I am married now for three years. We are having a great marriage.
So… everything is going smooth except for one thing that we keep fighting about.
I am a very private woman and I love to keep our life for us alone. I don’t discuss my marriage or my issues with my friend or family. My husband understood me and we agreed that this how it should be. Our life is our business not others.
My husband’s brother lives in the same town we live in. My husband adores his brother and they must meet 2-3 times a week. Plus, they have to talk on the phone every single night for an hour or so. I am ok with that. My husband loves his oldest brother and he want to stay on contact.
Fine…. My problem is that: my husband tells his brother everything about me too. My plans, project, illness, friends, family .. etc. His brother tells his friends about me too. I talked to my husband 100 times and we had fights over it. He always promise me that he will stop it but he never do.
help pls
2007-01-30 06:24:17 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Many thanks for all your ideas guys. I really going to think it over. But I would like to clarify this: me and him are having a great friendship even before we got married and now its even more. And guys, I don’t have anything to hide, its my life that I live to keep it in this house.
To Mrs. Tx girl: excuse me Miss, do you know my real name or did you ever see me?? That is why we all use Yahoo to ask our questions without exposing our real selves, so we can receive neutral answers.
& Mr. Monty: I think you are the one who got issues if you answer when you do not understand what it means to be PRIVATE. Is your life on the news tonight????
2007-01-30 07:33:59 · update #1
Hello Siera,
I went through the answers, most of answers are helpful, and you should start thinking about it.
But some answers, give me a break guys!!! EASY GUYS….
This lady picked this category seeking help for one problem that she is facing and need our help. I don’t think telling her that she got ISSUES that she should deal with, or to say how silly her problem is!!!! Do you really think this answer will help her???.
Come on people.
Lets just open our heart to any person who is posting his/her question in a polite way.
I am married now for 12 years, and I faced something similar to this. I was feeling bad because of it. Me -my self-, I am a private person and I don’t like to announce my life to others. Ya, sometimes we talk about marriage with families but not in details, unless I am facing a very serious issue, then I may go to a counselor or to a very close friend for feedback.
I will suggest to you: be patient and choose a time that you are both peaceful in one evening. Talk to him and tell him that your relationship with him is so great and he is a very good husband and a friend – as you said-, but you do not really appreciate anyone to discuss your life. Just be calm when you talk to him, do not pick a fight to let him know how you feel.
Any misunderstanding or any hard situation between a husband & wife can be solved, in a quite evening with communication and love.
Its clear that he loves you and you care for this marriage so much that this is the only problem – I wish – that you are facing. So, handle this issue gently and keep talking about it.
Trust me, communication work like magic and caring one for another will protect your marriage.
When man & woman get married, they say their vows alone in front of the priest. I never saw a priest asking the family around to say vows after him. Therefore, at the end of the day it is your marriage and your life.
God bless
2007-01-30 08:36:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Siera that is too bad that he cannot honour what he told you prior to your marriage. I imagine he feels that sharing his life with his brother (who you yourself have said is such an important part of his life) is just a natural thing to do. I imagine also that his brother shares his life with your husband. Providing he isn't sharing every intimate detail about your life's then personally I would not see it as a big deal. Actually it sounds like your husband is proud of you and enjoys bragging about you to his brother. It is a real shame that it is causing so much friction within your household. Perhaps the only way to resolve it may be to attend for some form of marriage counseling where a third person can maybe help to change what it is that is so upsetting between you both. Like yourself I prefer to keep things that go on rather private but do and am very comfortable if either of us discuss some issues outside with those close to us (friends and family). I honestly wish you the best of luck with this, but again have to emphasize that I personally see know problem with this as he is not doing it in any malicious way.
2007-01-30 14:39:26 · answer #2 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I really see you as making an issue over nothing. These two brothers have a close family bond and as long as they aren't discussing what you two do in the bedroom, why make your husband feel like he has to be on guard talking to his brother.~~
Families care about or should care about each others lives, plans,illness & etc. what's going on in general. We are excited for one another and happy and concerned.
Why not try to be a welcome part of your husbands family rather then setting up rules & being a prude. He will love you and respect you so much more for it.
There are so many dysfuncial families, you can play a big part in making yours a very functional one, that when the love you have for family is such,that when you enter the room, its like the sun came out. ~~~~Don't be a knit picker !!!!
2007-01-30 15:27:08 · answer #3 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I've been in the opposite situation. I'm the talker and my husband is the private one. From personal experience, I have talked to people about our business out of some crazy idea that they could help me more than my own husband, but over the past year this has come back to bite me and I've lost friends over it. My husband fought with me too over it for 2 years and it's just one of those things you need to learn on your own. Now, I talk to my husband if I have any problems and it's been hard sometimes, but so worth for our marriage. Not much help here for you, but I understand your frustration.
2007-01-30 14:36:30 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's very strange that these simple things can come in between a good relationship. Of course you have a right to your privacy. He should learn to respect that . Talk to him about tit again and demand that he stop it immediately.
He is free to discuss anything but your PERSONAL affairs with his brother and let him know just that. Let him know in no uncertain terms that it is interfering with the marriage and it will eventually bring on separation. Tell him also that an unhappy woman is not the best thing for a marriage and that he is making you very unhappy.
2007-01-30 14:35:58 · answer #5 · answered by rowell1608 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
So simple. Tell him that since he is unable to comply with your wish to keep your life private, you will have to sit next to him when he talks to his brother and go with him when he visits so that you can monitor his discussion like a mother would a 5 year old. It is great he keeps contact, but this is obsessive. Good luck, your gonna need it.
2007-01-30 14:33:29 · answer #6 · answered by javelin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe tell him you need a few days in privacy and that you are going to get a hotel room. That all of this gossip is really getting to you and you need a break from it. Maybe while you are gone he realize how it makes you feel. If not atleast you got some privacy And some time to think. Best wishes. (ps take a deep breath and relax)
2007-01-30 15:42:41 · answer #7 · answered by chaa107 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hello dear, i think you have a wonderful husband. He talks to his brother about you because he loves you. He does not say bad things about you, he only tells the good things ? I think you dont need to see a counselor. You need to be little bit more open and just accept it. Just reliaze you are such a vital part in his life, therefore whenever he has a conversation, you happened to come in the conversation. consider ur self lucky
2007-01-30 14:40:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well you are married so I mean , It should be alright I mean I'm sure the In Laws met your Family at the wedding and have ther own opnions and its good to know he cares to talk to his brother like that. There not much you can do even when their togethr and your not around he still talks about you i'm sure of that. so There nothing you can do just Relax and don't worrie not unless you have someting to hide.
2007-01-30 14:40:03 · answer #9 · answered by michellegprix99@sbcglobal.net 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your husband obviously feels the need to talk to his brother to get things out. Have they always been close and shared everything? It sounds like you're trying to change who he is and his relationship with his brother which is a loosing battle.
2007-01-30 14:35:21 · answer #10 · answered by rishathra7 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋