He isn't helpful..?

Question

My daughter has been sick. She is 5 months old. I get up and down all night to tend to her while her father stays nice and comfortable in bed. We had a blowout argument about this about 4 months ago. He said he would start to help more. He said he would get up with her sometimes. Never Happened!
The reason I am on him so much about help is because when we met it was only myself, My 4 year old and him. Then his ex gave up her son to us. He is 10. Then I got pregnant, she is 5 months, then the pawned off her daughter on us. So, I went from 1 kid to 3 in a matter of 2 years. I am constantly taking care of the kids, on top of a full time job. Don't get me wrong I could do it without him, but why have to if he is here?????? He left this morning mad, didn't put on his ring and didn't say anything to anyone. I told him how I felt before he left. Should I have kep my mouth shut?

Answer 1

You were definitely not wrong, but timing is everything. Did you actually want him to listen, or you just wanted to vent? Because starting an argument first thing in the morning is NOT the best way to get him to change his behavior. Wait until all children are in bed, make yourself some tea, relax on the couch, and THEN TALK about what you are FEELING. Tell him you are frustrated, tired, etc etc. Then let HIM talk. Listen to what he has to say. He may feel inadequate, left out, etc. If it is truly a partnership, you will listen to him, and try to work out the issues.

Answer 2

The last thing you should do is not say anything. He's the father, he needs to step up to the plate and be a dad. My wife and I have 3 kids and when they have been sick, I get up in the middle of the night with them, even when they were babies. My kids mean more to me than me getting a full nights sleep, no matter how many hours I have to work the next day.

Sounds like your husband is thinking only of himself and not you and his kids. He seriously needs a wake up call. When you have kids, it's not just your job to take care of the kids, he's there he HAS to help too.

Sit down with him and tell him that you need his help with the kids. Because he is their dad.

Answer 3

no he needs to step up to the plate and take more of a father role . You know being a father does not mean go to work and bring home the paycheck and be done with it . He needs to help like maybe put the kids to bed at least 2 nights a week maybe read to them . It is his responsibility too . He is their father and he needs to take more of a role in the care of the children . You could always call nanny 911 . good luck .

Answer 4

No, you should not have kept your mouth shut. A marriage is a partnership, not a nanny service.

Talk to him again, and tell him that you really are over extended and would like him to buck up and help. Often times he may not truly know where he fits into your routine, so delegate. (I know we want them to help because they know they need to help, not because we tell them to, but sometimes they need direction!)

When our children were little I used to give my husband the old elbow once in awhile in the middle of the night and let him know it was his turn. I also did a bit of Mommy strike - all the things that I always did I just didn't do (not to the detriment of the children) but as an eye opener as to what it was I did do all day.

We have a very good partnership on child and household responsibilities - it just took some grooming and compromise to get there.

Answer 5

He went to work acting like a child! Not wearing his ring suppose to be punishing you? This guy needs to grow up and start being a partner. Drastic times call for drastic measures. Move the babies crib into your room and you go in another room to sleep. He will have no choice but to tend to her and you need a good night sleep. When the other kids want something, no matter how small, tell them to go to Daddy! See how he likes it. You have enough kids, you don't need him acting like one too. Of course we women can do it alone but he needs to step up to the plate, it's his family too. Good luck

Answer 6

Can you imagine how everything will fall apart if you left your duties for a day! Wow I really am happy that you stood your ground and told him how you feel. Never be afraid to communicate because that is the key to it working. I think you should have a civil conversation with him and tell him how this pressure makes you feel. I hope it all works out!

Answer 7

Sounds like there are deeper underlying issues that are not being addressed. This is not just about the kids. Why would he take his ring off? Just because he is mad? come on there is more to this, both of you have taken on a massive challenge and it is stressful financially, physically and mentally...a real strain on the best of relationships. I think before things get worse you seek someone like a councelor or chaplin to help.

Answer 8

HELL NO, do not keep your mouth shut. These are his children also, that means 50% of the time HE should be helping you out, and that means getting out of bed and letting you rest. You'll be wearing yourself into sickness if you don't make him get up. And if he doesn't like it, then he should have worn a condom and not gotten you pregnant. I'm so sick and tired of men (and yes women too) that refuse to help out and expect their spouse to do all the work.

Tell him to grow up or get out and stop behaving like a child himself.

Answer 9

No don't keep your mouth shut. He needs to start acting like a husband and a father. Remember, however, no yelling or accusing. Stick to the situation. State your complaint. Good luck.

Answer 10

NOPE! Sounds like he needs to step up and be the partner you expect him to be. Marriage and child care are team efforts. He needs to pull his wait in all aspects of both of them. DO not back down on this. Men in America have the wrong idea of what is a husbands duties.