My husband is a lot older than I am .. the women he hangs with are not so nice..Help?

Question

His friends wives are always ignoring me to a degree.. and it seems what I say is petty to them. Or atleast they act like it. What could I do to not let this bother me. Or say to them to make them feel my pain?

Answer 1

I am in the same boat.

"Listen up"...

I am much younger than my husband. His ex is ten years my senior. She's jealous. His daughter is nine years my junior. She's jealous, also. I know how to quickly spot jealousy. Fortunately, for me, I was born with this skilled eye, plus the realization that, ha ha!, women are just jealous creatures to begin with. Add on a smidge of insecurity and a dollup of laziness towards keeping oneself fit in the physical department, and, VOILA!!!, their jealousy of their chosen target is that much more magnified.

I was born very, very fortunate. I don't have a jealous streak in my being; I don't have any reservations about speaking my mind and I am never blind to the fact that I may be in the company of jealousy!!!

Learn well:

WOMEN is to JEALOUS as LJ is to REVENGE

This is your ticket to turn your awkwardness into a chance to throw something back in their faces. They're jealous of you because:

1) you're hot
2) you're young
3) you're hubby's married to a young, hot woman
4) you're still fertile and some of them may/may not have hit menopause.

What do you do?

This is what I do when we're at a family event where my hubby's ex will be present:

I play up the best part of myself.

I am a dress size zero and I work out, so I am toned and 10 yrs younger than she is. I dress to play up those physical features.

Next, I am very affectionate with my husband and I do everything for him in front of her.

Next, I kill her with kindness. I am very kind to her. She wants him back as she's still in love with him and I rub it in her face.

I promise, if you follow these directions, you'll realize what you do have instead of what you don't, which is, what????? You HAVE everything, you just don't realize it.....then you'll be much happier in the long run.

The secret is to guard your marriage and place it in a very protective and unbreakable shell. Your husband doesn't have a clue as to how to do that, but with experience, you will.

Try it!!!!!

Good luck....

Answer 2

You don't say the age difference or what ages you are which means a lot. Usually if a much younger woman marries an older man it is for his money which could be what these other wives are thinking and therefore will have no respect for you. If this is not the case then you just need to be patient, if you can win one over the others will come around. Listen to what they talk about, learn from this. Communication with your Husband is a big key here, If he understands the situation and this is a loving relationship he will speak with his friends and if they can't accept you then he needs to make other arangements. Be yourself and friendly, let them know you are worthy of their friendship. Good luck .

Answer 3

Just because they don't like you doesn't make you any less of a person than you are. I'm sure there's people out there you don't particularly care for, but you just may not be as obvious about it as they are. Maybe you feel the pressure for the wives to like you in order to feel a sense of belonging in your husband's world. As long as you and your husband get along and you have supportive friends of your own, I wouldn't get too worked up about it.

As for cause, it's difficult to say. Was your husband married or in a long term relationship before you? The wives may have pledged allegiance to her and may be reserved about letting you into their circle so quickly. Maybe your age is intimidating to them. Sometimes its threatening to have a new "younger model" around - might give their husbands some crazy ideas. Maybe they're more secure than that, but can't relate to where you are in life or find ways to talk to you. If you really want to break the ice, try to help out whenever possible - clearing or doing dishes, watching their kids, helping prepare food/drinks. Small gestures like these can mean a lot. Paying compliments here and there also helps or asking some advice suggests you value their opinion. Ultimately, if they see that you and your husband are happy in the long term, they should eventually come around. If not, their loss, right?

Answer 4

I apologize to you that your husband has not noticed this yet. Must consider possibilities here. If you say anything it seems that these women already have a high opinion of themselves or have gotten to know each other so well, they are now a clique and not really letting anyone else in to their group. I would, if you wish to continue hanging out with your husband in this group , bring a book or some other activity you can do by yourself. If your husband asks how you enjoyed yourself, just let him know the book was great. If he truly cares he will ask how the other women were. Then let him know that they don't seem to enjoy your company. You are doing this for his happiness. He may either talk with them or maybe suggest a different activity which the two of you would enjoy... I hope this helps... Let me know...

Answer 5

Do you share any common interests with them?
That's always a good area to open dialogue with them.

They may just be intimidated by the age difference, and unwilling to be mature about it.

Your husband should be sticking up for you and understanding your pain more than anyone else.

If I had friends whose wives treated my wife like that, I would not be hanging out with those friends. There's no need for that type of petty, childish behavior.

Answer 6

I know how you feel, my husband is 17 years older than me also. This used to happen to me when we first started dating. Everyone thought I was the trophy girlfriend and it would not last so they didn't want to get close to me. Do you think this might be the case with you? Tell your husband how you feel. Tell him you do not want to be around these people and why. He could have a talk with thier husbands and explain why he will no longer hang out with them if their wives don't except you. Give it time they will eventually come around.

Answer 7

are you the second wife? if so, these women may feel a loyalty to their old friend, his first wife... there is little you can do about it if this is the case.

are you simply overreacting to their actions? you could just be a little insecure with this relationship, and be projecting that onto their reactions to you and what you have to say. take some college courses, start a hobby, join a volunteer organization, and make your own friends. this could help you feel more secure, and what these women say or do will matter less to you.

if not, there is nothing you can say to them that will make them think you are anything other than a young and inexperienced person. in fact, if you do try to say something to "make them feel" your pain, you will just come across as immature. listen when they are talking, without chiming in. wait until asked for your opinion before giving it. be helpful in group situations (such as at barbeques or parties) by offering to help with dishes, cleaning up, etc... eventually they may warm up to you, and who knows, you might even learn something about them, about your husband or about yourself in the process.

Answer 8

I have a similar situation, as all my husbands friends are married with children, the wives don't work and stay at home. We have elected not to have children, and I work full time, so I have nothing in common with them. I have told my husband that I feel uncomfortable when we go to the functions they like to have, but I don't want to deprive him of his friends. The difficult part is that since I am more career orientated, I get along better with the husbands than the wives, and that leads to all kinds of nasty stares from the wives. So, we simply have an arrangement, where I take it for as long as I can, but when I say it's time to go, it's time to go - no questions asked. So you might try something along those lines. Depending on how much younger you are from them, maybe try to approach them with questions, asking their advice or for them to share experiences, you know draw them out. Just don't "over do" in trying to prove yourself to them. Your husband is the only one who has to love you and be happy with who you are. So don't pretend to be something you are not inorder to impress his friends - they really are not worth all that effort if they won't accept you for who you truly are, if not for your sake, then for the sake of your husband, their friend.

Answer 9

In my case the friends wives weren't half my problem as much as his sisters and sister-in-laws. I was only a couple years older than their kids. He was the baby of the family, yet 13 years older than me, his mother was older than my Grandparents. I felt at times when I went to family gathers that they wanted to put me at the kids table, which would have suited me fine for at least they talked to me, which also got on my sister-in-laws nerves, their kids wouldn't tell them anything yet we would talk for hours. His friends had kids as old or older than me but most of the female friends would ask me what I thought about something their kids wanted to do or were into and I gave them a different perspective on the situation. I had to make my own way in an older get together but I never let it get to me, I felt where I lacked their experience and wisdom, I made up for it in, if not knowledge, the will to learn and communicate

Answer 10

Don't worry about it.
You can't please everyone. Im 20 years old and married, and my husband has a few married friends that are older. Their wives always act like I'm somehow "inferior" to them because I don't have the experience they do and blah blah blah.
What the problem REALLY is, is that I'm young and attractive and still in the best part of my life and I love and enjoy it. Me and my husband are still adventurous and excited about each other and those nasty old hens can't get over it.

What's important is that you have freinds you're own age that you can relate to. If your husband inquires about this, you need to explain to him the problem and let him know how uncomfortable you feel.

Answer 11

You know your history with these friends was there something in the past to make them feel that way toward you if there was maybe time will make things better. If not you should be yourself with confidence, that is don't worry if they like you or not but let them know by your actions you like yourself and so does your husband. I like that type of person even if I don't like them there is something admirable about someone that lets others know I am here to please myself and I'm not changing anything for your approval. I would keep silent about the whole thing to mention it would let them know they have gotten under your skin when it doesn't they will either stop or make bigger fools of themselves.