I'm 20 and as I was about to move out my dad left to live with his girlfriend. My mother asked me not to move out yet and to stay with her until she felt better. It's 8 months later and my mother is unhappy every day, wants to be unhappy and gets mad that I'm not wallowing with her. On top of that, she told me I can't have contact with my dad (if I do I'm betraying her and I'm not loyal), but still wants to use me as a go-between bargaining chip. My dad seems to genuinely want what's best for me, but has lied in past and has betrayed my trust. I don't want either to be hurt or mad, and I don't want to burn bridges. Nor do I want to be manipulated. I just want to be fair and nonjudgemental. I think it's time I move out, but how do I do so without hurting my mother, and how do I keep in contact with both without ending up without any parent at all? And how do I deal with unreasonable adults who are acting like children.
2007-01-29 13:23:29 · 9 answers · asked by Annaonymous 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
listen i lived this as the mom. Love your mom and listen to her. as for your dad you can see him and love him but do not bring hurtful stories back to mom. Try to find your mom a nice guy to talk to. take her places with you.
2007-01-29 14:03:29 · answer #1 · answered by elliepenelly 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry for you hun. I feel that if you want to move out, it's time. Yes....your mother is going through a very hard time, but she shouldn't burden you with it. I'm not saying she's doing it to be mean, she's feeling hopeless. There are medicine's to help your Mom get through this. If in fact she is really going through menopause...there are all kinds of treatments for her. She also may want to ask her doctor about an antidepressant and a name of a good counselor. You can have a relationship with both your parents, they will both love you no matter what. Your mom needs help sweetie, maybe you can help her get to that point of going to see her doctor. She's not thinking clearly, and doesn't realize the hurt she is causing you. It would take me a lot longer than 8 months to feel better about my husband moving out to move in with his girlfriend. Give her time. If she refuses your help and insists you stay away from your dad, you did all you could do.....she'll have to carry the burden alone until she's ready to face her problem. Take care and good luck to you.
2007-01-29 13:42:28 · answer #2 · answered by ksgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh I feel so sorry for you. No one has stopped to think aboutwhat this whole mess has done to you. So... you need to do what makes you happy and let them take care of things between the two of them. Refuse to relay any messages. Do not answer any question they ask about the other. Tell them that when you see them that if the other parent enters into the conversation that you will leave. This is horrible how you have been put in between. And Your mom will never heal as long as she sits in the house looking for pity and putting guilt trips on you. Don't feel bad about what you do, did they?
2007-01-29 13:41:49 · answer #3 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell your mom that you want your own place. Recommend a Divorce Care or Divorce Recovery class for your Mom. Your parents shouldn't keep you in the middle. You should be able to see your Mom or Dad any time you like, without guilt.
2007-01-29 13:39:54 · answer #4 · answered by Faith 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mother how you feel, tell her it's not fair to put you in the middle, he is your dad, and you have the right to love him too, tell her that you love both of them, but if she does nt stop putting you in the middle, you will move out, but do this in a loving way, respect her.....good luck and God bless ya
2007-01-29 13:49:43 · answer #5 · answered by Bert 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do need to move out because the boat is sinking and you're on it.
Give your Mother a date that you're moving out and then do it.
Also don't take sides....you don't want to be in the middle of this.
You love your Mother and you can be there for her up to a certain point....but you are not responsible for her or her happiness.
2007-01-29 13:30:16 · answer #6 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give your mom a year to get her stuff together. Your dad has a girlfriend that support him but not your mom. She needs your support but dont get trapped in her issues. You have a life too.
2007-01-29 13:31:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time for you to go your own way.
2007-01-29 13:27:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
distance!! the more the better
2007-01-29 13:28:38 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋