Keeping Secrets????

Question

What's anyones opinion on keeping a secret from their spouse or significant other? Are some things worth keeping to yourself or should you share all? What are the deal breakers when it comes to secrets?

Answer 1

I am definantly guilty of keeping secrets from my husband in the PAST. There should be NO secrets!! That's my opinion now. If you keep a small secret it will just get worse! How can your spouse help you with something or really know you if you're keeping secrets. I know with my husband, I no longer keep ANYTHING from him and it has helped us tremendously. We're so much closer! Be open! They are supposed to be your mate for the rest of your life! They should know everything about you. (even if it hurts)

Answer 2

To have a successful marriage, you have to be willing to share ALL, the good and the bad, and if one does something wrong, they have to admit to it--no matter what---otherwise, what kind of role model would you be for your children? Deceit = secret, and there is no way of getting around it.

The only secret permitted is one that would cause pain for your spouse and is unjustifiable. Meaning, no good would come from telling them about the incident---and that ONLY applies to an incident that does not involve you; like you saw her best friend with another man in a restaurant cheating on her husband-- there would be no good reason to tell your wife other than to gossip and it would put her in a position that would cause stress and grief to her----that would not be lying or keeping a secret---it would be ignoring something you saw but do not know what really was going on. Anything else in the form of a secret would be as you call it, a "deal breaker".

Answer 3

Everyone has secrets...and its healthy. You should keep some things to yourself, most people don't want to know the detailed past of their lover's life which don't include them. If the secret is a mistake that you made and is not an issue anymore than don't tell your partner to ease your guilt. If this is a deep dark secret that is active in the relationship, list your pro and cons. Everyone situation is different, do what's best for you.

This is very hard to answer since i don't know what the secret is.

Answer 4

I think that anything you do while you are committed, your spouse has a right to know. So don't do anything you wouldn't do with that person standing right there. Also anything you did in your past that will come back to haunt you your spouse has a right to know. If you had a few crazy nights 5 years ago you'd rather keep to yourself then do so. Deal breakers with secrets are financial, and sexual I think.

Answer 5

the secret to a protecting a secret's by technique of pretending that is a sport the position you win by technique of protecting it from everybody. That appropriate with a foul memory and also you'll do completely advantageous. If that would not help then you surely ought to attempt to benefit some thing correct after being advised the secret, over correct it with some thing else and say that little actuality you discovered instead of the secret. wish this helped. D.

Answer 6

We've been happily married for almost 37 years, and you know what, as well as we know each other, it's not necessary to disclose every little detail about your life to your partner.

Unless we're talking about some really heinous, dark secret that will somehow affect the relationship, the past is the past. Put it behind you and move forward with your relationship.

Married couples SHOULD have a lot of common interests; things they enjoy doing TOGETHER, but that doesn't mean that every person isn't deserving of a little privacy and space. You don't read each other's mail, do you? I hope not. You don't require each other to confess your erotic dreams or fantasies, do you?

I mean "sharing" is one thing, and putting psychological pressure on someone is quite another.

"Deal breakers?"

Let me put it this way, if your partner is treating you the way you want to be treated; attending to your needs, would it really matter what kinds of skeletons were in his/her closet?

If so, why?

Answer 7

You've probably got secrets—private, hidden things you do or think when you're alone, or perhaps something that happened a long time ago that you prefer to keep to yourself. But when it comes to the intimacy of your marriage, it's hard to judge whether you need to "tell all" to your mate.

Is it ever okay to keep a secret from your spouse?

For some the answer is an emphatic "no!" They feel that husbands and wives should have no secrets, period. But others wonder, "Why should I share something with my mate that may harm or even destroy our relationship?" They tell themselves that "a secret kept can be better than the consequences of a secret known."

If you've got a secret, the "why" question is, "Why are you keeping this knowledge from your spouse?" Do you honestly believe what you're doing is best for both of you? Or are you just scared of what might happen if the secret comes out?

Then follow the "why" question with a "how" question: "How is your marriage enhanced and intimacy promoted by keeping this secret?" By keeping the secret are you sincerely seeking the highest and best good of God's great gift of marriage?

It's pretty tough for a secret to survive these two questions. Most of us will find we're keeping the secret because we fear being rejected by the ones we love. We all have a need for relationships in which we are accepted without judgment, relationships in which we matter to someone. In marriage, it's normal to long for acceptance and love—and fear being condemned and left behind.

But if you never risk the truth, you'll never know what level of intimacy you may have shared. As you keep a secret, you are, in effect, lying. Whether it is a secret of "co-mission" (not truthfully answering a direct question) or a secret of "omission" (not offering information that was not asked for), it's still a lie, and it can take huge amounts of energy to keep a secret hidden. That energy would be put to better use in promoting your closeness as a couple.

So, bottom line, what specifically needs to be told? A husband and wife have a right to know much of what occurred in the life of their mate prior to their meeting—and that includes the extent of each other's earlier sexual experiences. There should be no attempt to wrangle out of admissions on "technicalities." If you were not a virgin, you should say so. However, we do not need and should not ask to know names and details of those experiences. Those types of amplifications lead to comparisons and mental images that can be harmful to your marriage.

As for what has gone on and is going on during your married life, there are very few things that should be kept secret. All those secrets that I listed as examples were unhealthy for those couples in counseling. They were lies that did not promote trust and intimacy—secrets that didn't allow the couples to enjoy marriage as God designed it to be.

If you're going to love and cherish each other, you'll have to commit yourself not to do anything that would need to be kept secret. You've got a choice—not to lie, flirt, play around or anything else that would hurt your spouse.

At the same time, you can build an atmosphere of trust. When you know your spouse loves you and won't reject you, you won't be afraid to confide things that happen outside your control, such as a disease, childhood abuse, certain financial situations or even being the object of a pass from another person. The best safety net you've got is to let your spouse know when something like that happens.

If you've been feeling that there are certain secrets you need to share with your spouse, probably you should do just that. However, don't just rush out and unload the dump truck. Give it prayer and consideration. Maybe your marriage doesn't yet have an atmosphere of true acceptance and love without judgment that would weather the blow of your revelation. But having that type of marriage should be your goal and your prayer—and you won't completely reach it while you're keeping important secrets from your mate.

Secrets. They may have their place, but that place is rarely a healthy marriage. Even though it may feel risky to open up with the one you love, the rewards of deepened intimacy far exceed the risk and struggle it takes to get there. With a prayer for wisdom and a goal of integrity, you and your spouse may enjoy the security that comes from living a life without the burden of secrets.

I HOPE THIS HELPS YOU! Good luck!

Answer 8

I have been married for 8 yrs and have no secrets from my husband. On our wedding night as we where driving to our honey moon spot when decided to tell each other everything right then and there and know we don't keep any thing form each other . Everything in a relationship is based on trust and if you don't have that then what do you have?

Answer 9

Well you shouldn't be keeping secrets from your spouse or anyone else,unless it's private and personal. If you feel someone needs to know then tell them.

Answer 10

I think that everyone is entitled to their own secrets, but when that secret could effect the relationship or it causes you to lie to your significant other (excluding surprises for him/her etc) then it's not worth keeping