We've been seperated for 2 years, and the main reason for me leaving was because i realised my wife no longer loved me, and for the past 7 years of our marriage I hadn't felt loved by her. She even admitted when i asked her that she didn't know if she loved me.
She said if i came back i would have to come back on her terms. What is she saying? Should i go back on her terms? Sounds like she wants it all her way, and i feel i will be hurt again if i go back, as it was a loveless marriage.
You may think i'm mad to think this way, but i have children, and miss the family situation. And i still love her! But i fear she doesn't love me, and i will be mad to go back!
2007-01-29 22:40:08 · 30 answers · asked by MarcOpolo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Forget her and find someone that loves you and makes you happy,Stop looking back !!
2007-01-29 22:44:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
After 2 years---you need to really open your eyes to the whole world out there--- You have children and you should be focusing your attentions to your children.
If you go back into this miserable existence and on the terms that are not chosen or agreed to by you what kind of life will that be? I would really think twice before setting myself up again for misery!
Loveless marriages don't work!
After 2 years you should stick a fork in it and call it done. File for divorce and get your LIFE show on the road.
Make new friends, enjoy your children, maybe you'll meet a new someone that can be a life partner to you in the interim.
Keep you eyes and your options open to change!
2007-01-30 06:51:30 · answer #2 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go out and talk with no children around, ask her about love discuss your love and what her terms are, what made her unhappy in the marriage, what made you unhappy
Then make your decision, sometimes love becomes marred by routine and the day to day stresses of life......... If you are still talking now about getting back together there must be some sort of bond there other than the kids........
Talking for hours and hours is the only thing that will help..........
Good luck its better to try again than regret never giving it a go is my opinion but don't go back just for the children, its your life too and you deserve to be happy as well
2007-01-30 06:53:30 · answer #3 · answered by xXx Orange Breezer xXx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am truly sorry that your marriage didn't work out. To answer your question, NO I don't think you should go back to your wife if she is unsure of her love there is no point going back even for the kids sake. The kids will only be more traumatised by watching you and her arguing and even if there is no arguing in front of them, kids aren't daft they know when their is something wrong. My advice to you would get your own place pay your child support and take your kids as much as you can get them they will be far happier this way. I really do understand if you truly love someone the way you do you would try anything, but you will be right back on this site in another two years asking the same questions your worth more than that, surely.
2007-01-31 14:05:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have answered your own question, that you would be mad to go back. You have children you have been seperated for 2 years, everyone seems to be in their routine. I think it would be wrong if you went back under her terms, even though you love her, you will not gain anything, if she didn't show you that she loved you, she isn't going to start now, i think your wife is being selfish, she probably wants you to look after the children so she can have fun, and you will feel you are under her thumb, stick where you are keep your relationship the way it is, i am sure your children have adapted by now, show them that you are there for them and that you love them. If you go back you will get hurt.. think back about the pain she has caused you. Good luck
2007-01-30 06:52:49 · answer #5 · answered by Ruksana P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO!!! if you go back now on all her terms you might as well take a pair of sicors and chop off your balls so she can hang them from her rear view mirror. The only reason she's willing to take you back is because the bills are pilling up. If you wanna go back to a loveless marriage and demasulate yourself in the process go ahead but don't expect to get respect from that woman again ever. You'd better ask yourself why this woman hasn't found a man in two years that you were seperated.
2007-01-30 06:55:41 · answer #6 · answered by murduk0420 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you go back on her terms then it won't be a marriage - do you really want your kids growing up in loveless marriage and in a family where your wife is telling what to do. Marriage is about being equal partners and loving each other. People can be married for companionship but that usually happens when we get older. Only you know if you can live with someone who isn't sure if they love you or not. I think kids thrive better being brought up in a happy and loving home.
2007-01-30 06:47:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi. Asuming that you have not done anythign bad to your wife to cause her to feel this way, i really feel that this is a very unfortunate situation for you.
Ultimately I think you will have to decide whether being with your kids is more important than having your own sanity and pride. I cant answer that for you. But what I know is that it is gonna be CRIPPLING to live with someone whom you love but who does not love you back. If yo go back, its not really going to be a proper marriage, not in any real sense. It sounds like "her terms" probably means that you and her will live separate lives in real terms. How will you cope with that? I cant see how you can get over someone if you are seeing them everyday, breathing the same air etc
What I suggest is that you find out what her terms are first of all, cos maybe she means that she realises does love you but some things have to change. But if she wants you to live as man and wife in name only, you really have to sit down and decide if its possible, even for the sake of being with your children. In any case You need to be psychologically fit to care for your children and i am not sure that living with someone who doesnt love you is conducive to that.
2007-01-30 07:11:34 · answer #8 · answered by Chimera's Song 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give it a go , the fact is we don't know what we've got until it's gone so perhaps you'll both appreciate each other more .
her saying it will be on her terms allows her to convince herself that she's not taking any risks because the truth is it must have caused her a lot of hurt when you left , but as i said before you don't know what you've got until it's gone . she now feels vulnerable to being hurt again even if she wont admit it .
go back if it doesn't work then you can walk away and start a new life without this hanging over you , if it works well that's what you want isn't it ?
2007-01-30 06:55:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
well if you're ok with living a loveless life then yes certainly go back - however I think it will be a very lonely and deprived type life.
No one deserves to be treated like this - and whilst I applaud you for considering it for the kids sake and because you still love your wife - its not right - there are many women out there that would love you unconditionally - so why are you settling for a woman that has openly said she doesnt love you? You can still be a great father to your kids even though you dont live with them!
xx
2007-01-30 06:49:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Find out what her terms are and also find out if she does love you. I understand that you have a family but so you really want to set the example for your children that it is ok to settle for a marriage that does not have love (or love from both partners). I would not want that type of marriage for my children. It sounds like you and your wife need to have a really long talk. Don't compromise your happiness though!
2007-01-30 06:46:12 · answer #11 · answered by Sled Queen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋