me and my husband went through a bad patch, he made mistakes and so did i which we have learnt from and are now happy. But udring the bad time, 7 months ago, he spoke to a girl from work on the phone for a week. it broke my heart, and i am still trying to forget it. he has always been devoted to me and for a time we were nasty to each other but we have always loved each other.
my heart and mind feel as though they are broken and sometimes i cant take these overwelming feelings anymore. we put 100% into our marriage and he cut all contact with his friends and this girl. I guess it woke me up to the fact that i loved him very much and that i didnt want to live without him, but i get images of him talking on the phone and it hurts so badly that i cant breathe. how can i forget this and get on with my life? i guess i cant forgive myself for letting my marriage get to that stage and i hate myself for it. today i though that i should just end it all.
2007-01-30 05:38:34 · 10 answers · asked by english_latina 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need counseling and help to help you through this...Do not give up.... you need to learn how to forgive him and get past this....
http://www.marriagetoday.org
http://www.drphil.com
2007-01-30 05:49:36 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, a lot of people make worse mistakes in marriages. You are not the only one. I had a trouble marriage. My husband did not stray, but he was hooked on some pills, and at the time he hated me and said a lot of nasty, hurtful things. I struggled with the pain ( as I call it, ripping out my heart and stomping on it) for more than a year. I tried everything. Hating him didn't work. Trying to forget didn't work. Then I tried this. First you need to bring up everything that bothers you if you have not already brought it up, talk to your husband about it. If you have already had a discussion about a certain subject, then don't bring it up. Next, pray to God. Ask God to forgive your husband for the bad things he has done. Ask him to forgive you for the bad things you have done. Ask God to help you get over the resentfulness you have towards your husband. Pray every night. Ask God for the same things. Also, when you start to think of all the negative things, think of something positive about your husband. How he opens the door for you or how he makes lunches for you. Anything positive. If you want tell your husband about this. Perhaps he will do the same. I told my sister and it helped her get over her husband cheating on her. Also, realize that your husband is a good guy. Just made a mistake. Sometimes husbands have what I call, DUMB A** attacks. Good luck.
2007-01-30 06:03:18 · answer #2 · answered by Jackie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that you guys are going through a rough patch, my husband and I have had our fair share of those. I know you said you've both made mistakes, but you seemed to focus some on the phone calls. I would feel the same way if my husband did that, but take heart in this. Temptation is one thing, giving in is another. Though talking on the phone with another woman is no doubt painful, at least that's as far as it went. FYI, a great book that helped me alot is "the proper care and feeding of husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Great insight in it. Good luck to you.
2007-01-30 07:03:21 · answer #3 · answered by Wendy B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The sentence that caught my eye was "I guess I can't forgive myself for letting my marriage get to that stage..."
Doh! Last time I checked, marriage involves 2 people (Unless you are a polygamist!lol) and you seem to be shouldering a lot of the blame...A big no-no!
First, a little reality check...You won't forget it! You have to learn to handle it. As long as it is the dominant thing on your mind, it will constantly put strain on you relationship. I think you may need to seek professional help, in the form of either a marriage counsellor or a psychotherapist to help you deal with all the pent up aggression, confusion and sadness you feel. If your marriage is truly as strong as you say it is, then you have nothing to lose by trying, have you?
Please let us know how you get on!
Hope this helps!
2007-01-30 06:51:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will tell you that it is the worse pain I have ever been through. When I found out about my husband and a co- worker I wanted to die.The heart ache was to much to bear I felt like one of the walking dead.I remember one night when I was in the shower crying so hard I would yawn in the middle of crying I said to myself please GOD don't let me wake up tomorrow let me sleep and not wake up.People like us really no what a broken heart feel like,there is this big empty hole where your heart use to be.I do no how you feel and what your going through.The only thing I can tell you is when ever you feel the pain coming on get out your diary and write everything you are feeling towards him and her.Write down like you are talking right to him face to face.One thing don't let him see it.This is to make you feel better about yourself.I'll never tell you to forgive him because for me that will never happen.Another thing I did that made me feel better.I went out and bought a cheap tape recorder .Some of the things I said on it help me a lot .I called him every single name I could think of and then some.I hope this helps you
2007-01-30 14:29:49 · answer #5 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you and your hubby must love each other very much. You both need to go to counciling to help you through this if this is what you want.
All the best and work at it if thats what you both want. It will take time to get through this
2007-01-30 06:04:04 · answer #6 · answered by Pinkflower 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
GET A GRIP. You are just bitching about this and its not even the real problem. So what if he TALKED to someoene and has cut of contact with her. Stop your whining seriously and figure out what is really bothering you.
2007-01-30 06:47:42 · answer #7 · answered by jennyve25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lighten Up.
You understand the separation thing and your attachment.
Why are you obsessing now ON PHONE CALLS?
What would you do if was doing her?
Grow up. Get over it.
Next time you think of pushing him remember this.
2007-01-30 05:46:47 · answer #8 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop worrying about it. It is like this, if they are going to stray, there is nothing you can do about it. yIf you can't get by this, you have to move on and be happy. If oyu are going to be happy wiht your husband you have to get over what happened.
2007-01-30 05:54:00 · answer #9 · answered by browneyedgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to look forward, when you have those feelings. think about all the good, and the future. I've been thru worse, i just looked forward, and that helped. that's all you can do. you make your life what it is. if you want to be happy you will be.
2007-01-30 05:51:17 · answer #10 · answered by D T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋