I'm about to Divorce, but I really don't know why?

Question

OK look, I've been married for almost 10 years and the whole time its felt like its been me thats been doing all the giving. Frankly, my wife hasn't been the easiest person to get along with during these 10 long years. Recently, she has been trying to change, but it might be too little too late. I feel like I'm running on empty most of the time. Also, I think i just want to meet new people. I have no friends for gods sake since I've been with this woman. I just need some advice. Thanks

P.S I took my marriage vows seriously enough to make it last 10 years so I don't wan't to hear any of that stuff about not taking vows seriously. I mean 10 years is a lot longer than most marriages last these days.

Also, we both never cheated.

Answer 1

Sounds like you are a nice guy, and your wife took advantage of you. She may really be sorry for the way she has acted and probably didn't know how she really was. I would say go to counseling and give her chance. If you go ahead a get a divorce she will really see what jerks, losers and cheaters there are out there and then she will really, really be sorry she did not appreciate you. I know I have a wonderful husband and I try to be good to him and take care of his needs and not nag. Maybe she can be like that too. Good luck!

Answer 2

Not sure what your question is here...seems you want some advice on what to do...I am thinking 10 years is a long time, but the question I want to know is what are/were you doing about making this relationship work? You say that you have always felt like you were the giver and she was the taker....have you talked to her about it? have you sought advice from a professional, or even friends and/or family?

I have been in your situation and spent 18 years, 10 of those years trying to work out out the problems in our relationship. 10 years is worth trying to save. I am not knowing if your wife is wanting to work things out or even if you have let her know that you are considering divorce....

I certainly hope that the two of you can work through this troubled time....I learned many years anything worth having is worth working for and a 10 year marriage is definitely worth working for.
It might be a good idea for the two of you to get a little space, to try and figure out what is important to both of you...sometimes it makes the heart grow fonder and it is true we never truly appreciate what we have until we don't have it anymore, but remember a separation could be go either way, good or bad, so make smart choices...and believe me after being in a relationship for as long as you have...being single is going to be a shock to your system...It certainly was for me. Good luck man.

Answer 3

Did i write this and not know it? It is my situation exactly. I live with a poer tripping control freak that I really don't have anything to say to or do with because of the years of being on the defense about when I can take a whiz. I too took vows seriously and have 3 kids to worry about whether they will be influenced by her "buy them any and everything to make them happy" attitude. All of my friends from the past I have lost touch with, the only people I consider friends are the soccer team parents who are idiots. Rarely go out with the guys, don't drink much anymore, don't gamble.
Too little too late is exactly what I told my sister about this f-ed up marraige. Too much resentment, too much arguing over petty crap, too little effort in me to go to another counsellor. Don't know when it changed, but it did somewhere along the line when we weren't paying attention...3 kids will do that to a relationship.

Only advice I have is there are men just like you out there like you and I wish you the best. I'm sure it will suck for a while but move on and enjoy your life and your new freedoms. Damn, I'm envious of you.

Answer 4

I've been divorced once and re-married and trying to find reasons to stay married. I can honestly say that you need to level things out. Taking one day a week to go out with co-workers or friends and not your wife will help. Join some stupid league but don't just live for your wife. You need you time and you need to know who you are. I think that this is one of those times that you need to balance out your life so you can be happy. I've done this a few times and it really helps and I've also found that the happier I get, I out grow needing to go out so I do it less and less.

Answer 5

Will you both be better divorced? Give her a more time to change if she has already made an effort. Start meeting new people. Friends are important & if you would have had them they would have helped you understand your situation in another light from the perspective of someone who knows both of you.

Answer 6

How about one more try. But this time, just you and just her. Go away to romantic B&B. Just the two of you and walk on the beach barefoot, and just talk about the way things have gone. If it does seem like things are going to end, then end it on a good note. Then you both can start new lives over either with or without one another.

Answer 7

You don't say if you have had any professional help to improve your communications. If you are not sure about divorce maybe you both owe it to yourselves to go and seek help. If you feel the same after that well at least you know you gave it your best short to make the marriage work.

Answer 8

i think the reason is that you are unhappy in this marriage and after 10 years, you had enough. if you have done all you can do
to make it work then stop beating yourself up about it and move
on. sometime things happen that you can explain. so just let it
be and know that there is a silver lining down the road. good
luck to you.

Answer 9

every relationship will eventually seem to lose it's flame. Nobody will ever forever completely satisfy you (except for God, but I won't go there). I'm sorry to say, but you are being extremely selfish if you're ready to give up a marriage just because your "bored" or whatever you would call it... and so much more so if you have kids.

Answer 10

10 years is not a lifetime. Dont compare 10 years to society's average. Society is jacked up anyway, for example, society is also trying marry people of the same sex.

Go to couples counseling. Pray and ask for wisdom, and for God to change her, and you to like her again.