Me and my husband got married for a year and a half now. We have financial problems since i'm still in school and he's the only one working but before my pregnancy and during my pregnancy, my husband usually tells me that he loves me and how much he does. Now, after the baby, he does not anymore or if he does, once every serveral months and it's just a short & quick love ya.
Also, after my pregnancy, I have strecth marks on my body and my tummy is not as flat anymore and there are times when he would mention to me, "If I can't be rich at least I have a sexy and beautiful wife, life would be worth it, or if i have many many wives...then it'll be worth it too." He has made me feel so unattractive,he even says i'm not. Well how do you deal with a marriage like that when you love him so much and is trying everything you can to make it work but he thinks you're just being a mean wife and over reacting when you try to talk to him? He even has phone numbers of other girls in his wallet!
2007-01-29 18:01:54 · 18 answers · asked by Joyfully 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yikes! You just had a baby and he is treating you in such a wretched way? If there are numbers in his wallet, this demonstrates that his intention is to cheat on you or probably already has! If you are willing to put up with this, you are a better woman than I am! I would assume you are still a young woman. You must remember that his failure at being a faithful and loving husband has nothing to do with you. This is about him and who he is as a person. You will want a better role model for your child! I promise, this man does NOT measure up! Do not throw away your young life on this loser whom you will not be able to get to love you anyway. His thing is to go from woman to woman. He will get tired of whomever he is with, and it will be "see ya"! Don't worry, there will be a man out there who will appreciate what a wonderful woman you are and will be glad to make you feel beautiful! Keep your chin up, there are better days ahead! Get through with school, and get outta there, girl! Will be praying for you and your precious little one!
2007-01-29 18:49:06 · answer #1 · answered by Marie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be patient, concentrate on your child and do finish the school, that's an imperative. Ignore him, but stay where you are for a while, to get on your feet. This could take maybe couple of years, because the baby should have at least 2-3 years so you can manage things right. Don't spend any emotion on your husband he is not worth it, he is selfish, self-centered and he does not know how to SHARE. Save the emotions for your child, the strength for the school, and when you'll find a job, you will be free.
Oh, another thing: The sexy look does not mean to be attractive. Your mind and your good character are the most valued characteristics of attraction. The sexy look is just like mayonnaise in a salad - you can do without it, it's tastier with it, but you can't eat only mayonnaise, you'll feel sick. This is another proof that your husband is empty inside. If he seeks for sexy appearance, that is ALL he will get in his life. (Like the poor Indians: give gold for some rubbish). However he will not act like spoiled child anymore when you'll leave him. Be aware of it, and don't let him inside anymore, since his selfishness is deeply incorporated in him. If that was not the case, after the childbirth he would be the most gentle husband than ever.
2007-01-29 19:25:36 · answer #2 · answered by Wintermute 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey, you need to find out what is going on. He owes you that. If he's being unfaithful you need to decide how you are going to handle that. If he's not, you need to set some boundaries for yourself and not allow him to be disrespectful. There are plenty of men that would love you and your baby, regardless of stretch marks. Demand to know what is going on in your marriage. Then, maybe you can decide to get some marriage counseling. Just don't keep putting up w/ being put on the back burner. You deserve a better life than that, and believe me there are some really GREAT men out there that would be happy to have a loving wife. Also, don't be afraid that because you have a baby you will not be able to find a great guy. I did and we've been happily married for 10 years and he loves my son like his own. You and your baby deserve the best. DO NOT ACCEPT ANYTHING LESS, PLEASE!!!
2007-01-29 18:24:00 · answer #3 · answered by melindagstl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Joyfully, go to your local library and check out a copy of Gary Chapman's "Five Love Languages." Get the male version and read it together. He may not be aware that the two of you have "love tanks" that get empty for whatever reason, and you both must refill each others. Physical touch (sex) is only one love language. The other four are equally if not more important than the sex. So, read it together. . . it's short and simple but very beneficial and can save a marriage.
2007-01-29 18:23:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a serious problem going on, and you are being led around by the nose, For some reason you have lost your appeal to him, this is not your fault, it is his, because he hasn't grown up, and is not willing to be a responsible husband and father, Best you look at this real close, and deal with it now
2007-01-29 18:21:30 · answer #5 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are the only one in love and the only one in this relationship period.
Ask him to seek marriage counseling because that is the only way if it works for you two that you may be able to find what bought you together again. If not then you may need to think about divorce. Because you certaintly don't want to waste your life with someone not only disrespecting you and not loving you but mentally abusing you, do you?
2007-01-29 18:35:55 · answer #6 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
men should experience pregnancy and giving birth. all this things change a womans body and it will never be the same. i cried when i saw those stretch marks after my first born. dont let him put you down. take care of yourself coz some women dont after they give birth. talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. open communication is the key. Let it out, say something about how you feel. Dont bottle it up inside you... it will make you miserable. believe me. i've been there. but whatever he thinks after you talk to him, it doesn't matter. what is important is you said your piece whether he agrees with you or not.
2007-02-02 16:06:15 · answer #7 · answered by Lola 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband has never said any of that to me. He calls me beautiful when I'm upset about my body. And for the looser part that didn't happen to me, my kegel excercises kept me tight. My midwife was actual surprised at my 6 week check up with my second baby that she couldn't fit the speculum in my area and had to get one quite a bit smaller
2016-03-15 02:11:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh you need to boil some grits for breakfast and show him who's the boss.. How dare he mentally abuse you when you gave him the most precious gift you can give... a child !!! If he has number's in his wallet and you feel the relationship is worth saving then go to counseling...He's very sloppy with his extra marital affairs who get's number's on paper anymore? You usually store them right in your cell phone.. He may be on the short bus..BEEP BEEP !
2007-01-29 18:11:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he's telling you that you are unattractive, remind him that you both agreed to a lifetime together and both need to concentrate on raising your child together. It takes time after a baby to get back the way you were before the birth. He sounds like an a$$hole!
2007-01-29 18:12:43 · answer #10 · answered by J D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋