dealing with a difficult person...?

Question

hey everyone.I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that answered my questions so far! you really have been helpful! anyways I currently am dealing with someon difficult right now. she has been my best friend for about 4 years now and she has just changed so much. She got messed up with the wrong people and now she's into alchohol and she tried bringing me down that road. and I did it for a little bit, but now I want to get out. Its just not me. I tried helping her and teeling her its just making everything worse. but she called me a ***** and said i was stupid. She claims that im her best friend yet I feel so used by her! im trying to be distant by her but im afraid if I do anything to make her mad. she iwll black mail me! and tell everything that I wanted to stay private, private. what should I do?

Answer 1

omigosh! you went and told really private stuff to someone that you can't trust?!?

kiss it good-bye. she is going to spill the private stuff one of these days, either over this or her next attempt to manipulate and control you.

NEVER EVER TELL ANYONE ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT SPREAD AROUND BECAUSE 99.9% OF THE PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET CANNOT KEEP A SECRET!!!!

just face it, the private stuff is coming out.... if not today, next week or next month... the question is, how much mileage are you willing to let her get out of it before she does spill the beans?

Answer 2

I'm sorry this has happened to you. It is very difficult when friends change, especially if they start to self-destruct and consider it a betrayal when you won't destroy yourself with them. She is either hurting in some way and turning to alcohol or it started as fun and she can't stop because she has an addictive personality.

To curse at you and call you stupid because you won't go down the same dead end road that she seems determined to travel shows that she is not your friend any more. That would be harmful to you and friends don't want the people they care about to be harmed.

As far as her revealing anything private that you've told her, she would most likely do that when she's drunk. Who believes a drunk? Not anyone with an ounce of intelligence.

I wouldn't worry about it. If anyone asks you about something this "friend" has blabbed, just laugh and ask them why in the world would they believe anything a drunk has to say about anything.

Besides, I imagine you don't lack for secret information about her that you could spread all over, too. I would take the high road and not reveal any secrets about her but I wouldn't hesitate to threaten her with that if you knew, for sure, that she was telling any of your secrets.

Good luck with this problem. It's a sad situation.

Answer 3

First of all, tell her pretty much the same things you said here. You can't go the same route she is headed, you really value her friendship, and you hope that your confidences will still stay between you. If she ever finds she still needs her friend, you will be there for her. There is nothing you can do for her and until she sees she is headed down the wrong path, don't even try. If you interject too much in her affairs, she will resent you. As long as she knows her friend won't judge her, you will be the one she will want to keep in her life - whenever she decides she's going the wrong direction. Good luck - everybody needs a friend like you.

Answer 4

Okay, first of all this girl does not sound like a good friend to me. If she was a good friend she wouldn't cuss you or possibly black mail you. If you aren't interested in drinking or doing some of the things she's been doing then she should respect that. In high school I had friends that I thought were best friends but then after high school and after I got older and was able to reflect back, I realized that I only tolerated some of them because I wanted them to like me...but they were really not good friends. I think that you should be nice to her so that you don't have to worry about her telling the things you wanted to keep private, private...but that doesn't mean you have to do anything with her. You could just always have plans or something. I wouldn't go out of my way to be nice to her though. And if she's a jerk enough to tell your private matters...she'll do it regardless anyhow. I wouldn't worry about her. I'm sorry that you're in this situation. Good luck with that.

Answer 5

Look, you need to stop being friends with this girl. She is using you and by the sound of it she is becoming an alcoholic. she keeps dragging you farther and farther into this alcohol stuff because she cant stop. if you keep participating its only going to get worse for you. if she tells things about you you cant help that. things that you don't want people to know may become public but i can tell you something. people aren't going to think of you as badly about those things than staying with her and getting even more tangled up into that mess. shes into alcohol and what next? it sounds like she is eventually going to get into drugs and that whole mess. you don't need to be screwing up your life just because you're afraid of what she is going to do or say.

Answer 6

At this point, the only thing you can do to help, is to put her in Gods hands. You must give her totally and every time that you start thinking of ways to help her, say a prayer and remember she is in Gods hands. You are fortunate enough to learn at an early age that there are those who you must let go and wipe your feet of. You are not going to be able to help her. In reality, she may have to lose everything and go as low as a person can go; only God can help. Just keep praying for her and let her carry her shame and guilt as hard as it is.

Answer 7

she needs your help, but you probably cannot help her alone. get involved and seek outside help such as family or other good friends, or even professional help. Don't be distant because she will need you now more than ever. If she lashes out at you, remember that persistance is the best way to show dedication. let her insults roll off your shoulder and keep talking to her.

Answer 8

Why are you even hanging around this girl? Leave the friendship alone if that's how she feels she needs to act with things.
People like that aren't friends. They're people that like to start trouble & they're not independent.
Stay away from this girl. As long as you're not near her, blackmailing you should be hard for her to do.
Good luck!

Answer 9

Just start doing your own things, get involved with friends that will bring you up, not down. Distance yourself from this young lady by slowly staying away from her more and more each day. She will eventually forget about you.

Answer 10

She doesn't deserve your friendship and who would believe someone like that anyways. You don't need this emotional roller coaster.