My husband is driving me crazy!!?

Question

im serious. im at the end of my rope. ive posted other stuff about this before and here i am, still hanging in there. he's jealous and controlling! he's jealouls of my 17 yr old daughters boyfriend coming over while he's at work. ive never gave him a reason to be this way. its just the way he's always been. we've been married 10 years and i think im finally strong enough emotionally and financially to move on. i love him but his ways are pushing me away! ive tried so hard to hang in there and make it work. for us and our kids but i cant do it anymore! im sitting here with tears running down my face because of the way he talks to me.... i really in my heart of hearts dont wanna leave him but i dont know what else to do. so my question is this. should i just tell him i want a divorce or just a trial seperation? anyone else been through this?

thanks everyone. i ve read your answers and theres alot of good advice.
we have tried counseling like 3 yrs ago. it went ok for a while but it didnt last. also, let me add that my daughter is always here when her b/f comes over. i would never allow it any other way. but yes, he (hubby has always had a jealous streak) i thought after this long together he would be over it by now but, no. and as far as controlling, he doesnt seem to like me having friends. he's even come between me and my family.(of course we've made ammends) he finds something wrong with everybody. picking out their flaws. well nobodys perfect ya know? anyway, thanks for taking the time to read my question.

Answer 1

Does he drink or have any other addictive qualities? Just want to make sure, as if he does, that is a whole different situation, and I'd recommend going to Alanon.
If not, you need to figure out if this is something you can handle. If it isn't, you figure out a way to fix it or leave. If it is something you can handle, then you keep moving on with him, and let it be. This is completely under your control.

Answer 2

If you really don't want to leave then go to counseling, either with him or by yourself. It will cost $, but it's for your health. If your mind is all messed up over this then your body will follow. You need to talk to someone face to face and not just online.

Marriage is not an easy place and men & women are very different in how they communicate......after years of living together married couples tend to take things for granted and hurt the people they love. Hopefully you can find a ggod mediator to help you guys talk together in a productive way. No one should stay when they are being treated badly, if you need too maybe stay at a hotel for a couple of days and write your husband a letter explaining what you're going thru ( If you do, let someone know where you are, but not him)

Do you best to find a counseler ( you might want to go alone at first)... and don't feel bad if you don't like the 1st counseler you find....it may take a couple of trials to find a person you're comfortable talking to.

Good luck and stay strong, take a walk when you feel like crying. :)

Answer 3

You need to put some separation between you and your jealous husband right away. Call it a trial sep or cooling down time or whatever, but get yourself physically secure first, then you will have the time to work on everything else. Irrational jealousy such as you describe is not a function of love. Don't let the emotional abuse have a chance to turn physical. Call a help line and talk to someone or a minister or family member. Get safe and then you can decide if you still want a future with this asshole or not.

Answer 4

I wouldn't do anything at the moment. You're obviously still upset about something, and when you're upset is not the best time to make life-changing decisions. Wait until you calm down and think rationally and logically if you will be happier without him or not.

And by "without him" I mean by yourself, not with some other guy. Anyone getting divorced must face the very real possibility of being alone for the rest of their lives. Which isn't so bad, really. So ask yourself, "would I be happier alone than with him?"

The reason I say this is because good men usually aren't still available into their 30's and beyond. So only leave if you're okay being alone, or if you're okay dating a string of losers for the rest of your life.

Answer 5

If you ask for a trial separation he'll think hes right, that your fooling a round,and if he agrees with it he'll stock you till he thinks he has found something to confront you with.

Think of the hell he's going to put you throw.

Jealousy is a nasty thing to work out of someone.

My ex would check the millage on my car Dayle,if i was to go to a store with in a few minuets of being there he would have me paged just to see if i was there,if I want to Church more then three times in a month I was having an afar with someone at Church, if a man looked my way he wanted to know where did i know him from.
we got into lots of fights over it and yes I was hit a few times .

I like you.. got feed up with that jealously shi*.
I set him down one day and told him if he only knew how much i loved him ,he would be ashamed of him self for thinking that i would do that to him.
I told him that he was a good provider(and he was) and that i was happy with him , but not about the jealousy or controlling my every move or the hitting.

I told him this is going to STOP! right now, for the next time you accuse me or spy on me or hit me it will be the end of our marriage.

That lasted one month,I found him in the bathroom going though my purse.

The next day I want to see a lawyer and filed for a Divorce and ended a 18 year marriage.
It's been 13 years now and I have never been happer.

It's unbelievable the things you put up with in the name of love.
Don't let it get this far,as a lot of women do.
I wish you luck.

Answer 6

Well, if you have any children of your own, maybe he could see the difference between the two sets of behaviors. You may see if you can find him some support groups or counseling to see if there is something he can do within himself to set up some boundaries. The bad part is that this children have been conditioned to their behavior for a long time and will carry this through many other relationships. Children may get upset to find that the parent has changed 'hats' and is now being a genuine parent, but as far as losing them, I think the only thing they will lose is their lack of respect for him, and maybe build some respect now that they see he has a backbone. Good Luck to you both. : )

Answer 7

Your husband is a control freak. Why? Because he's insecure and jealous and believes every stupid thing he thinks.
You would be wise to seek seperate counseling for yourself to find out why you stay with a guy who accuses you of cheating on him with your daughter's boyfriend. That's serious stuff to be accusing someone of. Your daughters do not have a good male role model. Hopefully they won't grow up and marry the same kind of guy and think that kind of treatment is love. It's not love. It's sickness. Your husband needs professional help and you need counseling to find out how to leave him.

Answer 8

Maybe if you do tell him you are filing for a divorce it would be best. You are showing your kids if they here this and see you like this that it is ok to stay with someone who emotionally abuses you. Your husband has some weird hangup and it is probably from things he has done in his past. Think about you and your kids. Tell him you are going and stick with it. You will end up a basket case if you stay. And don't you think you deserve to live life happy without being accused of everthing under the sun?

Answer 9

HEY, DR. PHIL ADDRESSED THIS VERY ISSUE TODAY JAN. 30- SO CHECK OUT HIS WEBSITE I guess it's dr.phil.com and they might post it. Good luck. Some people are like that, it means they have low self-esteem so unless he gets therapy he's not going to change. I would tell him how you feel and ask if he'd be willing to go to therapy and if he says no, I'd leave him. A guy I was dating started with that on the second day and I am looking at him in disbelief because he was gorgeous and I felt lucky such a good looking guy liked me, and he is jealous of me? It's not normal. People like that have some major issues. We didn't last very long.

Answer 10

How about tring councling. for starters you want to leave him, you say you dont, but the two things that you said to do, were trial seperation and divorce. Is he only jelouse of your dauters boyfreind, if so the maybe he is wishing he was that young and free spirited again, i dont know the full story so i can on speculate on his reasoning. Is the boyfreind comeing over when your daughter isnt thier? or maybe he reconizes the looks and attention that the boyfreind may give you. women dont always see or know what to look for when a guy is giving " attention" to a woman. sorry for my spelling, but dont right off going to councling thought. if you love him the you will try your best to stay with him, for better or worce,

Answer 11

ok this is not right, u should try marriage counceling, tell him how u feel. u need to tell him i don't want this . I want this to change . u need to take control and push him around like he did u, show him who's boss. show him the way u felt when he pushed u around. tell him that u have had enough of his ****. or maybe the best solution would be a trial separation and make him suffer, so he will feel guilty and upset. then aventuallly he'll comeback with an attitude change. Best wishes :-)