Okay my hubbie is deployed and the love of my life. The other week his mama told him a lie about me that i told something she said in confidence. So my husband ask me I said no. He didn't give me a chance to say anything. He just said wacth what i say! Now his uncle pass away and the miltary want send him home. He said he is tired of negative things in his life. His mama and her issues and me asking lots of questions. I only ask out of concern cause he is fed up! He is tired of being broke and said by me asking questions about how he feels that is annoying! That hurts it seems like i am taking the blame for everything. I am a housewife for now. We just moved so i am looking for work. I take care of the house and kids while he's away. I calls him family and check on them. I been a good faithful wife? Then he think he is always right and don't listen to my feelings and say it is not all about me! I just feel is mama started this because we been doing fine!
2007-01-29 14:46:48 · 11 answers · asked by God's chosen 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I take it he is over in Iraq ?? If so, you have to think how he is feeling at this time.... away from all he knows and loves.... He has ppl telling him things about life here at home, things he can do nothing about, and it makes him feel hopeless, add to all that, the fear of day to day survival issues, will he even be alive to come home and take care of things, or will he even WANT to take care of things after all that he has and is going thru..... STOP saying anything to MOM-N-LAW, only ask after her health and such, and then say GOODBYE.... keep in touch, but keep it all short and sweet...... when talking to hubby, same thing, ask how he is, say I love you, I miss you, the kids miss you and love you, all is well here, and then just LISTEN to him..... say NOTHING against anyone, or it things are not so good, make them seem at least OK..... do NOT lay a lot of stuff on him he can do nothing about....... HIS job is to serve and to take care of HIM and his comrades...... pray for him all the time and all the others over there too.... and leave the rest to God...... God bless
2007-01-29 14:58:21 · answer #1 · answered by Annie 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, as a mental health practitioner with 20+ years experience, now retired, I can tell you that as I read your question, I get a one-sided report, and so, no matter how accurate you report that it is, it's only a one sided report. If you were in my office for counseling, I'd take your report, type it up, and delay any meaningful diagnosis until I saw you for some follow-up sessions or I saw your mother-in-law and heard her side of the story. Regardless of her report, I'd diagnose it as one of the "V-code" diagnoses, which says, in one particular way there is a problem, but would NOT say who's right or wrong. I get these diagnoses from the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of Mental Disorders. Upon quick review, I would diagnose what you've reported as V62.89 - Phase of Life Problem: "This category can be used when the focus of clinical attention is a problem associated with a particular developemental phase or some other life circumstance that is not due to a mental disorder." It's what I call a "no fault" diagnosis which says there is a problem according to someone's report, but the full details of the problem are unavailable at this time. Counseling would begin on what you could do, including being patient, until more reliable communication can be established between your husband and you. Couple or family counseling would be recommended. Hang tight. Your husband, like my son, will be home from the war at some point in time, and things can be clarified then. Until then, stay calm. Things will work out okay. God Bless you.
2007-01-29 15:06:00 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, you are both under alot of stress, which brings out the negatives in people. He may or may not have been like this before, but some guys view women as inferior. Your best bet is to find counselling to see whether you should stay and/or what you can do to improve the situation. Whether or not he goes.
2007-01-29 14:53:02 · answer #3 · answered by mfg 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to work on your self esteem, you need more attitude. he's being selfish and unappretiative, and your mother in law keeps meddling in your marriage. you need to step to both of them and demand some respect. you work harder by staying at home and tending to the house and raising the kids. your husband needs to straighten up and support you as much as you try to support him in everything he does. it's a 50 50 thing, this is too much to have to put up with when u love someone so much and all they do is cast u out when u are making every effort to make things as best as possible. and you are concerned about him and he tells u to leave him alone? oh hell no, it's time u set your boundaries. u need to take care of you too, your children need a healthy momma emotionally and physically.
2007-01-29 15:15:23 · answer #4 · answered by gracy808 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
whatever you do try to keep mom out of your business.what happens - between you and husband is between you two.sounds like your husband maybe under some stress is reason he, jumping too conclusion be patient with him, as long as he is away he misses you and the kids, the last thing he needs is drama.sometimes negative things happen in our life but you continue to pray and ask god to help you over come these bad things and he will help you.
2007-01-29 15:01:45 · answer #5 · answered by annjilena 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should not call to often--
i don't know if you have been a good faithful wife--
your husband needs to make a choice -his wife and kids or his momma--there is always gonna be conflicts( he needs to know how to separate the issues)
2007-01-29 14:56:05 · answer #6 · answered by gabby 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i understand how mother in laws can come between a couple so easily, so my advice would be to not talk as much to her about things and not ask him so many questons even though you are conserned about him ,i would be too...... i bet its hard raising children while your husband is away but you seem strong and just know that your hubby is too or he wouldnt be there now.. if he needs to talk hell talk..... men seem to keep things bottled up too much but if we pressure them to let it out they just get angry..
2007-01-29 14:54:27 · answer #7 · answered by t_ibrahim 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This sounds exactly like what happend to my mom. try talking to your husbands mom and ask she is doing all that than talk to your husband about it
2007-01-29 14:51:33 · answer #8 · answered by Zack 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pray, prayer opens the door for God to work in our lives, cry out to God and He will answer....God bless ya
2007-01-29 14:52:47 · answer #9 · answered by Bert 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
if only I got paid for this. Id be a millionaire!
2007-01-29 14:50:45 · answer #10 · answered by Genesis 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋