I feel ugly all the time?

Question

I'm an adult woman, happily married with two kids and I feel ugly all the time. It has made me become unsociable because I'm always thinking I'm getting judged on my looks? Is this normal? Please help, I want to get a social life back. My husband says I just need to "stop" feeling this way. What can I do?

Answer 1

Hey girl. Leave it to a man to make you feel irrational. It is not as simple for us as it is for men. We are emotional and they are logical, so don't get mad at your man even though you may feel like he is being insensative. He is just hard wired to think logically.

Most women have negative feelings about their looks. However, when it affects your daily life, you need to find some intervention for yourself. I think the name for it is "Image Dismorphia"... Similar to how anorexics see themselves as fat, you see yourself as unpleasing to the eye (which I am certain is probably SUPER far from the truth (as you hubby certainly IS being honest when he reminds you how pretty you are.

Insurance or not, seek out some help. I would check out links created by the popular magazine "Psychology Today" (probably under PsychologyToday.com). They are a highly recognized magazine that also helps Therapists, MD's, Psychiactrists and Psychologists in ALL fields create profiles for people like us. You can search out someone who can help you in your area, see their pictures and decide who you may be most comfortable with.

If you have anxiety that is causing you to relent from going out and about, then you may prefer to see a Psychiatrist as they are educated in the mind and in the medical field. They can evaluate you for Pharmicological assistance as well and unlike a plain Doctor, they will monitor how you are feeling closely, and unlike a Psychologist, they have the power to perscribe drugs.

You may want to read up on drugs called SSRI's like Zoloft, Lexapro and maybe even Effexor. All of which treat symptoms of depression associated with your symptoms. I am sure you will find reasurance very soon if you take a chance on a professional. Your hubby may not understand (since he is logical) and all, but just let him know that this is something YOU need to do for YOU and it will ultimately help the entire family as well. I am certain he will offer you support - even if he looks at you like you grew a third eye when you tell him................ Just remember these 3 things...

1.) MANY women suffer with this (you aren't crazy)
2.) Medications and Therapy DO WORK
3.) This is NOT something you need to suffer with and you deserve to feel good about how you look...............

If you need more info, or if you want me to help you find someone, I am happy to help. I have been in your shoes.

Sincerly,

Meg Etheridge
[e-mail]
Tucson, AZ

Good Luck to you my friend.

Answer 2

If you were happily married with two kids, the looks issue would not be that serious. I would assume you would see this condition as a normal ageing process. You would be happy knowing you were loved and that your hudband saw you for the beauty you once had and for your evolution to being a mature woman. You must have some self esteem problems that you have carried with you since you were young. Vanity is not a good trait. There is nothing wrong with looking good for yourself and husband, but if the issue is about the general public looking at you and seeing a beast in a dress well then that is a problem that will not get better. Do what you can to keep your husband interested. The social life concern sounds like you are seeking much more than just looking good. Desperate housewives and sex in the city are TV shows. Shut off the tube!

Answer 3

Everyone, ugly or not, is self consious in some way and afraid of being judged. Some people are just better at not showing it. Just because someone is social doesn't mean they aren't constantly worried about what everyone else is thinking about them. Again, they may just be better at not showing it. At the same time don't be judgemental in any way of others, for judging others will lead to a fear that others are judging you.
I believe beauty is temporary and ultimately meaningless, people that depend on beauty are shallow at the heart. It's character that matters. Especially if you believe in an afterlife, because your character will allways (even after death) define who you really are.

Answer 4

Get an outside opinion outside of your family.
If you have a good Doctor then have a heart to heart talk and he will recommend the steps you should take as the problem that you describe could be part physical or part mental but don't ask people who do not understand the feelings your are having.

You have a good idea that your problem will not go away by not thinking about it.

You should also check with whatever religion you are and talk with pastor or priest..whatever..and confide in them your concerns. God works in mysterious ways. Have faith and he will not let you down.
God does not give you a problem that He does not think you can handle. Sometimes we have to take the bull by the horns and put our pride aside and get help. You are not alone in your feelings...you are to be congratulated on facing your worst fears and not letting them destroy you or your families happiness.
Good luck I hope you find an answer to your problems

Answer 5

Have you always felt like this or is it just since you've been married and had kids? What is missing in your life? Does your husband make you feel beautiful? Instead of telling you to just "stop" maybe he should be doing and saying things to make you feel beautiful.

If you are out just think about this - everyone else is so worried about how THEY are looking that they don't even notice you. And if they are looking at you then it must be your stunning beauty that is making them stare!

I'm sure your children love you for who you are not what you look like - and aren't they the most important people in the world to you?

Most of all - ugly is not about looks, it's about what kind of person you are - that's all that matters.

Answer 6

99% of the people on the planet are common looking and are too busy working to stand around judging you.
The other 1% are in Hollywood and too busy making movies to stand around judging you.
Actually you probably look normal but somehow got obsessed with some magazine model.
Wake up, you are married to a good man with kids and are supposed to be living life , not wasting it tripping about some bogus commercial image . . .
And thinking that everyone else is stopping their life to judge you is really out of whack.
Come back to the real world, your family loves & misses you. Your husband is right.

Answer 7

That feeling is normal, but only to an extent. Very few people are so secure in themselves that they never feel unhappy, undesirable, or unattractive. I certainly feel that way too often. And it can be a very difficult task to find self-esteem. However, here are some things you could think about carefully:

What features about yourself do you think make you less attractive?
For each of those features, do you know of anyone that you consider attractive who has that same feature?
What actually MAKES a person physically 'attractive' anyway?
Who is your closest companion, and what do you think makes that person enjoy your company?

There may never be that secret key to ceasing low self-esteem, and you may always feel you are being judged, but try to focus your energy on what is most important to you (your friends, your family, your greatest qualities) when you get in a public situation in which you feel uncomfortable. This may not help you, but it helped me. It got me to quit worrying as much about my appearances.

Answer 8

What if you looked like the elephant man? What then? Stop thinking about this nonsense. You cant be THAT ugly or your husband would dump you. I think you are beautiful because you care about how you look. But dont take this care to the extreme or you will be miserable. You want to be miserable? No! then stop it like your husband says. Stop it now!!!!

Answer 9

Read Cybernetics by Dr. Maxwell. He was a plastic surgeon who realized that some of his patients just felt ugly, even after he operated on them and changed their looks. He also figured out how people can stop it themselves in about three weeks through "positive affirmations" -- stopping each negative thought and replacing it with a positive one, and saying positive thoughts every morning and every night. You should definitely try it for three weeks. It will help cure you.

Answer 10

Go buy clothes that you like.
Spend a "day at the mall" with a close friend, or yourself. Get a manicure and pedicure. Buy make-up and stuff. Padded bras if that's your thing. A pretty dress.
Dance to music you like often. Take a musical insturement.
Music makes everyone beautiful.