Children and wanting them and your partner not?

Question

Hello everybody,

I am suffering from a bit of mental anguish here. I am going out with a woman that i love and care for very deeply. We have been going out (dating) for quite sometime now in a very good relationship. But there is one major issue...


.....She does not want to have kids. She is 28 and is adimant that she will never have kids. When she was 22 she asked the doctor to have her tubes cut and he, thankfully, said no. But now that she is older she is talking about it again and still says that she wants to get it done.

I want to have kids and it is tearing me apart that the woman that I love doesn't want to share my dream.

how should I deal with this situation? Talking always leads to an argument and neither of us are willing to back down. Should I just accept that i will not have a family with her and move on? Should I grin and bear it?

What is the best way to convince her that getting tubes cut is not a good idea as she might change her mind in the future?

Thanks.

She does not want to have kids because she likes to have her freedom and do what she wants when she wants.

She gets on fantastically well with other peoples children but just does not want any of her own.

Answer 1

Oh I do feel for you. Because having children is the most
rewarding thing I have done in my life and I could not be
without them. (They drive you nuts too!).
She has told you she wants her tubes cut! This is just
awful - because that is final and there is no going back.
You have got to ask yourself whether you can go on through
life without being a father, and do you love this woman enough
not to resent her in later years. I know it is her body, but she
knows how you feel about having children. If she loves you
she will at least stop this idea of having tubes cut - and give
you a good reason WHY she doesn,t want children. You are
right she might change her mind in the future. This lady needs
some counselling - for both your sakes. Very Best of Luck.

Answer 2

There's got to be a deep reason for her decision. If you love her, have a final sit down with her and let her know exactly how you feel, and that you are dead set on having a family--if this be the case. This is definately a highly significant issue in your relationship, and honestly if I were you, I'd take that into consideration when approaching her with the subject. Also, it is highly unusual for a physician to deny a woman's request for a tube tying......

Answer 3

well if u have been dating for some time now you are more than likely not going to change her mind. Mabe its time that u move on cause u want something and she doesn't so whats the point in arguing over and over again about the same thing.I know that will hurt if u move on but think about what i wrote its never going to change and u would be setting yourself up for a bigger fall down the road. Hope I helped u out some

Answer 4

I feel bad for the both of you, You could just stay with your love and accept her decision or leave her and find a new love not just to have children with but someone you really love, of course this won't happen over night she may be afraid of becoming a mother or she really does not like children

Answer 5

Ask her the reason why she doesn't want to have kids. Don't center on what you want with her. Maybe she has a bad childhood or she's afraid of becoming a mother. If you know the reason why, it'll be easier to convince her.