Would you hang out with your ex's new girl/fiancee/wife to get to know her?

Question

My ex-husband and I have two kids together. His fiancee and I have had a lot of trouble between us. She seems to want to be my friend though I can't get passed the whole I'm the ex she's the new thing. She will be my children's step-mother within 6 months. I want to give her a fair chance and make certain my dislike of her isn't just the whole you're the new thing. If I were to die, she'd be the only mother figure in their lives. I want to make certain that I can trust her, especially since they are in her care 1/2 time. Would you take her to lunch and have a chat with her to either get to know her better or lay some ground rules about the kids? What if you found you liked her and could see the two of you being friends? What would you do then?

Answer 1

Are you kidding? Having a great relationship with her would be so great for your kids. They don't need the baggage of fighting parents and new steps. If you get along with her, then chances are things will be done for the kids the way you would like them done. You would be open to suggestions, as would she. This would be a total win-win situation. Did you ever see the movie Step Mom with Julia Roberts? Go see it. Please for the sake of the kids, try to get over your bad feelings for this woman.

Answer 2

For the children's sake it would be nice if you can get along, like you said after all she will be spending time with them. You don't have to become friends and that would probably be awkward, but if you do that's OK too, I just wouldn't push for it, what if you really don't have anything in common and don't like her. So long as you can maintain a mature civil relationship that's all that counts. I would however make some ground rules, that way she and your ex can't "buy" the children's affection. I would tell her politely the rules they've always had at home with or without your ex living there and tell her you'd appreciate her sticking to them. It's very easy for the step parent to allow things trying to get the kids to like them. I'd also ask her to put limits on any gifts she buys for them, you don't want her and Daddy spending hundreds of dollars on a Bday gift if you can only spend $50.00.

Answer 3

My ex remarried after knowing his present wife for two months. I've heard things about her from my children and I've seen the way she runs over my ex. She lived on her own for 17 years before she married my ex. Now they've adopted 2 of her daughter's children because she's a druggie and can't take care of them. She gets her way no matter what and he lets her (yes, he has issues)(yes, she's totally spoiled). But I could never be friends with her. We are pleasant to each other when in a family situation but that's enough for me.

Answer 4

In this case, since there are kids involved, it would be a good idea to get to know her - being as she will have a major influence in your child's/children's lives. You want to make sure it is a good influence. Getting to know her better, setting ground rules between the two of you (that you make up together - don't just go in and make all the rules, let her be apart of it and ask her opinion as well), would not only be good for your kids, but it would make the awkwardness between you and them dissipate. It may not disappear, but it will grow thinner. If kids were not involved, I would say let them be, but since you have kids with your ex, the three of you (and if you have a significant other) need to find a common ground. You may not ever be best pals, but at least all of you should find a way to be civil and show the kids what good role models look like. They will then grow up to be responsible, understanding adults and you will be proud of them and yourself for doing the right thing. Good luck, and whenever problems arise or you get frustrated, remember you are doing this for your kids. I wish you the best!

Answer 5

You and only you, know your true emotional boundaries...

Yes, I think that it is a good idea to be civil and kind to your children's soon-to-be step mom, but you do not have to be personal friends with her unless you both decide it is something that you want.

Personally, I could not be good friends with my ex-husband's new wife, regardless how much I liked her. Value the fact that he has chosen a good role model for your children and rest easy that your children are in capable hands while you are not there.

Leave your contact with her to surround only the subject of the children.

Answer 6

Well, I think it's time for you to step off your high-horse and give her a chance. If she hasn't given you any reason to dislike her, and you feel that she is fit to mother your children, then you should accept her. There is nothing wrong in a new friendship, I believe it to be the best thing. You should seriously think about giving her a chance. There is also nothing wrong in taking her out to lunch to set some rules, but don't be rude about it. Be blunt and make things clear. Good luck!

Answer 7

Go a head and find out what's she's like for your kids.
Good Luck

Answer 8

ok nicely if your His female pal He shouldn't in any respect placed Yu in the back of His Ex. Soo that's whilst Yu could quite end and attempt to come to a decision How a lot Yu advise to Him because of the fact there will be different Days whilst he will p.c.. To Be along with his Ex and not Yu And Plus They Dont might desire to "capture Upp" On His Birthday Theres a lot of alternative Days For That.

Answer 9

Here's how it works...you just have to be civil...you don't have to be her friend. As long as you smile and say hi...that's all it takes. I've seen it tons of times with my parents. Just be nice, and don't pick fights or be ugly..and things will be fine. You could strike up a friendship...but don't rush into it or force yourself to like her...

Answer 10

For your kids, yes. I am the full-time stepmother, and we get along 99% of the time. The truth is, unless she's terrible, you'll like her, but it will always be hard to have someone parenting your kids. Good luck.