What should I do "I am scared & confused"?

Question

My first wife after she gave birth of my daughter I was so happy and I can remember just like yesterday. Unfortunately on that day she was pronounced “Mitral stenosis” and needed heart surgery to replace the valve. I was shocked and felt sorry for me and for my family, for five years we been trying to get the operation done and on this journey I met an other lady who knew our situation I did not cheat my wife I told her everything according to our situation and we are Muslim. I remarried and I make two sons and. The operation was done 6 months ago and went successful.
But my new wife is causing me too much trouble & demanding me now to divorce the other one or she will leave the kids. I am honest and love them both, neither can I make my two sons without mother nor can I leave my first wife. Tell me what to do. My dear reader I was begging for three days and three nights it seems she made up her mind ... Please I need help...
Thank You...

Answer 1

I am sorry to hear this Bilal, one thing you must remember that you are not living back home, you are living in Britain. In this country it is against the law, what you have done is Bygamy, but never mind that, i do sympathise with you brother, i am a muslim too, and to discuss it in the islamic way you haven't done anything wrong, but in this day and age woman cannot tolerate another woman in a mans life, your second wife should understand this situation, if you have told her about your first wife before you married your second wife then if she agreed to this, then i don't see what the problem is. Your second wife is probably feeling insecure very insecure, she doesn't want to see you with your first wife, or having any communication with her, it is not good, her faith isn't strong, but at the end of the day Bilal you are the man, and you have to either please her or please Allah. It is going to be very hard for you, i think your second wife is wrong in saying that if you don't divorce your wife she will leave the kids, she can't love her kids much if she says, she is blackmailing you by saying that, she must be patient and what she is asking for is against islam. By putting religion aside, you will have to do what is best for you and your children, sometimes in life we can't get what we want, if you are finding it hard now, you will end up making decisions that you will regret. If you don't want to leave your first wife then don't, if your second wife agreed marrying you after you told her the truth about your first wife, then she made that decision, it is no point bringing children in this, children need stability in this world, in their loving home. Bilal let me tell you this situation will be bad, i do sympathise with you, i wish i could help, my brother did the same, but he didn't tell his first wife, but when she found out, she absolutely went mad, remember this there will be no trust, plenty of insecurity, my brothers second wife, she hasn't seen my brother in 5 years, and i feel sorry for her, she loves my brother dearly, but its the price she is paying for, she new my brother was already married. My brother now is depressed, because he didn't think of the consequences of what would happen if his first wife found out. No-one can tell you what to do, unless you go and speak to the Imam and ask for advice, remember Bilal you are talking about 2 women in your life, and it is their life too, having two wives Bilal it isn't easy, if islam is in their heart then you wouldn't be in this situation. I will pray for you, read your namaz and god to show you the way, do Istikaraah or read Tahajood namaz before Fajr namaz and ask god for guidance. i wish i could have helped, if you need to email me my email is [e-mail]. Good luck,

Answer 2

Hi, I am working slightly blind here as i am not of the muslim faith and not sure if it is within your religion to have more than one woman or wife but I am going on the belief that this is not part of your religion. So I hear that you have been honest with I think both of them and each is aware of the other, the problem you have is now although ok with in the beggining the second lady is now pulling in her authority and making demands which in this situation she will feel she has every right to do. Without sounding like I am judging you the facts are you can not have your cake and eat it too, you need to look seriously at what you have and make a decision to be with only one of your women,you need to look at the example you are setting for your children, your sons will grow up disrespecting women and your daughter will grow up and be a door mat to men just like her mother, I know you feel it is ok for you to do this to the two women but it is not if you say you love them both then give them the respect they deserve you cannot have both. If wife no two is saying she will leave her kids I presume that is with you? that would be my first insight as to how this person really is cause although it is said slightly easier for a man to walk away from a child it should never be so for a woman the love between a mother and child is something that should never be able to be broken. I think you need to take a good hard look at yourself and your life and make some sacrifices whatever or how ever hard they are this at the end of the day is about the kids not you or anyone else what is the best solution for them????

Answer 3

First of all if you really loved ur 1 st wife you would have not had time to look for a 2 nd one!!! while she was suffering u would be next to her.... with every free second you got and raising your daughter... not finding another lady!!! It looks like you gave up hope that she will survive the operation?? If you really believed in your god u would have waiting till after the operation!!
But you on the other hand got married with the other day and on top of all that you got 2 kids from her as well!!! You should know that its not impossible to have 2 wives under the same roof!!! well now you have a problem on hand!! this is what happens when decisions are made without thinking!!!
Now you can sit and talk to both of them and try to find a solution.. that is the only think you can do!!
good luck!!

Answer 4

Oh dear, having two wives is very greedy and is never a recipe for success unless you live in an Islamic country where you have 100% control over the women and beat them when they don't do as they are told. How awful that you found another woman when your first wife was diagnosed as being so unwell. I would say that what you are going through now is your just deserts for that very selfish act!

Clearly your mistake was living in a country where your second wife can even request you to divorce the first!

Answer 5

I think the second wife knew very well you were married before agreeing to marry you in the first place,i won't for a minute suggest that you leave your first wife who you said had a successful surgery and is now doing well after giving birth to your daughter.
Who do you think will marry her when you leave her? it won't be fair to her,how will you feel if the same thing is done to you, i suggest the one who can't share can leave,and beg your first wife rather to take care of the two boys if your second wife leaves them behind,let this be a lesson to you,although you are allowed to marry 4 as a Muslim,i don't think it works in this day and age.
When she leaves concentrate on your first wife alone and don't be tempted to go for number three,she will be worse than number two.
What at all do you men want in life

Answer 6

Your best bet would be to approach this diplomatically, and try to put your "new" wife at ease. I really don't see how a mother could ever leave her children. I can't imagine what the kids are going through. Please try to work this out with your family peacefully. Anger and resentment will only make things worse. Let your wife know that the most important thing is the well being of the children that you share together. I hope you are able to sort this out soon.

Answer 7

No, once you rather heal you concentration comfortably at present. you could tell if some thing makes you sense undesirable which you haven't any longer healed. I do healing artwork. I used to fall unwell if I observed a lacking toddler. I had a son who became lacking. Now as quickly as I see a lacking toddler i are not getting a unfavorable kind of cost out of it. i comprehend each little thing is in suitable divine top order. surely, i do no longer placed from now on thought into that kind of stuff. while you're having your harm flow to you like an previous pal it ability you haven't any longer healed it & that's coming up for closer. So carry out a little healing artwork to launch it thoroughly & create a life-time of exhilaration.

Answer 8

Mmmm. Why do i think this question is not genuine? You cannot put the words in the right order, but yet you spell 100% perfectly. Anyway, if it is genuine, its your own doing, you can't have your cake and eat it. I just feel sorry for the kids involved here.

Answer 9

she is very jealous of your other wife.. she wants all your attention on her.

try spending more time with her than with the second one. begging is no use. try showing her more care and love as often as you can. shower her with gifts from time to time..

i know you don't want to lose her, so tell her how much she means to you and your family. tell her that she is needed in the family. tell her you love her!!

i hope everything goes well.. i know you're going through really hard times..

Answer 10

well your wife number one did nothing to deserve such harsh and totally selfish treatment.....if number 2 has turned into a misery it is no more than you deserve. Sorry to be so brutal.....but every word you have written smacks of self love and little real consideration for any other