Caught cheating...no lectures...what am I supposed to do?

Question

I am married and am having an affair, so now I've been caught - the wife confronted me and said she wanted to know the truth and she wasn't mad, just to tell her the truth, he was there, but not making any eye contact with me at all, so I have no idea what was said to her about the affair or if he just said that I was the one doing all the coming on or what! I got out of answering any questions for the moment, but come tomorrow it's all going down - please help me and I really don't need to know how wrong I am and all the negatives that will surely come.

Thanks

Just to clarify:
I am a female -
the wife I am referring to is the person I am having the affair with wife

I can not avoid conversation with the wife, I will not be able to avoid seeing this man ever again. I do not want to get into that part, did not want it to overtake my question.

Answer 1

Well, girl, whatever you do, don't lie. My girlfriend lied through her teeth for weeks before owning up to her affair (yes, her husband was totally neglecting her but that's no excuse for cheating and then lying about it). It was the lying though, not the cheating, that destroyed her marriage. So own up to it.

Take the blame for YOUR part in it. No need to confess the sins of others. Also, tell the woman how stupid you were, and that even though you love that man, you know you were wrong and it won't happen again. No need to make a big speech. Sincerely apologize and leave.

On your way out, maybe you might suggest a marriage counselor for them to prevent this from happening again in the future. And then get your fanny to one, too! Telling your own husband is going to be harder than telling this woman, but it has to be done.

Whatever you do, don't lie. And listen... I'm really sorry. Sometimes things get carried away before you know what hit you. Remember: The grass is always greenest where you water it. Work on your marriage. And good luck.

Answer 2

First, don't lie to the wife whenever this "thing" goes down. You know you're caught. Be humble.

Second, give your husband the respect of telling him first. Do NOT let anyone else tell him. Easy way out isn't the way to go for you.

Be sure to decide whether or not you want to continue on in your marriage before you tell your husband about the affair. There's a good chance he'll leave you. If he doesn't leave you, then you have a decision to make. If you are not truly prepared to earn his trust back, on his watch, not yours.....then end the marriage along with the announcement of the affair. Again, be humble.

Answer 3

Why do you have to answer his wife's questions?
Surely, you can avoid that situation,right?
What will happen if you don't talk to her and answer her questions?
If I were you, I would just avoid the situation.
I just can't see any good coming out of that conversation.

What difference does it make if he told her that you were "the one doing all the coming on?"
Will that make her feel better about the situation?
Are you planning on telling this girl how your relationship developed? Surely not!

If there is no possible way to avoid this woman, I would just cry and say "I'm sorry" to each and every question.

I have absolutely no experience with your situation so I can't say for sure if my direction is the best.

I don't care what anyone says, it is only the husband and wife's responsibility to each other to be faithful. You don't owe that woman anything. HE DOES! The only questions you should answer are the questions your husband will have whenever he finds out. Your responsibility was to your husband not your boyfriends wife.

Answer 4

you are busted..take what you have coming. I have been there and done that! I have also cheated years ago and was in same place you was in. I never lied about it and only spoke the truth. I wasnt happy at home and gave all the reasons why to my husband and why those reasons drove me into a **new fling**. it's been almost 11 years ago and my husband and I are in love more then ever before because i was honest with him.The man I had the affair with is my husbands uncle, so no there is no way to avoid him either. i was honest with not only my husband, his aunt and uncle....but my self also. So the point is ALWAYS be honest and things will work out fine! My husband and I have been married 17 years. ( after the affair we renewed our vows and this time we BOTH cherrish them)

Answer 5

Well now that the affair is out you might as well just come clean with everything! At least you can be honest now and hopefully save some of the respect your wife has left for you. It will make you feel a whole lot better too.

Answer 6

if youre sorry, let your husband know. if youre not, the relationship should be ended.

it will take a long time and a lot of work to get somewhere, but with seeing a marriage counselor, its possible.
same thing happened to my parents and my dad still uses her affair as an excuse to get drugged up and drunk. thats not ok. they are working on it, but its been over 3 years.
some things some people never get over.

good luck... i hope all is going to be resolved for you and your spouse and the man youre having an affair with and his wife.

Answer 7

OK, why are you even going to talk to her? If I was that woman, I would kill you or at least severely maim you. But if you are determined to go through with this:

1. Be honest.
2. Expect her to be reallllllllly pissed.
3. Never speak to or have any contact with the man again.
4. Apologize.
5. Go to counseling.
6. Get tested for disease.
7. Tell your spouse.
8. Prepare to get divorced or be in marital counseling for a loooong time.
9. Wait for the karma to bite you in the @ss.

Answer 8

Like everyone else said, be honest.

Next, I think people only cheat until they've found the right person. I don't justify cheating, but I think that's how some people handle it when they don't have the relationship going how they want.

Otherwise, I'd say it really shows your relationship needs some help. If she decides to work with you on it, you really need to put your all into it. Don't slack off, don't argue with her. You were caught. You can't fight with her now on this. You need to figure out why you cheated. What's missing from your current relationship that you want? Was is purely sexual that you wanted?

Otherwise, if she doesn't want you now, I'd say get yourself a divorce lawyer.

Answer 9

hey dont get mad get even well wrong advice. i was in the same situation and my husband was real dumb about it i threatend to leave him and then he knew he did wrong. but you know what i made him so jealous by making myself extra sexy when i went out with the girls and boy was he jealous. 2 wrongs dont make a right if you really love someone and if they can forgive you then maybe it will work but first you need to forgive yourself. by the way i'm still with my cheating man. i did leave him too and i left the state just so i wouldnt have to see him but guess what he followed and we just try to put that time out of our life. besides nobody is perfect.!

Answer 10

Admit to the fact that you two had an affair, tell her if you love him or not, and if the affair is over. Any other details she can get from him.