i have been with him off and on for 3 years. we live together now and every time we get in a fight he threatend to leave me. i have 2 kids frome my first marrage and we have become dependent on him. it scares me to think that he can just leave and forget about us im getting really tired of this. i mave legal matters and that is why i cant get a jod. he promised to help me and he never did. i dont know what to do??? pleas help !!!!
2007-01-29 13:21:48 · 22 answers · asked by cilla1a 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That's why he threatens you.. He KNOWS you are dependent on him... Start planing for you and your kids.. This day may come. Show him you are dependent.. you CAN do it. There are alot of single women with disabilities, problems, legal matters, etc. that do it.. You will feel better about yourself...Get temporary help from the Gov. and there is lots of help our there for women and children. Do you have any family members that can help you? Friends? Personally, if I was getting tired of it I would do some action. I am sorry if I sound hard on you.. But he's in control. Why hasn't he taken your hand in marriage? Honestly, a gentleman would. Please, don't let fear control you. Show your kids you can be dependent and that you are worth more that this man is offering you. As you know you are the biggest influence on these children show them you do have morals, values, standards, and priorities.... YOU CAN DO IT.....
2007-01-29 13:38:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are basically with this guy for financial support. He probably realizes that and knows the threat of leaving you is the worst thing he could do to you. To be honest, I don't blame him if that is the case. How would you like to have to support a boyfriend and his two kids from an ex? If this scares you so much, you better prepare yourself, just in case. Legal matters are preventing you from getting a job? The only legal matter I can think of that would prevent you would be jail. Stop being so dependent on him. Get off your behind and start supporting your family. Maybe if you contributed, he wouldn't threaten so much. And if he did ever leave or threaten to leave, you wouldn't be completely lost and would be able to cope with the situation better.
2007-01-29 21:29:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have a matured conversation about this. I may not have experience, but at least try it out. Ask him why he threatens to leave you just because of a fight. That's not the way a boyfriend should treat his girlfriend! Don't depend on him TOO much, or it might spoil you guys. Tell him that you're tired of him threatening you. Also, ask him WHY he never helped you. Sorry if this doesn't work out. Good luck though.
2007-01-29 21:28:51 · answer #3 · answered by clandestine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for one the situation you're in is very sticky. I've managed to realize that over the years,some men date women in situations that aren't the best because they care,but they want to trap you in that situation. By him threatening to leave you,he is showing you who really runs to the show. At first it might have been about caring,but now it's about caring of who knows,and if your willing to take that chance.
If you're tired of it,take control of your life. Find small odd jobs,in advertisments,they want housekeepers. I know that if you look in some ads,they have people who leave their homes for florida,who want it cleaned,and will pay you at least 15-25 an hour. they have programs for women and their children.Ever tried collecting welfare on any terms? It's not a hopeless situations.
Take control,show him you don't need him,and in the end struggling to get by will make you a better person then a person being codependent on someone else.
2007-01-29 21:36:20 · answer #4 · answered by Ellie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Looks like he is taking advantage of your situation. Also, this might sound harsh, but you may have been too dependent on him. I can't think of a legal reason why you cannot get a job, unless you are living illegally in your country. Try getting a job in Walmart/Target/Starbucks etc. They are pretty well paid($10/hr) and you will start feeling confident once you work. Then you can leave him and live on your own until you find a better person. Good luck
2007-01-29 21:29:30 · answer #5 · answered by Phani R 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Oh dear Hon, really sounds as if you need to sort your life out. I would shut up and put up with him and sort out my 'legal matters' then think about possible independance and saving money in case you do split - at least you won't be homeless. Surely you can get some kind of job? What kind of legal matters stop that?! Sorry to sound so harsh, but time to grow up and face reality. We all have to sort our own s hit out. While I sympathise you are going through a bad time with your relationship - (We've all been there at some point!) Why should the state fund you moving out? Sort your own problems out
2007-01-29 21:27:06 · answer #6 · answered by rose_merrick 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you need to do is find a way to become financially independent of him. He knows he scares you by threatening to leave and he enjoys thinking he has control over you and can treat you any way he chooses. There has to be some kind of job you can get to have an income. He is not going to help you. Take your children and go, even if it's to a women's shelter where you will be safe and they will help you find employment.
2007-01-29 21:28:13 · answer #7 · answered by missingora 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I didnt quite understand why you cant work but it sounds to me like your boyfriend knows you need him. It sounds to me that he figures he can say and do whatever he wants because you dont do anything for him. Well you should'nt make yourself seem so useless if he leaves you. The last thing you want to do is make yourself dependent over a man. Especially because your kids will see this and think that its okay. You should ask yourself who does the cooking, cleaning, watching the kids...because thats a job in itself. If he really loved you he wouldnt hang the fact that he can leave you at any moment over your head. You need to figure out what is best for yourself and your kids because sounds to me like you should'nt sit around and hope he stays
2007-01-29 21:30:18 · answer #8 · answered by wildiva3 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How did you survive before he came into your life? He knows he has you where he wants you.....Under his thumb. You need a plan.... to build up your own self esteem, and circumstance, and NOT depend on him. Once you show him your independence, I believe he will have stronger respect for you and treat you with the respect that you deserve. If he doesnt, you can put your plan in motion and be done with him, KNOWING that you can take care of yourself and your babies! You can do anything you put your mind to..... BELIEVE IT!
2007-01-29 21:33:23 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to fix those legal matters and begin to stand up on your own two feet to take care of you and the children.
You're right, he can leave at anytime and then where will you be?
He has no legal obligations to you....get your affairs in order.
2007-01-29 21:27:35 · answer #10 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋