I cheated on my husband (boyfriend at the time) about 2 years ago. He still gets upset about it from time to time and it makes me feel really bad. I wish I could take it back. We are now married and about to have our first baby together. I wish there were a way to tell him or show him I'm sorry and how special he is to me.
2007-01-29 14:10:01 · 13 answers · asked by belly 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is really sad for all three of you. All you can do is go forward, loving him the best way you know how.
You could examine what it was in yourself that allowed you to cheat and talk with him about how you would be dealing with that flaw.
He married you after you cheated, tho. So, I think on the other hand he ought to shut up about it already, because he married you after you cheated. Period. If it was so unbearable, he wouldn't have married you, right!
Unless he wanted to have a wife he could bash around emotionally. Does he?
Things are going to get very intense, because your baby is going to need your pretty much undivided attention. How will he cope with that? Is he going to be jealous when you nurse your baby, giving your child his/her birthright? Is he going to support your closeness with the child, supporting you and the child so your child doesn't endure the terrible emotional trauma of separation from mommy before age 3, known to cause severe and irreperable emotional, social, physical, and intellectual damage? Babies who enter care for more than ten hours a week actually get less approval from daddy, detached from mommy, and more likely to experience a divorce!
Does he tell you he can mistreat you because you mistreated him?
2007-01-29 14:17:29 · answer #1 · answered by cassandra 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He makes you feel really bad, are you serious. You are trying to make him, make you happy. How about instead of trying to change the way he feels, you and he deal with the way he feels.
The more you love or care for someone the deeper they can and do hurt you. You are most likely the only person in the world, that could have hurt him so bad. Will time heal this, I think so, but It will help if you realize, that this something you did, you choose to hurt him, you knew it would. And if you are the one that told him about it, that compounds the hurt and problem. There are only two reasons that you would have told him, 1) you felt guilty 2) to hurt him even more. In either case the motive to tell him was to make yourself feel better.
All you can do to speed the healing is to listen and cry with him when the pain surfaces, sorry there are no quick fixes for this, but it will get better in time.
Good Luck
2007-01-29 22:41:00 · answer #2 · answered by brp_13 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When he said he would take you back, he should have completely forgiven you. He shouldn't hold onto the resentment and hold this over your head the rest of your lives. He has every right to be angry and this is hard on him, you have to understand that. You need to start giving a few extra hugs, kisses, i love you's, words of encouragement, appreciation, support, and affection. I guarantee that if you give you will receive. Have you two been to marriage counseling? If you haven't, I highly suggest it. I really do. A faith based counselor is best if you are religious. Actions speak louder than words. I hope you will try my suggestions, but that's my solution and it's up to you. I am happy you and your husband are trying to make things work instead of running off and getting a divorce. Let us know how things go! God bless you.
I'm sorry but I just now read that he was your BF at the time. He knew this when he asked you to marry him, and he should deal with it and he made a lifelong committment to you. His trust was broken before marriage and it should have been repaired or worked on before marriage. I still suggest a little more affection and marriage counseling. Don't get nasty with him about this, but just take our advice and see what happens. The worst thing you can do is to tell him that he should forgive you and get over it. He knows that.
2007-01-29 22:22:28 · answer #3 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it may be a way he is showing you that he really has a lot of pain from the cheating, It hard to look at a person and not think of what they did even though you love them. I think you should just be there as a wife and let him see you are there for him, doing nice things like cooking his favorite meal or just simply saying I love you a few time a day will assure him you are trying to do something nice.
2007-02-02 20:41:21 · answer #4 · answered by 2g4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time, transparency, and repetition are all the critical components. Tell him repeatedly. Learn to read him and know what he's thinking. Work on brokeness, not strength, but weakness. Show him weakness and how you have hurt yourself. Not self-deprication, just simple humility. Show him an enlightenment, a knowledge that the grass was not greener at all. You are forever sorry and will forever find ways to communicate that there is only one king.
2007-01-29 22:20:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just give him space and time to heal... Sounds like you may need marriage counseling here... I wsh you the best and hope the both of you can get past this soon.
2007-01-29 22:50:30 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop bringing it up, if you keep talking about it. It sounds like you and your husband have not forgiven yourself for your affair. Unless the both of you can forgive yourself, forget the affair and move on, this is always going to come between the two of you.
2007-01-29 22:21:00 · answer #7 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I dont think things will ever be the same, it will always haunt him and I am not sure what will make it any better. You hve to work really hard to regain his trust. You could tell him everyday how much he means to you ad make him feel secure in the relationship.
2007-01-29 22:22:15 · answer #8 · answered by evilgrl 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
he needs to let it go. if u are faithful now..and always will be, tell him to let the past go. happiness can never be found in the past. the past only holds memories. tell him to pray at night to let the bad memories go away, and they will. if he married you, he probably forgave you, but its just those memories making him miserable from time to time. i hope that u will never hurt him like that again, but he needs to bury that memory because it means nothing today.
2007-01-29 22:49:11 · answer #9 · answered by ♥ 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he felt he could not let the past be the past, he should not have married you. I have always said that if you are willing to stay with someone who has cheated - you have to be willing to never bring it up. Let the past be the past. He'll probably never get over his distrust unfortunately.
2007-01-29 22:25:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋