My husband hit me. He's never done that before so I'm a bit shocked and don't know what to do.?

Question

I think I'm just going to leave him. I've heard it be said that once they start hitting they never stop. I don't want to be beat on.

Is that the smart way out or is it the easy way out?

Answer 1

I'm with most of the other people who have answered---it's time to go.

Answer 2

I don't know what his history is, and I don't want to tell you to stay with him and risk your safety. I will tell you that something similar happened to me years ago in my marriage. We'd been married about 5 years and things escalated and he didn't actually hit me, but he hit/pushed me and I fell back into the closet. I spent days in shock and couldn't believe how surreal it was, especially since he'd never been the kind that would do that. I totally related in some ways to how women get sucked into the cycle of abuse and thinking it won't happen again.

I had a talk with him the next day about how it could never happen again or I would be out of there. It hasn't- ever. Not even close. That was 8 years ago. A couple of my other friends have had that "one time" phenomena. I don't know if you are married to a "one time" person. If you don't feel safe you should leave and work things out from there if they can be. Just be careful. I too refused to be a punching bag, but fortunately the issue of it happening again never happened. So I can't say if they all start up with it after one time. It's never an easy way out to walk away from abuse, or to walk away at all.

Answer 3

You have two options none of which are easy.

Option One
You ask that you and him attend marriage counseling since obviously there are issues that need to be resolved in ways that don't involve violence. Anger management classes would also help. If you were verbally fighting and he hit you then you both need to work on ways to communicate better. This does not mean that you deserved to be hit or abused in anyway. If he refuses, you LEAVE. If he does it again when you are in counseling...you leave.

Option Two
You leave him. If you go back option one must be met.

You should never allow yourself to be abused in anyway. If you just ignore it then it will get worse since you ignored it the first time.

All this is easier said then done but stay strong. If you don't think that you can do it join a support group. Being hit one time is always one hit too many.

Answer 4

I've been married to my wife for 17 years.
My father used to hit my mother until I was old enough to stop him. That took a lot of guts at age 15, believe me.
When I married my wife, In taking the marriage vows, I also made a silent oath in front of the altar at the same time. I swore I will never raise my hand against my wife, even in the bitterest of quarrels. Now, after 17 years of marriage, we had a lot of quarrels, but I've never hit her, neither have I thrown anything at her.

We always makeup without faulting the other. That's what marriage is. One body in marriage. You cannot live in harmony if you blame each other.

I do not think that a husband should hit a wife, abuse her or rape her. The day he does this, he has lost his respect in the sight od his peers.

This works both ways. A wife or a husband who constantly derides the spouse is no better.

If you must leave him, it is your choice based on the facts, yours and his.

Answer 5

Leave, and leave now. You are in a no win situation. He will say he's sorry blah, blah, blah...Take it from someone who knows a little something about this. It won't get any better. The behavior may change for awhile, but, it will always be there. It will show it's ugly head the next time you make him mad. And the next time will be worse. It's a vicious cycle and you need to get out now. Come on honey, you know yourself that you deserve much more than some asshole who doesn't know how to treat a woman. This is not love, this is CONTROL. There's a difference.

Answer 6

Leave immediately. Those who say give him one more chance are obviously the ones who have never been hit. Believe me, hitting you will just get easier and easier for him to do. If he is apologizing and saying he'll never do it again, turn a deaf ear. He never should have done it to start with. I've been in an abusive relationship before--the day I left was the beginning of the life I have today. No woman deserves to be hit, no excuses. If you need a sympathetic ear, please email me at [e-mail]. Good luck!

Answer 7

It is true...when they start hitting you...you'll become an easy punching bag. But that doesn't mean you should take the easy way out before even trying to fix the problem, counseling is a good option and also your husband should get an anger management program. Give him and ultimatum and tell him that if he ever hits you again you will call police, and you will leave him, also tell him that he needs to go to counseling, otherwise wont work. Good Luck and don't let him get away with this if he loves you he will change.

Answer 8

I understand your situation completely. And a lot of people on here that have never been through it are gonna say, "Leave. Just go." But trust me, usually it's not that easy. If you're at a point right now where you feel like you can go, do it. But if you don't feel like you can, please call someone and get some help. It's a lot easier to do it when you have support. There's nothing easy about your decision, but leaving is the smartest thing that you will ever do because it will definitely get worse. Try not to think about those guilty feelings, just do what's best for you.

Answer 9

Based on the information you have provided you are asking a bit of a tough question.

First thing remember you hold all the power here.

Tell him that is the first and last time he hits you and that if does it again you will not only leave but also ensure that he is arrested for spousal abuse.

You would be well with in sound judgement to advise the police of the situation and that you do not wish to press charges at this time, but want it on record in case you need to use it in the future.

I think you should always trust your own judgement but also trust your heart at the same time.

in any case i wish you luck.

I really can not stand a man that hits a woman, for me there would have to be circumstances that force me to hit a woman that are on the edge of life and death stuff anyway I hope this helps

Answer 10

Men who beat women are wife beaters, men who start doing that without no apparent reason turn you into a battered wife. Get some help fast there are many women support groups and most importantly, file a report with the police, especially if you have any external telltale marks of a beating, just so it gets documented right. We are always crucifying ourselves wondering what we did to deserve it. The answer is simple, nothing. If you fall into the trap of thinking you deserve it then you are really in trouble. Counseling might help, but only after you file a report with the police.

Answer 11

Smart way out, seems to me once a guy hits a girl and she "lets" it go, then it becomes a habit. I would never hit anyone, but if I did I would think that were crazy to stay.