Why are men who shun marriage beeing portraied as angry/bitter ?

Question

I dont get it, Iam economically successfull I have many friends a good social live women and yet when I voice or advise against marriage, women portray me as bitter. Why ? I get to have a relationship to a woman, just like in a marriage, she can leave me anytime she wants, just like in a marriage, the only difference is that I get to keep my house my money and I do not get dragged down to court. Yet when I tell guys how great it is to wake up in your own house instead of beeing evicted out of it after a breakup women get angry. Why is that ? What are you missing. What is to be had in marriage you women cant have in another relationship with a guy ? I do not see any benefits and do not start with children. You can have children out of wedlock, which does exactly zilch difference to have children in a marriage since women (and men) are perfectly okay with leaving a marriage when children are involved.

Answer 1

It is portrayed as bitter and angry by feminists who are finding it difficult to find someone to support them financially during their fight for equality. (Oh the irony)
I divorced 20 years ago and will never remarry. There is nothing to be gained by marriage. I have a GF but she is well aware of my stance on marriage, or as I like to call it, taking hostages.
I made sure I can father no more children and everything I own is in my name only. I help my GF out by working on her car and buying her trinkets and toys but I will never buy her THAT ring. She knows it and although she would prefer to be married, she understands why I am the way I am about it.
I have found that I can keep house and work a full time job far easier and more cheaply than I every could when married. I have more money and more sex, even though I am past middle age.

Marriage for men is, at best, a lose/lose situation. Once married, they stand a better than average chance of losing everything they may have worked a lifetime to obtain, including the love and companionship of their children as well as up to 25% of his salary for a couple of decades.

The underlying idea is that when a woman is single, typically people will wonder what a man did to her to make her want to be single; when a man is single, they wonder what's wrong with them, or at least that has been my perception to people's reaction.

I would suggest to any man contemplating marriage to find someone he dislikes and purchase her a house and send her 25% of his salary for the next 18 years to do with as she pleases. Then to imagine having a broken heart every day trying to understand what it is like to have children he cares for more than life but cannot even speak to, visit or help. Add to that, an argument at least every other week wherein nothing he says is even heard, much less regarded.
Perhaps, if his imagination is strong enough, he'll understand what he can lose.

By the way, I am bitter and angry but I've earned the right after living though the above.

Answer 2

I think marriage was once good, but now its a loosing proposition for men. I don't think men are bitter, they are simply not blind - below you will find a short list of rational justifications for these opinions from men.

Feminism was also once a good thing when it was about equality and fairness. Now its about women having it all - the career, the kids, the perfect husband without anything having to give. Men are seen as bitter yes, but why is that? Could women be bitter because they are realizing that nobody can have it all and that neither gender entitles you to anything? This may not be the case, but it SEEMS like it from observation.

Bottom line - men and women alike are pretty unhappy about the current state of marriage - perhaps for different reasons, but unhappy non-the-less.

quote from www.mattweeks.com/strike. This information can be verified through other sources as well - particularly unbiased ones like direct, raw statistics such as the department of labor, family court statistics, etc.,....

-quote-
Take a hypothetical husband who marries and has two children. There is a 50 percent likelihood that this marriage will end in divorce within eight years, and if it does, the odds are 2-1 it will be the wife who initiates the divorce. It may not matter that the man was a decent husband. The reality of the situation is that few divorces are initiated over abuse or because the man has already abandoned the family. Nor is adultery cited as a factor by divorcing women appreciably more than by divorcing men.

The new trend that has taken hold of the court system is what as known as the "no fault" divorce, in which the filing party needs only to cite their general discontent with the marriage in order to be granted a hearing. Women initiate these unilateral divorces-on-demand 3 times as often as men.

While the courts may grant the former spouses joint legal custody, the odds are nearly 40 to 1 of the wife winning physical custody. Overnight, the husband, accustomed to seeing his kids every day and being an integral part of their lives, will now be lucky if he is allowed to see them even one day out of the week.

Once the couple is divorced, odds are at least even that the wife will interfere with the husband's visitation rights. Three-quarters of divorced men surveyed say their ex-wives have interfered with their visitation, and 40 percent of mothers studied admitted that they had done so, and that they had generally acted out of spite or in order to punish their exes.

Then, of course, there is the issue of financial losses due to court-imposed payments. In the end (99 times out of 100), the wife will keep most of the couple's assets and --if they jointly own one -- the house. The husband will need to set up a new residence and pay at least a third of his take-home pay to his ex in child support, on top of whatever alimony payments the courts impose upon him. These can run as high as another third of his income. (Add the cost of taxes to that and the man gets to keep exactly 13% of his take-home pay -- he'd better pray that's enough to keep him alive.)
-quote-

Certainly this doesn't take into account the woman's perspective on the issue, but the question was about why MEN who shun marriage being portrayed as angry/bitter. Just as certain, the answer is in how MEN see the issue rather than how women do.

Women as a gender have just as many reasons to be bitter about relationships as men - its just not what this questions was about. I would be very interested in seeing comments from women in a related 'other perspective' question of the same nature though.

Answer 3

I am with you. I am an unhappily married woman who now is having to find a way out of this marriage and it's going to be so much more stressful---mostly because of financial reasons---having to sort out all those messy little details of who gets what. You may just be coming off as being bitter. If I were to meet and get to know you and you started to voice your opinion about the many downfalls of marriage, I may (or may not) begin to think that you were putting up some walls that would keep us from being committed friends. For me and some other women, we might agree with you but just don't press the issue.
There actually are some things that women seem to need that make no difference or have little meaning for men. One is that all important RING. Flinging it around as if to say I have found someone who thinks I am perfect and worthy and loves loves loves me. And for many women it is the romance thing. The big wedding. I doubt you have to think very hard to come up with any more reasons because I would imagine you already know. We are all different. Good luck in finding someone who understands you and where you are coming from on this issue. You may be in the minority, but there ain't nothing wrong with that.

Answer 4

How about the prenups? Try bringing that up with women....and look out. I think that the proper manifestation of marriage is better than living together/having kids out of wedlock, but it's so rare. I agree totally with your main premise though. Why should careful & wise be portrayed as bitter. One of the most lamentable manifestations of mislead feminism is screwing the man through divorce. Taking the house (if he really paid for it), accepting alimony indefinitely, and restricting access to the children have huge negative effects on the perception of women as equal, kind, independent beings.

Answer 5

Spoken like a truly bitter and sad individual who has never found love. There are benefits to marriage. As long as there are women out there like you, more power to you. I'm guessing you are either getting divorced, divorced or in a lousy marriage. Good luck with you woman problems but based on the answers you have posted to others' questions, you really have no clue about women or how to deal with them.

P.S. Doesn't your computer show you the Spell Checker?

Answer 6

Most men who 'shun' marriage aren't portrayed as angry or bitter. YOU'RE portrayed as angry and bitter because not ONLY do you shun marriage, but you go on and on about how men get shafted by women and get thrown out and brought to court and all these generalizations about how all men in divorce get the short end of the stick. All of this crap eventually mounts up, see, and implies to those reading your rants that you are in fact angry, bitter and lashing out at those who you imagine injured you.

Talk even-handedly about the plusses of staying single, and leave out the diatribes about how all women use marriage as a weapon of male destruction and perhaps we won't see you as the angry, bitter, lonely man that you appear to be.

Answer 7

it's not just men, but also women who are shunned if they do not marry. if a woman choses not to marry she's a 'man hating bull dyke'.
marriage is one of the foundations of family and therefore society. people think that if you do not have the traditional marriage (man-breadwinner, woman-stay at home mom) then you're against society. personally, i don't understand this, and i think that if two adults want to get married, fine, if not, equally fine. marriage is more a legal contract than anything 'romantic' these days.

Answer 8

i m with you, dude! im 47 and single and keep it that way.
i have a girlfriend but thats it. i like going home to an empty house
married coworkers said i was smart,
dean in baltimore

Answer 9

I consider them as role models.....

Answer 10

Angry AND bitter... You get laid more when your MARRIED.