Okay I had back problems last year that caused me to become disabled and bedridden for much of the year. I was on heavy medication, suffered depression and wanted to die most of the time due to my constant pain. Well I had surgery 2 months ago and am doing great physically but still endure fatigue and soreness. My husband is on the warpath complaining about how I am not fulfilling him sexually because I am not physically healed yet. I understand that sex is more fun with a more proactive partner but I am physically fragile/weak still. My question is this, as long as I have sex with him a few times a week, can I be excused for the time being for being physically limited? Should I feel bad about my lack of abilities? Is sex every 2-3 days so bad for now? Do I deserve to be told he is scoping other girls since I am so unsatisfactory? Would any other guys be patient through their wife's illness and wait for her to return to the freak she can be or put her down through it all?
2007-01-30 05:40:53 · 35 answers · asked by aouija 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I only needed this one surgery. My doc says in a month or two I shuold be in top shape.
2007-01-30 06:02:34 · update #1
I did suggest he masturbate and he told me he wouldn't be thinking of me.
2007-01-30 06:09:16 · update #2
OMG! Does he really tell you he is scoping other women out? I can't beleive how far some people will take this. Sex is the icing on the cake, NOT the cake itself. It seems men often don't get that though. My husband for one sat through me being ill for months, and we maybe had sex once or twice. 2-3 times a week when your back is sore is pretty impressive. Youre probably doing it mostly to keep him from cheating though which is really sad. I think personally that he's in the wrong here, VERY wrong, and youre in the right. What's he going to do? tell a woman "I have to cheat on my wife, because she can't have sex because she has a bad back, well actually she can have sex, but she can't be active in sex, because she has a bad back..." uh like most women with any self esteem would kick him to the curb.
2007-01-30 05:50:46 · answer #1 · answered by stripedbook 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure that he loves you alot. So why don't you two talk about this? I'm willing to bet that if you were to have sex sometimes that he would be more understanding of the situation. And after you are healed and everything, why don't you two plan a weekend away so that you can "make it up to him". lol. That way he's not completely deprived right now. And you both have a goal to work for. Something he can be excited for just like you. I'm sure he'll be willing to accepte what he can at this point. And when your all better then really be able to have some fun with him. =) Good luck!
2007-01-30 06:11:12 · answer #2 · answered by gi_jane_kicks_ass 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok i am nice . sounds like you are too .
the truth is i would be happy with your current sex supply for me but hey thats me
your husband wow if your actually having intercourse 2 or 3 times a week and this is following back opertation that you have not recovered fully from wow your amazing
tell your husband to read my answer i am a guy and wow maybe he needs to try having sex when he is not well say in pain or weak .
honestly mr husband your wife is doing freaking great i think you should be bringing her flowers and doing the house work as well as doing yourself at this time .
someone needs to kick you were it counts and then send the wife in for her sex needs see how you like it .
you know what i am so upset reading this question . i have not once in my life suggested to couple that they should divorce but
i came back to this question after some time had passed and i think the husband in this marriage is abusing his wife and she should leave . i hope she does and gets far more then half of everything the wife in this marriage should get 90% of all the husbands earnings for all of his life even if she dies her estate should get the money to do with as she wishes that is how much of a @#%&*&^$ the husband is here.
I AM A MAN WHO IS ASHAMED OF YOUR BEHAVIOUR.
2007-01-31 18:10:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I have to agree with some of the other guys above when they say that you are married to an a--hole. If he truly loved you then he would be very understanding. Relationships are about more than sex and if he is already threatening you about some one else he is not worth the trouble you are spending on him. Speaking as a married man 2-3 times a week is more than enough.
2007-01-30 06:11:59 · answer #4 · answered by Cam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All i have to say is..."For better or for worse, through sickness and in health"!
Has he forgotten these words!?!? There's no rreason to blame yourself and nor eason to feel bad. Its not like its your fault and its not like you just feel like not having sex. There's a reason as to why you "Cant" fulfill him completely right now and he HAS to understand that. If he loves you then he wouldn't make you feel any worse. How would he feel if he had some type of surgery and he couldn't satisfy you completely? How would he feel if he had surgery on his penis? Would it be thoughtful and caring if you went around complaining about it?? He needs to be there for you emotionally right now. Hes being selfish towards you and that can be bad not only for your self esteem but also for your marriage. If he cant be by your side for this and hes being insensitive, what is he going to do if anything worse was to happen to you? Is he gonna walk out!?!? Hes proving himself to be an asshole. Sorry and i hope things get better for you. Everything happens for a reason and there's nothing that can happen that is IMPOSSIBLE to fix and IMPOSSIBLE to handle. Life and experience make us stronger so hang in there!
2007-01-30 06:38:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a lot of variables here. When my wife was pregnant with our son, she got very sick and had to be put on bedrest, then go to the hospital for bedrest. Things looked pretty bad there for a while. Her blood pressure went through the roof and the doctor told me it's a miricle her kidneys and liver still work at all. Going to the hospital every night after work and seeing my wife looking like she was dying with our unborn son inside her was not a turn on, to put it mildly. Did I give her a pass on the whole sex thing? In spades! But my body and mind and spirit also started going through the grieving process. Four months without a home cooked meal, sex, in depth conversation (too much stress if we talked too long) etc. and always talking about my wife in the past tense ("Yeah, my wife and I used to love that...", "Oh, my wife would have been so thrilled...", "I wish I could tell Teresa, but can't excite her you know...") and yeah, large parts of my mind and my spirit thought of her as dead. Add the no sex, and it's no wonder that a short skirt caught my eye from time to time. But again, I was going throgh a sort of grieving process, and if a girl ever did try to talk to me, all she heard about was my wife. (Mostly in the past tense, I did have a few people at work who didn't know me that well that thought she was dead from the way I talked, but also thought I was way too sappy since all I talked about was my wife.) Add the physical exaustion to the mental and emotional, and I couldn't have cheated on my wife even if I'd actually wanted to. A two hour commute each way between her hospital and my work, meetings with doctors, daily phone calls to her mother (since she couldn't talk on the phone) and my parents and our family friends, not to mention getting the house ready for her eminant return and the bringing home of a baby, a pet dog, two pet cats, and a home based buisiness, I wasn't getting enough sleep.
But, for me, that was just four months. And sex every 2 or three days? Umm... no.... more like six months without any. (Another two after the baby came, doctor's orders.) You're going on two years from the sound of it, and you're at least able to participate a little. So your situation is very different than mine. On the one hand, it's easy for me to say, "Ha! I went with less than that!" On the other, it's also easy for me to understand how frustrating it can be.
I think you need to get a third party arbitrator to help the two of you come to a conclusion. Make it someone both of you choose together and both of you trust, and agree to go by whatever that person says. Someone who is detached from the situation, but knows you both and gives intelligent advice.
2007-01-30 06:36:34 · answer #6 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This was going on before the surgery.
After a year I imagine he is getting tired of it being one way.
Maybe you should try to infuse a little desire into your activity.
It sounds like you are accepting your duty.
He may be a bit insensitive but the lack of input from a partner
can be a frustrating turn off.
Maybe he is looking for some response not just sex.
A lot of this may be a result of being the target of depression BEFORE the surgery. There is more than one kind of healing required here.
2007-01-30 05:53:37 · answer #7 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2-3 days sounds pretty satisfactory to me, but I'm not him.
It really doesn't matter how he should feel, or you should feel, only what you'll do about it.
Anything that involves the two of you together is better then apart. You could even ask him to masturbate in front of you if you are too tired to help. An appreciative audience is more fun then alone, and keeps you two connected.
Good luck, and I'm glad the surgery went so well.
2007-01-30 09:01:38 · answer #8 · answered by kheserthorpe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is wrong. When the two of you got married in your vows it states clearly "in sickness and in health". That pertains to sex in the marriage as well as being there for them emotionally. You have to be a younger or newly married couple, for sex will eventually not become a focal point in the relationship, it is a bonus. Me! Personally, would tell him not to let the door hit him in the backside as he was out scoping the other girls and find me a MAN that wanted more from me than just the bonuses.
2007-01-30 05:54:05 · answer #9 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why wife suffer from depression and MS and the frequency of sex is once a month if I'm lucky. I am also going out of my mind since she is not very loving toward me. While I do express my frustration to my wife, I don't disrespect her.
Your husband should be satisfied that you are trying your best and I think he is a jerk for telling you he checks out other women.
I wish my wife was as responsive as you are.
2007-01-30 05:57:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋