Is being married really that hard? what is your schedule/life like?

Question

I'm starting to freak out a little. I'm getting married in July and there is just endless things to be done that aren't even wedding related. Last night my fiance made some comment to me that "well that's how it's going to be from now on". This came after I was on the phone for an hour and a half working on getting new car insurance for both of us and having to spend the day now at DMV. It kind of seems like if I get married all I'm going to be doing is working, coming home, cooking, cleanining, doing "chores" with absolutley no fun ever again (not even being able to watch TV!). It's starting to sound just miserable. Is it just like this with the stress in the beginning or do you establish a more comfortable, less stressed schedule? any advice, comments, stories. Please let me know.

a few detalils lol 1. yes I'm from America! New Jersey in fact! 2. we are not cheating or wanting to cheat 3. He does help with cooking, he works etc it just seems like he expects a lot more from me than he does from himself if that makes any sense. It boils down to I feel like I do so much for him and don't really get anything when I need or want it in return i.e. help with things, compassion, help when I'm sick. Maybe it's just me and I'm being a big baby. who knows.

Answer 1

Seems to me that your fiance' is making the engagement out to be something like, "OK, my work is done, time to sit back and let the wife take over the household stuff."

NO.

If you love each other, your days after getting married should be no different than before - yes, you have business that needs to be done, but the relationship itself remains unchanged.

Know what changed the day after I got married?

Nothing.

We got up, went to work and school and lived exactly the same as the day before. Yes, with babies we wound up with very little free time to just hang out, but that's what family is all about - you give up your free time because kids and family life IS your hobby for the next couple of decades.

Don't like it? Stay single.

What really has me worried is your fiance's comment that "well that's how it's going to be from now on"... this is a BIG RED FLAG to me. You just have to ask yourself - because he's not going to answer - what ELSE is going to change and "be that way from now on" without him helping? Is your hubby going to become a couch-bound slob? How much of your family business is HE going to handle? Is he the type of man who is self-secure enough to do some of the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry...or is he the type who needs to watch football on Sunday while you cover ALL of that?

Without knowing anything about you and him, my advice is to have some real deep talks with this guy (because I get the impression that this hasn't been done yet) or... call off the engagement with this loser and find a REAL man.

Answer 2

Number one, you are not married yet. Some stress over getting married is normal. I've been married for 23 years, I am 43 now. It wasn't always easy, as a matter of fact, I grow and learn every single day still. Yes, it takes work and commitment in a way a single person wouldn't have to worry about. It also has tremendous rewards. Looking back, we have so many memories we can share. I would suggest going into premarital counseling, seriously. If you attend church, see if they offer it. You will have to change some things but gain others. If this relationship is all give and never receive, I would not enter it. You both have to understand that. Some things you will need to do are boring and time consuming but done for the one you love. There are times for fun and should never be given up. Take a good look at the person you intend to marry and jot down all that you like or dislike. You have to be totally honest with yourself. We sometimes tend to overlook things because we are infatuated with the person. Those things will then someday be bothersome. If you have serious doubts, I would wait a while and seek counsel in order to understand this commitment. Divorce should never even be part of your vocabulary. Best wishes to you.

Answer 3

Marriage in general is not that hard, even after hearing all the war stories that scare you. It's different with every couple. In our house, I am a stay-at-home mother, I cook, clean, take care of our children and he works outside the house. At night time, we both enjoy spending time together and with the kid's. Some weekends, we even go out and have some fun without the kid's, depends on our moods. My husband helps with alot around the house. If I don't feel like doing anything, he will tell me to just sit down and relax and he will cook and clean. The only thing you would have to get used to is getting to know each other better and doing things together. That doesn't mean you will never have your alone time though. Marriage is just like being engaged or dating but with a little more committment and love involved.

Answer 4

Like the others said, if you feel that you'll just be doing chores the whole time, make sure that he helps you and if he hadn't you should start telling him now that you won't be doing everything, cause when a man or woman gets spoiled it's hard to bring him or her back down to earth LOL. You should do that before the wedding, no use doing it after. If he has been helping you, then I guess it could definately be the stress. Don't just think about the work and chores, think about the fun things too. You'll find a way, there's always time to relax every day, just make the time somehow. Work together on it.

Answer 5

The most important thing about marriage is communication. Tell your future hubby how you feel! If you cant communicate and share your thoughts & feelings with him now, you will never be able to. I have been married for 10 years and I must say that it is the most difficult and the most wonderful thing on this earth. But you both have to work at it. There is plenty time for fun and you share the chores and cooking etc. Chat together know what he is good at and he does those things and vice versa. If he is going to be bossing you around and making you do everything then you dont want to be in that marrage. Just remember that both party's are equil in a marrage.

Answer 6

Whenever you have another person in your life you have another persons life to share and that means sharing the fun and the not so fun.The tedious things you use to do for yourself will now include another person's tedious chores as well.Your life will change dramatically and there will be lots of times when you come home from work if you work and have plenty chores to do because before you only had you to clean behind and your laundry to be concerned with.Not saying that your man won't help out but unless he does his own laundry and his own cooking and handle his own chores and business,yes you will have a lot more to do and just thinking about it exhausts me.Some people don't mind the work it takes and find joy in doing these things with some one,but you had better make sure you are one of those people.

Answer 7

Being married is something that has to be worked at by both partners. It is usually give and take on both halves. Honesty and good communication will help to make a marriage stronger. If you have an issue the best thing to do is to talk about it. Bottling up your emotions is too stressful for you to keep in. It's usually just crazy before and leading up to the day of the wedding. I can't say it is easy, but it is worth the work. Don't worry you can still have time to watch T.V. Congratulations & I hope this helps! :)

Answer 8

Marriage is a life-altering event and yes, you are going to have to change the way you're used to doing things. However, marriage involves compromise, which means he should be making changes too. You should both be discussing how you see your future life together, how to split responsibilities, handle housework, finances, kids, holidays etc. Find a pastor or a counselor who can give you both some pre-marital counseling (usually the minister doing the ceremony can do that). That will help you work through some of these important issues. You should be comfortable with your man and with your future role as a wife. You don't sound comfortable and I would recommend not going through with it unless you're sure it's a good match.

Answer 9

well it would be good if your husband helped out. if he's not willing to help with "chores" or to take care of things then you may want to reconsider. marriage is hard. but you have to make sure that what you want is what he wants. if he wants to be able to sit on his *** all the time while you do all of the cooking and cleaning and you aren't the type who likes to be someone's maid then it may not be the right one for you. too many people don't think things over very well before getting married and that's why divorce rates are so high. marriage can work as long as you are marrying the right person for you and your personality. some women want to do it all and allow their husband to just sit around while other women want a man who will help out with the house work the cooking and the kids. to me it should be 50/50 but not everyone feels that way. best of luck to you

Answer 10

I don't know where you are from but here in America, we don't just cook and clean all day for the man. We are not second class citizens. He helps out too because a marriage means UNION. It is 100% from BOTH partners, not just half and half.

Your idea of marriage seems to be distorted. Maybe that is what you see in your parents but it doesn't have to be that way. Look at it as living with your best friend and don't look at it as an inprisonment because it shouldn't be.

If you really love him, it should be a happy feeling. You either aren't ready to get married at all or maybe you are just marrying the wrong guy.