What do I do if my parents love me but they are bad role models?

Question

I am having sort of a crisis, was wondering if anyone could give their opinion. Right now I'm 19, male, and I am starting to think a lot about how I was raised and how my parents act towards each other and to me, etc. Well I find that my mom waits on me like a butler, she never disciplined me, and never gave me responsibility. My dad talks down to her. I don't want to disobey her and I know she loves me, but I think that she should expect me to do things I should be responsible for (she INSISTS that she do them even if I try to help).

Well I find that my dad is misogynistic and I am also misogynistic subconsciously, even though I think this is a bad trait that I wish I didn't have. I can't really tell whose fault this is: my mom's or my dad's. I don't think they are good role models for how a family should function.

So I think my parents love me, but I think that they do a lot of things wrong. I'm in college, live close to home, and visit a lot.

I find that I am WAY more selfish than I realized because of how my parents treated me and I was wondering what should I do to be less selfish? Should I look for role models? I feel like I have to learn everything the hard way due to the misconception I picked up from my parents.

Also, I am not willing to consider religion (unless it is a philosophical religion with no focus on an actual God).

Answer 1

that is how some people are...waiting on the husband. it's too bad your ma hasn t seen the light, and stood up for herself.she probably has a lack of self esteem, and doesn't see it/ or wanna change. have you spoken to her about it??

good for you for recog. that there is a prob and wanna change, unlike your dad. good for you. stay indepemdant from them, and don't turn out like him when you get married, and have kids, if you do.
buy your ma flowers from time to time to show u care.

Answer 2

I think you are old enough to know the difference between right and wrong and those decisions will be the ones that take you through life. Moms are moms and they like to do for us because they are nurturing and as for your Dad he sounds a little abusive to your Mom and I don't mean physical but mentally to some degree. You can be your own role model and know that you make good choices for your family someday. Remember that traits are learned not instilled! You will be fine. Good Luck!

Answer 3

good thing you put that god comment in there. cuz that is what most will preach to you. That comes in handy when the believers don't know what to say! Back to your question.. I have people I know like you and they know how to behave in a correct way, just think about it before you take an action, If you know a good roll model ask them questions, Just learn a lesson and be a better father and husband. Learn from their misstakes don't pass them down.

Answer 4

well...pls read the story..

once there was a fight between two kingdoms,,so many people died and so many injured...rest of the people thought about their fate....
a repoter come to the way to get the news..but he could not go to the kingdom..becs there was being another fight ..here the fighters are ants. they have lot of problems on food.water,shelter...so they fight eachother.......

your story is so simble...you are trying to make it a big issue....

just sit together (with your family) discuss the thing.then relax....

Answer 5

well at least they've raised you until you're smart enough to find out what the faults are. but are you smart enough to find out the solutions? there is nothing you can do pay back what your parents have done for you.

Answer 6

As you know the faults of your parents, it makes little difference to you.

Answer 7

it seems like you know what there faults are and what your faults are. also sounds as simple as just not doing them. parents are people too, they aren't always right and don't know everything.