Why do some women stay in an abusive relationship?

Answer 1

Some women stay in abusive relationships because there is a reward in it for them, somewhere, that makes them want to stay, or at least to weigh their "odds" of staying or leaving. It may be she feels she can help the abuser in some way, or it could be she feels like she deserves to be punished for some reason (low self esteem) or even that the abuse is not a reflection of who he is and he will change.

Abusers can be tricky and conniving, abusing the body along with the *mind*. A strong and healthy woman could potentially fall for "prince charming" only to have him belittle her in ways over time (how long depends on the woman) that make her submit to or rationalize the abuse.

Sometimes, remaining in an abusive relationship can be a cry for help and attention to someone she wants to help her (dad? brother? even an ex?) and show her that they care enough about her to defend her. Some women though will put that person in a very dangerous situation, so they must tread carefully, and seek legal help if unsafe.

Answer 2

Codependence.

Their current abusive relationsip mirrors an abusive or hurtful relationship they had as a child -- that pain in early childhood creates an intense desire (compulsion) to seek a relationship in which they can heal the wounds suffered in childhood.

Best book I've read on the subject, "Love is a Choice".

Answer 3

Low self esteem

So many in today's society are so afraid of being alone that they rather put up with a man's nonsense then to be alone. Its a sad thing to have to sit back and watch. Some women unfortunately feel like they rather have an abusive man then no man at all. So sad and I pray that women get it together. No one at any time should have to put up with being abused.

Answer 4

A lot of women in abusive relationships grew up in homes just like the one they end up in-it's the only way of life they've known, so that's "normal" family life to them. Often families like these are isolated from other people since their behavior is NOT normal and people don't want to be around them!

These women don't want to be beaten up or told they're stupid, that'd be nuts. But if that's all you saw happening to your mom and that's what your dad did to you, you don't see much of a choice. You're told you deserve being treated horribly so many times, you believe it.

It takes a ton of retraining (painful retraining) to find out you're not a worthless stupid sub-human but actually are a person deserving of respect, love and dignity. Not many people can face the pain of realizing that the people who were suppose to love and protect you were the ones who hurt you and acted like they hated you. Most people would rather believe they deserved to be treated horribly, than admit their families are badly damaged, and so are they.

Answer 5

Hey John.

Water seeks it's own level. When a woman choses to be with a man who does not treat her with respect and even abuses her, it has to do with what she believes she is entitled to have. Ever notice the women in those relationships lack self esteem. It is not that someone "beat" it out of them, it's because they never had it in the first place. Which is EXACTLY why they stay.

These women have a lower sense of entitlement.

Thanks for Listening.

Meg from [e-mail]
Tucson, AZ.

Answer 6

If the woman "loves" the man, it starts out with him isolating her, put downs, other mental/emotional abuse, that can lead to physical abuse. By then, the woman is usually believing what he has said to her all that time, the put downs, etc. Plus, some guys try to control the woman and her activities, shopping, etc. (how much time it takes, etc.) So it makes it harder to want to leave. Stats show most women it can take up to leaving the guy seven times before it sticks.

Answer 7

I think it's because they have never had a good father figure to relate to and so thinks that it is ok to be abused (mentally and/or physically) by men that they love. Most of these women have low self-esteem and have no confidence that they can make it on their own. Untimately it is love that makes them endure all their sufferings. Guess, love is blind after all ;)

Answer 8

my answer is yes, i found more and more women stuck in their abusive relationship, even myself!! haha.. but mostly are the mentally abusive not the phisically abusive (is it better or the same??)
in my experience (im talking about the mentally abusive, not the phisically), we found something in him that the other guys dont have, for example the happiness. i dunno why, in my survey (i asked my friends who have the same problem with me), their guy can make you happier than ever, the happy that we never find in other boyfriends, something that u can't describe.
or the maturity of his thinking about something, it makes us proud and realize that "wow" to him. or .. maybe the sex is good.
or.. yeah the threat, maybe he threaten the girl..

the other reason that i have is someone like me who can't say goodbye first, i'm a weak person to say that word. or you can say yeah.. im a weak person if i fall in love. if i love someone, i love that someone deeply. i'll try to do anything to make it through and not fail. even if i fall in love with the wrong guy (like NOW)

so far i haven't had the phisically abusive, wish never happen to me...

Answer 9

1) Because they started out loving the person & their brain can't process that someone they love could really be abusive . Abuse and love are contradictory experiences.
2) They think they can cure the mean streak with love
3) They are embarrased to tell anyone, that they love someone who turned out to be a jerk.

Answer 10

Usually because they're too afraid to get out of it. The abusive male threatens their life and the lives of the kids. Many men go so crazy that they find the woman who has left and kill her.

When I was 5, I was sleeping with my grandma and a noise
woke me up, There was my drunken father with a hunting
knife coming down to kill me and her. She grabbed me and rolled out of bed. She grabbed a board and began beating him until he left. This was 70 years ago and I still remember it vividly. See what it does to the kids.