I grew up without my father in the household, but I was raised with my grandfather (and he was NOT a piece of cake, either). I have always been attracted to men a lot older than I am, even as a teenager. I have rarely had any interest in guys who were around my age. I am attracted to older men's maturity and wisdom. Even when I was 16, I liked a guy who was 24. I am now 23, and my boyfriend is 38. I really don't know why this is, but it seems logically obvious that it's b/c of the absence of my father. I don't feel that it has had an effect on me in that way, though. I still feel that even if I grew up with my father, I would probably be the same way. Do you think that might necessarily have anything to do with my attraction to older men?
2007-01-29 13:49:10 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
It could be. It's tough when your father (or grandfather) is not there for you in the way a loving supportive father is, that is abandonment.
If you haven't dealt with that I would consider reading some books on the subject or letting a counselor help you sort it out.
I disagree with Christine (below) that it is not a problem. I think whenever your decision is influenced by past pain you are possibly not making the best or clearest decision you could for yourself. I think where dating older men could be an issue is if you want to get married and have a family. What if you want children and he doesn't. What if he reluctantly agrees and you are left doing most of the work raising "your child" because you wanted it. If you retire at 65 and want to travel, it is not likely your 80 year old husband will want to. You may be nursing him at that point. These are just a few examples, you may have already noticed others. I would just think about it and make sure you don't cheat yourself out of any life experiences you deserve.
If you think it is an issue for you, consider dealing with the abandonment issue so that you know it is not a factor in your decision making process when you date. THe best thing is to talk to a counselor. If that is not an option, there are alot of books on abandonment. A good book on loss (loss of a father figure, loss of trust) is The Grief Recovery Handbook by Russell Friedman. Hope this helps. Good luck,
2007-01-29 14:09:00 · answer #1 · answered by crossroads67 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is quite common for women who had an absent father (either physically or emotionally) to seek a father figure in a partner. They are looking to fill the void left by their father. As long as your relationships are healthy, there really isn't a problem with you dating older men. If you feel that dating older men doesn't do enough to fill this void, you may want to talk to a mental health professional about what it was like growing up without a strong father figure. Hope this helps!
2007-01-29 14:15:31 · answer #2 · answered by ~Christine~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's possible, but the fact that you're aware of the possiblilty shows your maturity. It's not necessarily a bad thing. Only if they manipulate you because of your lack of experience.
2007-01-29 13:55:50 · answer #3 · answered by shermynewstart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋