if you get back together with wife after she cheated?

Question

if you agree to get back together after you wife cheats should you ever talk about it again or should you put it away and never speak of it again. Im looking for some help? i bring it up every couple of days and im wondering if not talking about it will help me to put it in the past. im not a bad person and neither is my wife she just used some bad judgement and i really want to forgive her and be a family again with her and my kids but i keep screwing it up with talking about it but sometimes i feel like im going crazy
any help would be great
thanks

Answer 1

Until it's resolved 100%, you're going to think about it and want to talk about it. She should talk about it with you.

Answer 2

Well your not screwing anything up your just going with your feelings and it's obvious your not over what your wife did. Maybe instead of bringning it up to her every couple of days you should sit her down and talk about your deep feelings of hurt toward what she did. Or maybe you should consider marriage counceling. The point is you either have to forgive your wife and move on or leave the situation. Because your wife will soon get sick and tired of hearing about her indescretion and she might just end up leaving you for good. If you really want your family back then talk to her and sort this out some how. Just don't feel bad for having these feelings cause it's perfectly natural to feel as you do. Good luck!

Answer 3

If your wife's infidelity hurt you but your not willing to end your relationship over it, I suggest that you sit her down, explain to her how it hurt you, ask why she felt the need, and ask her how she feels she will be able to regain your trust. If you do not know the person she cheated with, then there is not a constant reminder. There must be something lacking in your relationship for her to cheat so sit down in an enviroment that has no distractions, you are both comfortable and relaxed, and start asking questions. Also point out that you may be able to forgive but you never forget. That is what my partner said to me after I had a momentary loss of good judgement, went out with someone else and came back to him and told him that I was leaving him because I wasn't happy. The hurt on his face was very apparent so much so that I immediately decided that I was wrong and that I would regret giving up 16+ years of true love, loyalty, sacrifice, and hardship for the unknown future. I hope this helps.

Answer 4

You, know..my wife cheated on me after 8 years of marriage..for one whole year behind my back, while i was working the evening shifts. We have a kid together, which makes it hard.Well she left me for this other guy, and her relationship w/ him is not going so well, i think they will break up soon. Sometimes I think about forgiving my wife and trying to start a family again, and putting everything in the past.But we are not even back together 'cause she is still w/ this guy, but when we talk about trying to work things out. We start arguing about it, and fighting, cause i start to remember. So i do not know how it would work out, if we ever get back together. I do not know if she will do it again?! And i am joinig the Navy, so i will be away sometimes, and she will be surrounded by good looking guys...so i have a lot ot think about..

Answer 5

Well just the fact that you have taken her back says a lot about you. You are a good husband. But I believe that you and her should sit down and talk about it. At the very least ONE TIME. then bury it and get on with your marriage. Now by talking I do NOT mean about the details of her affair. I am talking about why she did it. Like was it something you were or were not doing that she felt you should not be doing or that you should be doing. It also doesn't sound like she wants to talk about it. I would approach her and tell her that you need to put this to rest so you can get on with the marriage. That you DON'T want details just reasoning. At the very least if she refuses then maybe counseling might be in order. Either way GOOD LUCK.

Answer 6

I am like your wife and my ex and I are kinda thinking about it. Anyway he never brings it up but I know there still some trust issues. He did it too. I did tell him and this does not make it any better but I told him everything . I had to be honest and not hurt him anymore. I got my Karma we all do so maybe you need to talk about it but maybe with someone else because she may have a lot of guilt still and you may just reinforce it. If your willing to get back seek some professional counseling for you and her together. Good Luck I hope It works out for both of you.

Answer 7

You both need to have one final conversation about it. No matter what is said, or done. It is never brought up again after that night. You decided to take her back, and yes as painfull as it is. She slept with another man. You have told her that you forgive her, but when someone defies your trust. It's not always so easy to forgive. In your heart, you may think you have forgave her, but not in your head. Because obviously you cant let it go. Yes, it's something that will probably torment you for a while, but if you truly still love your wife. Then you have to let it go. If not you will never move forward from where you stopped. Your marriage will fail, ....So by all means....if it comes down to a knock out...drag out screaming match, then let it all out..both of...If not..You will carry a burden far greater then the on she placed upon your relationship. Gl..I hope you are able to make things work

Answer 8

I got back with my husband after he cheated and it was hard not to talk about it, but we did better when I just let it go. The past has to stay in the past - you can't move forward if you are still living in the past. I am glad for you for putting your family back together. My marriage didn't make it as he cheated again, but I do know of several marriages that made it through an affair and they were very happy for many years and no other affairs took place. You wife made a mistake - don't punish her forever - life is too short!!

Good luck!!

Answer 9

My hubby cheated on me and we talked about it for about a month after it was all over. For me i needed to know what happened and where was it any good. And a lot more. He said it helped him to see how much he hurt me and that made me feel better knowing he knows what i am going through. After that i have brought it up from time to time but its 10 months ago now and a lot has changed so i think yes bring it up for a month or so but then its dead and buried and it should stay in the past if you are ever to be happy again.

Hope this helps i am happy to talk to you to if that helps know how you feel its hard. and she may not want to talk about it.

Answer 10

Not talking about it ever again works for some, not for others. The best answer may be to seek counselling marriage counseling for the both of you. It could be for her she doesn't want to face it or talk about it, and that you need to discuss it fully so that you can let it go.

People don't like to be reminded of their mistakes, and she may feel by your bringing it up every couple of days that you are trying to find fault, but also it could be if she feels guilty about it then every time it comes up she feels bad, no one likes to feel bad. So she gets defensive, this is just ifs and maybes.

Many times we don't realize it is how we say things that is very important.

First you need to figure out how you really feel about it, yes you guys are back together but did you "forgive" her? Do you trust her? Or do you still have unresolved feelings over the issue but want to put it behind you? Could you still be harboring unairred feelings of anger or hurt? If you have unresolved issues, but can look at your own responses to the situation, then fine nothing wrong with being human we all have things we need to deal with, and is it is possible that you may both have some unresolved feelings over what has happened.

It is very likely that couples counselling could be what you need. No two people are the same so not talking about it at all might work for some, not for others.

First know what you need, and learn to talk to her so that you and she can learn and understand what she needs as well. Then go from there.

The difference between saying "you did this..." and "I need to understand some things about this happening... "

is the difference between trying to talk to someone and making an accusation, and can make the difference in being able to talk, or just causing problems, or arguments.

Good luck.

Answer 11

Dude, you need to stop.

I know it hurts, I know you want to hurt the jerk, I know you cannot get that vision out. But you have to stop.

You really need to get it out in the open that you have had a knife stuck in your chest. Then you have to lay out a plan for being married again. That would detail the conditions for her staying married to you. You did not say how you found out but it sounds like she told you because she felt she had to be " honest". Well now she delivered her wake up call. Now you have to deliver yours.

She was off base to go outside your relationship for "love" while not trying to change things at home. If she wants to stay now knowing where she went wrong, make her act like it. Do not accept indifference or that it was your fault.
Clamp down on her unacceptable attitude and keep it that way. She acted like a lost child treat her that way.
When necessary , and only when very necessary, bring it up as a reminder but apart from that you need to let it go.

Put limits on her staying with you and make sure she is fully sorry. If not, to the curb. It is now time for her to do the work step she skipped before.

I do know that after a time continuing to bring it up will only push her away.
So you are at the point where you need to set new rules, make sure they are adhered to and be quiet about it.

In the short form, Man Up, Exhibit your anger (without violence),
and shut up about it.