a hopeless shy asking for help??

Question

im 23 now ....been trying for a long time to get over it...been reading many phsycological good books, iv seen several therapists, but nothing helped me.. now i feel its something in my blood and i cant change it....it seems i have eeverything some one could have to be confident, secure...but i never feel confident and relaxed.. any time a guy asks me out i say no..cuz im shy and i dont want the others to know im shy...people around me at school think im proud but im just shy and thats why i dont talk to them much.. im shy....i horribly need help...donno what to do...i have no freind and my family are far away from me....

Answer 1

The Wise One can speak for himself Nina, I care. It's too big a world to be alone in it and we need friendship as it's human nature. I too was like you, shy and introverted. But I joined a group called 18+ and it's a place where people between 18-30 meet to have a chat and a social. It was fantastic. I went from having no mates and no social life to having loads of mates and out almost every night of the week.
Pop down to your local library and see if they know of any such groups in your area. Take the plunge, I did and I never looked back.

Answer 2

I used to be very shy too and it took a long time to get over it. The first thing I think is telling yourself: there is nothing to be afraid of. You are probably thinking all the time when someone talks to you: "Oh.. what should I say" and dismissing everything as being stupid, or uninteresting. Most people say uninteresting and stupid things all the time, and no one will hold it against you.

Another way to gain some confidence: get online, go to a dating site, or a chatroom, and just talk, it is easier since you are anonymous.

Lastly: If you are out, have a few drinks, it may help you to relax and talk easier. Be careful of course, nothing is worse than waking up next morning and asking yourself: what did I say and do yesterday night..

Hope this may help, good luck!

Answer 3

I used to be very shy but I found that if you think about how you want to be, as a person and create that character. So when you might turn and walk away usually, instead stand and act how you think you should be. 'playing a character' is only so you feel a bit more confident in the way you are, once you feel more confident you won't have to play that character any more, just be yourself.

Everyone gets shy at some point. Try and get involved in conversations, ones that are between groups in class are good place to start. If there's a club / group in your school that you are interested in then get involved. Don't worry about it, you'll find your way.

Answer 4

There are 2 realities. The way you think people see you and the way people REALLY DO SEE YOU. Ask yourself the question how different are these 2 realities? Then answer the question this time as an outsider who has access to your life and your brain and thoughts. How would that outsider answer that question?

Overcoming shyness is simpler than it seems. The trick is to ACT CONFIDENT. If you're acting confident but inside your tummy feels that its full of snakes then you're doing it right. Imagine a swan. Swans glide gracefully around the lake but underneath their legs are kicking away. Be the confident swan with the jelly tummy.

Then something strange will happen. Because you're acting confident people will treat you like you're confident. And because they treat you like you're confident the loop will be complete and lo you will be confident. You wont need to act and your jelly tummy will be gone!

Answer 5

dear nina this is a good question,i can understand your problem as ,i my self have the same behavior,through out my school life and further i never approached any girl and if any anybody wanted to get close to me i used to avoid them by making some excuse,and i know many people actually has this way of behavior i personally dont think this is a problem,you need to be happy in the way god has made you,i my self do not have any complaints about life it as all about your attitude towards life.any way if you would like to be my friend you can send me a mail and dont say no. because you have already made enough courage to come in open and ask for suggestion.it means you have a desire from within to make friends the only difficulty is that you feel uneasy to began with and this cant be a problem on the net,
as here you cant see me and you wont feel the same tension as you feel in personally facing some body.so good luck get started life is precious.life is colorfull,life is fast,you sit thinking it passes away.

Answer 6

This is really quite difficult to answer, but I will at least try. You say that when a guy asks you out you say "no" because you are shy. Have you ever thought that the guy who has asked you out obviously saw something in you that he liked. Try working on that for starters. Next time a guy asks you out, go out with him. You will probably be very nervous the first time, but once you go you will probably find that it was not as bad as you thought it was going to be. I see the trouble with other people thinking that you are proud because you are trying to hide your shyness away and the sad truth is that unless you actually make an enormous effort, life will just pass you by. Try to think positive. Best of luck.

Answer 7

hey,
next time someone asks you out, no matter how hard it may seem, say ok. Once you start making friends, your shyness will most probably go away. Besides, there are guys out there who like the shy type. The only way to come out of your shell is by being open to making new friends & meeting new people. If they don't like you after they've been out with you, the worst thing that will happen is that they won't ask you to hang out with them/him anymore. But if you don't go, then you'll never know.
Good luck

Answer 8

I think the best thing you can do is practice on everyday people that you come in contact with... talk to the cashier at a store
you go to or say hello to someone walking down the street. I try and talk to and meet a new stranger everyday. It can be fun.
In this day and age I think some people have lost the art of
communication. It is something we could all use a little help on in our busy lives.

Answer 9

Argue for your shortcomings and sure enough, their yours! Try positive self-talk. Instead to telling yourself your are shy, try telling yourself the opposite. Positive self-talk builds positive self-esteem, reinforces actual achievement, creates more positive self-talk. However, the opposite is also true. You can use negative self-talk to convince yourself you are hopeless, useless, shy, an introvert, and unable to achieve a normal happy and well adjusted life. Beware, do this long enough and you may not be able to change because you will develop a comfort zone of misery. Go get some professional help before its too late!

Answer 10

ha ha, join the club sister! I'm a shy-kinda-gal myself, but i'm good at hiding it so that no-one notices! i think the best way is just to look at yourself in the mirror and have a good long look at yourself. then choose 5 things you like about yourself (can be from your beautiful eyes to your sense of humor) and then focus on that good points! just that 5 manor points. . . forget bout your flaws and freckles and shyness! and if you don't trust your own comment, ask an old friend who knows you by heart. . . what they love bout you and i promise you, he/she will have more than just five things that they adore bout you!

and thank God that you are alive and well and able to have enough guts to ask this question!
good luck and enjoy YOURSELF life's so short!