pregnant by rape?

Question

im 19 years old and im 7 months pregnant because i was raped.i never once thought i was going to have an abortion because even though the pregnancy was unplanned as soon as i knew for sure i was pregnant i loved my baby more than anything.now that its getting closer to 9 months im worried about the future,how and i going to tell her she was concieved because i was forced to have sex?

Answer 1

oh dear this is a very hard question to answer there's alsorts of things to consider was the rapist caught if you tell your child about the rape would your child want to meet its dad later on when its old enough ? Only you can decide what to tell your child i hope everything goes well for u x x

Answer 2

Wow you are so brave. i really admire you. I would wait until your child is a lot older then maybe tell her how that a bad person hurt you but the one gift he did give you was the most beautiful baby. If by then you have a partner who has taken on your child as his own, maybe point out that he is the "real" dad to her as he has loved her and cared for her. The rapist is not her dad. Make sure you tell her that she is a wonderful person and because she has been brought up in a wonderful environment she will always be a good person... i just worry she may feel because her "biological father" was a bad person somehow she is too...reassure her that this is SO not true.

You sound like a wonderful mum already and i hope this child brings you happiness you could only dream of. I hope you find true love and know what a true gentleman is.

Good luck and i think you are so brave.

Answer 3

This is something that you will have to explain to her when she is older. When she is young just keep it simple. That he was not a very nice man and he made bad choices. Because of those bad choices he cannot be near you or I.And that even though you suffered when you were near him that he gave you the most wonderful and beautiful gift your little girl/boy. Writing down the feelings in a diary or journal now, about the rape, and the confusion, and finding out that you were pregnant and everything up to this point and give it to your daughter/son to read when they are older would help. Knowing that you sincerely love them and that you do not begrudge them coming into your life will help tremendously. If you just try and tell them when they are older, they may not feel like you are being sincere (you know like when you feel like you look like crap and your parents tell you that you are the most beautiful thing in the world and you roll your eyes). I think an honest Journal of feelings and events would show them that you loved them from the start regardless of the way they were conceived. Write it real do not try and "pretty" it up, continue this diary until you feel there is no unanswered questions.

Answer 4

The best thing is to be 100% honest with the baby, i dont even want to pretend that i know what you are going through, but you are a very strong woman, stronger than most i think, as most wouldnt have been able to keep the baby. I think the baby will feel loved and part of the family as long as you treat it with the love you feel now and dont start to resent it. When someone grows up with love and support by family member/s they know who they are, and are secure, it dont matter how we were conceived when it comes to it. Most people these days were not planned, conceived on 1 night stand etc, This is not a perfect world. As long as you reassure the baby it will be okay

Good Luck and COngratulations

X

Answer 5

Bless you for your courage and the beautiful strength of your convictions! You made such a wonderful, loving choice and I am sure that it has not always been an easy one. I have never understood how a mother could take her anger at a man for his actions and want to destroy an innocent little baby that was part of her also. I am sure that if I had been in your situation I would have made the same decision. None the less, you deserve major kudos and congratulations for being the strong, intelligent woman that you are!
What I wanted to say to you was this....why would you bother to have a conversation with your little one about the manner in which she was conceived? You are worrying unnecessarily. That is a conversation that you will never have to have. I have five children and not one of them has ever asked me how they were conceived. That is just not relevant to children and it is not something that they will ever need or want to know.
What you will have to deal with is your child asking who and where their father is. Now that is a question that you need to be prepared to answer.
Will she hear it from others before you have a chance to talk to her? Decide in advance what you are going to say to her. At first you just answer them in ways that they are old enough to understand. As she gets older her questions will no doubt become more direct. I would not tell her an outright lie. By the same token I would try to cushion the truth as much as I could. For a long, long time she will be too young to fully understand what it means to a woman to be forced to have sex when it is not what she wants. That kind of understanding will come when she is a young woman herself, needless to say you have a long time to worry about that.
Tell her only what she really needs to know, keep it simple and ask others to respect your wishes and not tell her more than she is capable of understanding.
Again, let me congratulate you on being able to seperate the precious baby from the crime of its father. You are an extraordinary woman. Good luck!
Blessings to you and your baby.
Lady Trinity~

Answer 6

Don't think about that now. You have plenty of time. For now take care of yourself and get counseling. You're so young and yet so many year ahead of your wisdom. Are your parents supporting you. I hope so. You will need all the love and help you can get. God gave you this burden for a reason. You sound like a strong person. People that know what happened! Some will support and some will not. Watch out for those that don't because they may cause you problem. Just remember God will be with you all the way.

Answer 7

You have at least 15 more years before you have to tell her! dont stress but be honest with her when the time comes. She may be the product of rape but you loved her even before she was born. I think you are a good person for sticking this out and going through with the preg. She will be old enough to understand later in life and understand what you went through. Let her know that you never once hated her or had any bad feelings about her when you first found out you were preg. Even IF you did, never tell her! She will resent you and feel real bad about herself, so maybe lie about that..

Answer 8

how would you know you are pregnant from the rapist and not your boyfriend? well if I was raped I'd rush over to take the morning after pill(or if you go to the hospital and get a rape kit they will offer you one) and that way that wouldn't be a possiblity. If somehow I missed that I would for sure get an abortion I know many will give me a thumbs down but I'm pro choice for reasons like that I would not raise my rapists child.

Answer 9

I have a friend who just had her baby from the same deal. Only it was the only time she had ever had sex, she didn't know the man, and she was 16. She asked me the same thing. I told her that once the baby is old enough she can explain to him the kind of man his dad is. She can tell him that just because that is how he was conceived doesn't mean she loved him any less and that in fact he made things Great for her. She will understand when she is much, much older. Good luck

Answer 10

I'm a baby born of rape... there used to be an online support group called Stigmata that helped me a lot. My mom was 14 when she got pregnant, and I was 15 when she told me how I was made. Being told mid puberty in a time when i wasn't sure about myself as it was had to be the hardest thing I had ever had to deal with. Not to mention that when I was 20 my mom wrote me a letter telling me she never loved me that when she looked at me she was reminded of the horrible thing that happened to her and I needed to stay away from her while she healed. She didn't show up to my college graduation, she didn't show up to my wedding. It sucked! I always felt that i was a little out of place and if you met my siblings you'd know immediately that we were raised very differently even though we lived in the same house. Life was hard, for both my mom and I. There were days I wished she had of given me up for adoption. I was very lonely and felt abandoned a lot. Weather or not I actually was... it's how I felt inside. After the birth of my first born I remember holding him and crying "How could a mother have such hate for her child when I love this baby boy so much it hurts" I think it was then that I realized the extent of her pain and just left things alone. Today we're good, we talk probibly once or twice a month and dont ever bring up the past. She has had the time that was needed and things are better because of it. I have such respect for her. She's a very strong woman to have had to go through that. I'm now 26 and expecting baby boy #2. Long story short... be sure you are emotionally ready to tell your little one about her conception before you do. She will have a lot of questions that is going to tear open old wounds whether you are ready or not. I personally would have rathered my mom wait until I was curious about my biological father then just springing it on me one day but perhaps she had a guilty concious and HAD to tell me then, I don't know. In either case it's not going to be easy for you nor is it going to be easy for her to hear it. Wait until she's older though, I wasnt' old enough to handle it at 15 even. Before that when I was told about my coming to be they said my father took off to Alberta when he found out my mom was pregnant at 14 because he was 18. Which wasnt' exactly a lie... apparently my grandfather threatened to kill him LOL I wish you all the best for you and your baby and the best of luck with your life ahead of you. I admire your strength and know you'll make it through just like my mom and I did... hopefully your road isn't as bumpy as ours is though.

Answer 11

well, you have a couple years before you have to tell the baby anything, as it is not until 3 that babies start forming sentances, and he/she will probably not even notice until they are in school.
i would say that you can tell them the truth. probably when they are about 11 or 12. until then, just reaure them that you love them. if they ask where their dad is, or who he is, just grab them, and hug them, and say "we make such a good pair, we dont need a daddy" this will only work so long though. then, when it doesnt, when they are old enough that they are like, "mom, yeah, we are great, but for real, where is my dad?" then you say something like "i dont know hun, i never really met him. he took advantage of me, and it must have been gods way of giving me you."

i also want to say that i am very proud of you. most people get an abortion as soon as they figure it out, they dont want any reminders, they dont want it to screw up their life, but to embrace the child, and to not condem it because of the way it was conceived. god bless you

good luck. have faith. follow your heart.