question for other married people?

Question

Ok been happily married 16 yrs to a great guy and of course like any other man he loves sex but most of the time he waits for me to intiate(BUT HE WILL SOMETIMES) lots of times we will go a week or 2 without having sex and when i say something to him about this he says "i have been wanting to but waiting for you" I guess he means waiting for me to intiate and i guess i do the same thing waiting for him to intiate. Doesnt make sense that if he wants to have sex then just intiate and lots of people have said just tell him to intiate more but i shouldnt HAVE to tell him he should just do it if he wants sex and a few people said maybe he likes u being the agresssive 1..so what does everybody think

lol...I would never say NO and he knows it

I keep saying i would NEVER turn him down

By law to service him...What am i a maid..i dont think so lol

1 more time i will say this cause people keep saying about turning him down.....................I NEVER TURN HIM DOWN..GEEZ

Well victoria u think wrong..I HAVE NEVER REJECTED HIM AND NEVER WOULD I WANT IT AS MUCH AS HE DOES

Answer 1

Shouldn't you be asking your HUSBAND this question.

Answer 2

Well lady there could be several reasons for this. firstly if he is above 35 or say 40 then he sure has had his fill and would like to initiate it. Have u not heard that the wives have to initiate once the men cross that figure of 35 yrs or so?
May be he is the variety who want the female partner to initiate it. What i am trying to say is that he is the passive sort and wants u to dominate the whole thing. in any case it should not be a big issue. u both can sit together and try to find out each other's preferences. And why not initiate it u want to have it? what is the harm. why have false modesty? after 16 yrs of marriage i would expect u to have understood his nature. of course i expect the same from him too. So may be u both have to be more demonstrative of ur wishes.
Try to understand his views about initiation and may be u can find a way out that suits both of u fine. Good luck.

Answer 3

It's good that you are still wodering what your husband want & what is good for both of you. If he prefers you being the one that takes the initiative then so be it, if you like doing it then it's a perfect match. You may have been the one that was in charge of that & you never even noticed till now. There is also a small posibility that there was a point in ur relationship that he was the one that tried & didn't get what he wanted so he made a consious desicion to let you be the one making that choice so that he dosent feel bad when he got regected( we sometimes forget small details )
The next time he makes a move on you tell him how mnuch you love it when he does that.
He'll probably start making the first move more often.
Good luck.

Answer 4

Look lady after 16yrs. Don't you know how? I know everyone changes from time to time. Why shouldn't you tell him? Just because you been together for 16yrs he can't read your mind. Put on some high heels, knee stockings in a teddy in walk around him while he laying down in the bed. He will trip out. That might get him to start initiate something.You need to find out is your man aggressive in the sag. Ask him. Some people are uncountably with one other, and you would think you wouldn't because you been together for so long.He just might be the lay back type of guy in let you do all the work. Well sweet heart let your hair down, in just be wild women. Change some things in it will go a long way. So what if you have to do it first.Just do it.

Answer 5

Personally my opinion would be that the easiest way to resolve this would be for the two of you to have a good sit down and conversation about what it is that is missing and/or needed to improve things in this area. Each of you silently awaiting the other to make the first move can make for a lot of lonely nights, as you have explained. Lets face the facts, after 16 years of marriage the majority of us are pretty comfortable in the relationship and at times begin to take things for granted. The honeymoon stage has long passed and we actually think we know what the other is thinking. Well this is not so, as you have described as if things are not discussed then there is no way we are aware of what is lacking. If necessary you two may even be wise to seek the assistance of a sex therapist who may help rejuvenate the affection etc. in your love life. But personally I believe that this could honestly be settled by having a honest and open minded discussion between two people who obviously are still in love if they are together for this long. Best of luck and
congrats also for 16 years of marriage.

Answer 6

maybe since you have been married to him for 16 years you should already realize that he waits for you. You said that it was 2 weeks without sex ... then you let the days go by just like he did ... so your being as passive as he is about your sex life.
I think you two should talk ... find out if maybe he is having sex issues or if you are being paranoid.
Try taking control in the bedroom for a while and see if that is what he has been waiting for.
Good Luck.

Answer 7

Wow....HUGE breakdown of communication, if you ask me. How many other topics are there that don't get discussed because you're each waiting for the other to say something??!

You both need to sit down and tell each other how you feel about this (and other stuff that might be bothering you). If you can't talk about something so basic as sex, then should a crisis arise, you're going to be in deep trouble.

BTW, you SHOULD have told him that he should just initiate if he wants sex; how else are you to know? Neither of you is a mind reader, right? And if you're not interested, all you have to say is "No."

Answer 8

Some people find it difficult to ask or initiate sex in case of rejection or lack of self confidence. If this is the case then maybe you could have some sort of signal that he only does if he wants sex like playing a certain cd when you both go to bed that way you will know and in a way he has started it.
In time you can increase what he does like he has to hold your hand to let you know.
If you both take it slow and move in tiny steps he will eventually be able to start it

Answer 9

I'm kinda in the same sitiuation as you, the wife doesn't initiate as much as I do either. But, I have to ask, why does it both you so? If you want to have sex with him more often, then why not just ask him. It seems that he is respecting you by waiting for you to tell him it's ok to have sex. But I also know how you feel, you get tired of always being the one to initiate, it almost seem like there's no attraction, but I'm sure there is, otherwise he may not be married to you anymore. Have you tried talking to him about it? I did with my wife and while she's not initiating it as much as I'd like, she is atleast trying. Hope that helps, good luck.

Answer 10

I've been married 26 years and went through that same phase. We talked and found we were both just trying to be considerate of the other. You know, being tired, not interested, etc. We'll, long story short, we both now just talk, we have sex on the average twice a week and we are happy. Of course when we go to Vegas that jumps up to twice a day... but thats another story. LOL

Answer 11

My husband does exactly the same thing and its we've been married 28 years. It won't even work if you tell him to initiate it because he won't. The only thing I can think of is that somewhere in his long distant past either some girl told him in no uncertain terms no, and he was devastated by it, or hes just too polite (mine is) to press a point. Men are so strange sometimes, but if all you have to do is say to him I want you to... then do it, you can't change his spots even if it puzzles you. And believe me, I've had 28 years of being puzzled.