can you give me advice?

Question

I am 21 years old and I have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend or just a plain friend in years. i feel very lonely and rejected. I used to think that everyone rejected me because i´m overweight. then i saw all sorts of people just as overweight, who have boyfriends or spouses and plenty of friends. i´m in spain, and i´m very lonely without my family. My belly is hungering after affection or after junk food. I cant get affection, usualy all i can get is food. will it ever get better?

repetitive suggestion about getting out of the house is annoying. i am in spain, damn it lol. even when i´m at home, i go out walking about 6 miles everyday. walking does not effect weight loss. its fun though.

my family is in the US. i´m united statesian

Answer 1

Relax, you are a great person and you are not the only one there out that needs a friend. And remember, the best way to have a friend is to be a friend. Avoid clinging to people and this can drive them away. Again, just relax a little it makes others feel relaxed around you. I can tell you are a very thoughtful person and life always takes a lot of twists and turns. In a year you could find yourself overwhelmed with too many friends. Things can really change that fast.

Answer 2

Aw, you're suffering from something that all of us experience at some point in our lives And I know it can be beyond difficult to adjust to a new city or state, let alone a country in a short period of time. Sometimes the best thing to do is to gradually try & get out of the same routine. Start talking to various people and make an adventure out of exploring your surroundings.

Also you might want to look into counseling or some kind of therapy, even if it's something like a support forum on the internet. It certainly helps to communicate with people who are going through similar situations in their own lives. I don't know you, but you sound like a kind and thoughtful person who has more to offer the world than a so called "perfect" body. If you feel like you could be healthier, than start taking longer walks and try to make healthier food choices. Sometimes I crave high calorie snacks when I'm feeling down and I need a little rush. However, a while back I began monitoring the way that I felt afterwards, so that I could remember the negative effect that the treat had on my body after that momentary kick. Usually I got a stomach ache or a headache... It might help you rethink the way you eat.

Either way, I hope you reach out to someone (whether it be a friend or a counselor) and let them know how you're feeling. I really think that could help, and also it wouldn't hurt to check out some of these support groups on the net. Best wishes

Answer 3

Yes it will get better, you have to make it that way. Don't dwell on the fact that you are overweight, that's not the issue here. You're weight is due to your emotional dependency on food. We all have dependencies, whether it be food, exercise, shopping, etc.
Your self-esteem is the issue here. All it does it take a few tries of getting up on that horse and you will eventually be riding with the best of them. Every morning, wake up, look in the mirror and remind yourself of what a beautiful person you are, inside AND out...pick out what you think is your best feature and focus on it, and work it like a supermodel. Go out and join a group that you share an interest or hobby with. Just meeting people in one form or another will help tremendously. You will be able to work on your social skills and see where you need improvement and where you shine. We are all "in the works" so to speak, so keep in mind that even the person who seems like they have it all together and figured out are still making progress and changes. It's never too late to start, either.
As far as the food goes, you need to change your view about it. It's not there to help you feel better, it's there for your body's fuel. If you think of it as sustenance instead of something to do, it will be for the better. If you can't seem to get portions under control, get snack baggies and fill them with small portions of fruits, veggies, etc. That way, when you feel the need to munch, you won't be overdoing it and will have to make extra effort for a second helping, which most people won't do (it's all in the head). Any time you feel the urge to eat and it's too late, or you have already eaten, get up and do something, anything...clean house, or go for a walk...your body will thank you. Number one, give it time: changes in your body (and in your head) will not happen instantly, so stick with it. If you happen to mess up, don't stop with your new routine and habits, it's just a minor setback - everyone has them.
Until then, get out, have fun, stay strong, and focus on the positive! :) Take care.

Answer 4

First of all, don't be so needy. It's really unhealthy. Secondly, get rid of the junkfood, fast-food, fried-food, and anything with transfat. Just eat three simple meals a day, and dont eat for pleasure and dont eat to get full. Control yourself. Thirdly, go for a walk (20min) before breakfast and a walk after dinner. This will help reduce the production of insulin in your body after meals. If you do this, and stop having unnessary sugar which is found in sodas, chips, candies, ice-cream, and other junk.. you will lose weight up to 10-15 pounds a year.
If you unemployed I suggest you get a job. If you work but are sort of alone at work, then I suggest you get a different job, one which you find yourself surrounded by newer people. Also, weekends, you should volunteer at different places. It helps establish connections, and helps you get out of the house. Sitting is probably the most unhealthy thing humans do... you want to always be on your feet. IF you are in madrid (sounds to me like your in college) go to the central park and just bike ride, or walk.
I find photography helps me stay on my feet.. with Digital SLRs becoming so affordable, everyone is a potential photographer anyhow.
There are a variety of ways to keep yourself busy, so you stay active and don't sit around and think about food and lonliness. Just promise you wont resort to being sluty and giving yourself away to some guy just so you can have a boyfriend. Give yourself some time to adapt to this lifestyle, then step it up. Start jogging in the morning, and at night after dinner. The more you sweat and the more you reduce sugar and sugar substitutes from your body such as High Fructose Cornsyrup, the more you will feel energetic, and the more weight you will lose.
Honestly, this is probably your best chance to get yourself motivated. Just remember one thing, you're 21, so you have time to improve yourself respect and your image. You don't want to lose the best years of your life by sitting around feeling rejected. You are obviously smart enough to realize this, and you and I both know you have what it takes to be beautiful (and you probably are more so than you think). Good-luck to you! I'm sure you'll be fine.
P.S. Seriously give it a try.
Dont make excuses for laziness, and walking does help alot, this is easily researchable. But hey, its your life.

Answer 5

Sounds like insecurity is more of a problem that being overweight. You're probably quite and not outgoing because you anticipate being rejected. Which is why you don't have friends. Not your weight. Force yourself to talk to people and have conversations. What are your interests? Join a group or club in these interests. You'll meet people and have things to talk to them with. Then next thing you know you'll be friends with them. If you feel your weight is a social burden you can always try losing weight. Start walking everyday and you'll feel your self esteem getting better. There's nothing wrong with you, you can do it.

Answer 6

You very rightly have identified the problem. The fact that you are lonely will cause you to gain even more weight.

Life is not fare.No man will fall in love with your personality.

In my young life , I was fat and lonely. At 17 I joined the Marines, who took 85 pounds off of me in 12 weeks.

Girls fell out of the sky. This is life.

This problem will take an action on your part. Never stay home early, get out and walk. join a group for weight loss, like weight watchers etc.

In my later life I had gained it back, one day at weight watchers a slim woman who joined weight watchers to fit into her wedding dress, leaned over to me and whispered, "you're starting to look interesting" I went from 280 to 150 lbs. once again the sky opened.

The one good thing about being you. Is the compassion, humanity and sweetness you must have. Lose the weight and those qualities will make you even more beautiful.


It's like buying a house, fix up the outside and people will come in to see the inside.

You can do this.

Answer 7

Take a walk in a crowded area and notice the couples where the woman is overweight. Also notice the good looking men that are sometimes with them. Many men prefer larger women. One reason for this is that men may want a woman like their mother or grandmother. Also notice the couples that do not look like they belong together based on looks. Regardless of what you look like there are many men who would want you. More important than looks is your attitude. Men prefer women who are or (pretend to be) confident. Confident and happy is sexy. You do not have to be this way naturally. Copy behavior from women who show this attitude. Pretend to be this way. Maybe this will become you when you suceed in your life. Never give up. Work hard at the things you want. Make yourself smile and make yourself enjoy life. Count your blessings. You can do it!

Answer 8

You don't like yourself and niether will anyone else as long as you feel that way. Your bad habits make you feel depressed. Depression breeds lonliness and isolation.

First, you must change your habits, replacing food for something else that will be good for you.

The next time you feel bad and you desire junk food, take a walk instead. Do that everytime, replacing a bad habit with a good one.

When you feel good about yourself and LOVE yourself unconditionally, love will follow you. Big changes are in store for you! You can change your life! You are the ONLY one that can change your life. Step up and take charge. Start TODAY!

Answer 9

i think u just need to go out more, maybe a walk in the park, can help meeting people and ur health, u r not the only one thats overweight is this world. and it doest mean that u will not live happy, spain is a beautiful place u should go out more, and maybe mean while get a pet :D they are so loving and loyal :)

Answer 10

There is a saying that goes, to have a friend, you need to be a friend or something along these lines. Anyway, do you get out of the house at all? You need to get out of the house and away from the junk food!!!

Do you go out do get it? Maybe you should go out to church, bingo, or anything else that would fill your time.

Where is your family?