What do you think of this poem I wrote?

Question

Childhood Memories

I remember the sun,
When it used to shine so bright.
I remember long ago,
When there was no such thing as night.
I remember as a child,
When friends weren't hard to find.
When every face held a smile,
When everyone was kind.
I remember playing in
The worlds we used to make.
The joy that they would give us,
The tears that they would take.
I remember sunny times,
When outside we wouild play.
I remember rainy days,
When inside we would stay.
I remember passing time,
With boards and cards and dice.
I remember cardboard boxes;
A child's paradice.
I remember lullibies,
And stories that they told.
I remember how it felt, to wake up in their hold.
But friends have left,
And time has gone.
Some have died,
And life moves on.
So I'll live in the present,
And remember the past.
I'll look foward to the future,
And make sure life dosn't move so fast.

I know it has some gramatical errors, and I'm only 14, so it probably wont be that great.

Answer 1

It's a wonderful poem, except for the last line, "And make sure life doesn't move so fast." The ending is what brings the whole thing to a close and should leave the reader with a particular feeling. The rest of the poem is meaningful and flows and reads well, just alter that last line a bit in a way you see fit. I'm 14 as well, don't write much poetry, but write lots of other things often, but writing is such a great way of expression, isn't it? Keep writing, you've got talent.

EDIT:

I went and read your "Love is a Rose" poem, and thought it was also amazing, even better than this one. Keep it up. I'll be waiting to read more from you.

Answer 2

Good Job! Keep writing. The only way to get better is to write every day - every day. Even if you don't think it's great, write it anyway. You can decide later if it's good or bad. You are off to an excellent start.

Answer 3

you're so gifted. i be conscious of i've got suggested that in the past. it incredibly is a deep significant poem, it incredibly is a different form than you employ now despite if it is so sturdy to me. Drown my soul in wash of sorrow. build my doubts and pass away me hallow. you be conscious of i'm fond of you. I prefer i could open up the form you do.

Answer 4

That's great for 14.

I started writing prose at 16 and I still write sometimes and I'm 34 now.

Answer 5

I like it. It speaks the truth about Life. You did pretty good for a 14 year old.

Answer 6

It's beautiful. And being that I've been writing since I was thirteen (12 years ago) I can say what's good poetry and what's bad. Keep it up ..

Answer 7

I like it. You might want to work on the meter a bit, though: much of the poem seems to be "five syllables, six syllables, five syllables, six syllables", but it varies. Varying certainly is fine when done intentionally, but otherwise... eh.

Answer 8

I loved it.. I'm 15 and I think that you have talent.

Answer 9

Fix the typos & I think it's great.

Answer 10

This is very good! You're a good writer, keep it up.