In my last relationship my boyfreind cheated on me and he hurt me to the point where it's hard for me to completely open and let my guard down. My husband says he is tired of me keeping my feelings in. Before he married me he new it would take some time for me to fully open up. He thinks I don't love him because I won't completely open up and we're married. I don't think he should be pressuring me because it's not like he just discovered this about me. What do you think?
2007-01-29 12:00:54 · 11 answers · asked by LaQuinta 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know exactly where you are coming from the relationship before my husband was full of lies and deceit every where i turned was another lie.I know he cheated just never caught him in the act,before him was a couple of people i dated that were jerks and liars.When i was young men took advantage of me because i was looking for love because i didn't have a father and mom hated me.So that has put me to the place i am today cold hearted and distant and very angry.My husband is a wonderful man and I love him more than I ever thought I would love a man,but i am so cold and bitter sometimes.It hurts me when i hurt him by not opening up to him whenever i want but i am getting better and we have been married a year and i am just now opening up and not being so defensive.I am always on the defense no matter what and it just makes me miserable.I have developed this get them before they get me and it almost cost me the one person who loves me and didn't bail when things got rough.He knows why I am this way and thats why he doesn't even respond he just loves me even when i am angry.So moral of the story is life is too short so what if you open your heart and you get hurt life is not worth living without your soul mate and if your husband is trying you have a great guy that loves you and knows your heart has been broken but he isn't giving up so don't give up on him.Life is too short to be bitter and broken about the past it doesn't matter anymore it was a lesson learned and all you can do is move forward don't live in the past.You have a keeper don't push him away if you opened up to him he would be at peace and happy and so would you....good luck
2007-01-29 12:26:35 · answer #1 · answered by samwise25 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he has a right to be upset if you look at it from his point of view. I understand that its hard to let your guard down, but why get married to someone you can't completely open up to? He deserves all of you. You have to remember that when you are in relationship, you have to put yourself out there. What's the point of marrying someone if you couldn't?
2007-01-29 12:52:07 · answer #2 · answered by Need Answers 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well..YOU SHOULD be open with your husband! HE'S YOUR HUSBAND!!
He is NOT your ex boyfriend, and he is NOT your past.
Thats what alot of people don't get now a days. Yea, we get hurt, yea we get our heartbroken, and yes we do move on.
Apprantly, you haven't completly healed from what this exboyfriend has done to you. And guess what, you are hurting your husband by *thinking* that he could ever do such a think to hurt you.
He didn't marry you JUST to go out and do hateful and hurtful thigns to you. He married you to LOVE you, to be your friend for life, to make children with you, to make you happy!! You are not trusting him with your feelings and your heart. And well, that hurts him alot! He is supposed to be your hero! Your night and shining armour, and the one person that you can be completly honest and open about without feeling rejected or hurt. And you are rejecting him.
And he is 100% right about thinking you don't love him. He feels broken hearted that his beloved wife, the apple of his eye, his Goddes, his Queen his lover his WIFE won't share what ails her most..
You need to deal with the demons of your past on your own time or with him. (or a professtion thearapist) Do not take time away from him. Do not say "he's pressuring me" he's not, he loves you and wants to know what it is you are thinking.
So stop being selfish and open up to your husband...
2007-01-29 13:09:33 · answer #3 · answered by Pandora 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, I think it's time for a change. You need to stop torturing your self and your poor husband. He isn't the one that cheated and neither are you . Your married now ! Get passed old resentments and don't be afraid to open your self up and release your self. Try going to counseling , open up to your self first and the rest will just happen. But as long as you continue this, I can't see your marriage being very successful. You owe it to yourself .
2007-01-29 12:36:55 · answer #4 · answered by serena h 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should get some couseling, you need to open up to your husband. or you risk letting your past repeat it's self. I can tell you as a man that your husband is beyond the normal if he is voluntarily asking you to open up and let your disscussions flow to him. A good man wants to feel connected to his wife on every level and if he feels that he cant connect with her he will eventually start noticeing women around him that do make him feel needed and accepted by talking to him about her problems and making him feel like his feelings on the matter are valued. So I can see where he's coming from and if you want to keep him you need to start being his partner and not a silent partner.
2007-01-29 12:14:38 · answer #5 · answered by Timothy C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is normal to feel hardened toward relationships after being hurt. Your husband probably feels hurt by your being closed off. He may feel cheated out of true intimacy with his wife. He may feel he has to protect his heart from being hurt by you and your guarded behavior. Try not to punish your husband for something someone else did. If he hasn't hurt you he deserves your love and trust. Maybe counseling can help.
2007-01-29 12:57:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that communication is very important in a relationship. I have dealt with a bad divorce and have a hard time trusting but I find the more open I am the easier it gets. Hope this helps??!!
2007-01-29 12:09:58 · answer #7 · answered by confused 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that he married you and thought that if you married him that it meant that you trusted him. I would think that. So you said I do and yes you should open up to him. Its not his fault what has been done to you in your past but you are making him pay for someone elses mistakes. You will drive a wedge between the two of you if you don't.
2007-01-29 12:37:35 · answer #8 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think since you went all the way and got married and took those vows you should feel ok with opening up. Do it!
2007-01-29 13:46:50 · answer #9 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HMMMM...there could be many answers to this, but my first instinct was that in all fairness, you shouldn't have gotten married until you felt that you would be able to fully share yourself with someone. Just my humble opinion. BUT, your already married, so my suggestion would be that maybe you should just try to open up to your husband...let him have the chance to prove himself. :) good luck sweetie. I know its easier said than done.
2007-01-29 12:11:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋