....especially when he's really into you. I think you should trust him on this one. He's dating again in his 40's and has found a woman he really likes. When there's a problem with performance it really can be nerves and anxiety. You see, we have the pressure to perform and there's no faking it for us. Try to be understanding and help him to get good and relaxed. I think the more comfortable you get with each other the better the bedroom moves will become. Good luck.
2007-01-30 14:50:33 · answer #5 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There could be a number of reasons why he can't perform.He needs medical advice.If he refuses to check himself out,he may know why he reacts that way.Some times a person can only respond to a certain type act so be inquisitive and find out,it's your business too.I tried to tell my ex that the only time he was really strong ,I don't want to be graphic,was when he knew the oral thing was going to happen,other times it wasn't as easy to perform although he would try until it happened.In my youth I would have thought the problem was with me not being all that,but now I know whatever the problem,it was his and he's the one who had to work on it,without me.
2007-01-30 14:52:43 · answer #6 · answered by punkin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, when my husband and i first started dating he had the same problem, he was in his early 20's when this happened.... just believe him and wait it out.... believe me, I am so glad I did, best partner I have ever had... don't give up just yet, you could really be missing out on something really good and that can bring you closer together... use this off time to really bond and experiment in the bedroom with foreplay, there are so many ways to pleasure each other without going all the way... just don't get discouraged, if you really like this guy... give it a chance to blossom into something. Good Luck whatever you decide. and remember.... HAVE FUN!!!
2007-01-30 15:20:59 · answer #7 · answered by Mystery 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a million reasons we can t struggle in that department, 95% of them are mental, tiredness can come into it, and yes his answer can be perfectly valid, if he really loves and cares for you then he wants to make you as happy as he can, sexually, and if he gets nervous then he ma not be able to get it going the way he wants. It wont be you, at all. Just be loving and patient, and not condesending, he needs to keep his manhood. Give it time and dont let it be a problem and it wil go away. Good luck.
2007-01-30 14:46:14 · answer #8 · answered by PleaseNoMoreNumbers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may have erectile disfunction, but it could very well be nerves. Don't put pressure on him to achieve an erection the next few times. Do other things. If he can't get it up, smile and let him know that it's ok. If a few more sessions go by, and he still can't, have him see a doctor.
2007-01-30 14:46:47 · answer #9 · answered by aparadoxsimple 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's him - he could have any number of medical issues that make it difficult for him to obtain an erection. There's a reason Viagra makes billions of $$$ a year. Talk to him about seeing his doctor outside of the bedroom and in the most loving and supportive way possible.
2007-01-30 14:45:47 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋