How can i move on??

Question

I`ve been trying so hard to let go of my ex but it`s not easy,he walked out for the 2nd time just under a month ago and left me a single mother at 24,we have a 4 year old son with learning difficulties.We had been together 6 years,he`s almost 29.

For the last couple of years we had been drifting apart due to him staying out all weekend and leaving me at home with our son while he was out drinking and taking drugs.He left for the 1st time during the summer and came back after 6 weeks telling me he fell back in love with me,which he now says is lies and he came back for our son.I know he did love me and we were doing alright till he started staying out again and not phoning me or anything.

What makes it so hard is how he done it this time,stayed out on friday after his work and sent a voice text saying he wouldn`t be coming back tonight and we`d speak the following day,we did on the phone abd he said he`d be over to see me,he didn`t appear.Instead he text me the following day

he text me the following day saying he`d be over to get his clothes for work,he came over in a taxi and kept it waiting for him outside,so i didn`t really have any closure,we`ve text each other a few times but nothing new has been said.I dont want to see him as it hurts me too much as does speaking on the phone,i want to get on with my life but dont know where to start,i`ve been out a couple of times but just compare eveyone i meet to my ex,i think he has left me for someone else and i hate him for it,how do i get over this??

Sorry for the story but i just need to get it all out my system.advice appreciated,thanx.

I know deep down that i`m better of without him but i just keep thinking about things,we have 6 years of memories together and as much as i`d like to forgeet them i can`t,unlike him.I know he treated me like dirt but he didn`t always and thats whats eating away at me the most knowing how nice he`s being to this other girl and he`ll be introducing her to his family and friends and acting all in love like we did,while i`m left in the background with my son.His family haven`t even been in touch to find out how our son is and that hurts as it`s as if they`re just willing to forget we even exist.

Answer 1

just remember the bit about the drinking and the drugs and how it felt to be left alone for weekends at a time with your son, was he thinking about you both while he was doing that? NO....do you want to go through that again? dump him for good....you need to get some inner strength, walk away and don't look back otherwise this will keep repeating it's self over and over, who wants to be with a selfish drunken druggie? think about it, your life will change for the better if you just let go....stop wasting valuable time on him and spend time with the one who's more important....your son...get shut of him, he's worthless and useless...find a decent guy, he's the pits

Answer 2

Sweetie, why would you want to be with someone who left you alone with your child and went out drinking and doing drugs? Obviously this man has maturity issues, at the very least. Surely you don't want someone who drinks and uses drugs around your little boy. Yes, it's hard to let go of someone you love, but in this case you're probably going to be better off in the long run. Do you have family you can rely on for support? You just be the best mom to your little boy that you can be and forget about this selfish loser. You and your son deserve much better than what this guy was giving you - which didn't sound like much. This very wise older lady I saw on TV said, "how can you expect to be treated like a queen when don't act like one." Start acting like the queen you are and you'll eventually attract a king to share your life with instead of the court jester. ; )

Answer 3

Well..read some of my questions. I have been having a hard time letting go of my ex as well. Moreso, for the pain and hurt he caused me afterI had done so much for him. Its been 6 months and its still hurts I think because of the rejection. Sometimes I felt I was never good enough. But it isn't me. Its him. I had to go to therapy to understand his behavior, thats how badly I was effected by him. But in your case, your ex seems to have issues that go beyond you, he is drinking and doing drugs, you dont want that around your child. Your child comes first. Your ex sounds selfish and cares about himself, not even his son, because if he did love his son he wouldnt be gone for periods at a time. Please dont let him do this to you anymore. Dont contact him anymore, you have the rest of your life to be happy. Falling out of love with him is very difficult, believe me I know. But he is not a good partner or father figure, I'm sorry. And you will see it more and more. Let him go and I would have him get visitation rights at a certain time for your son. You have to draw the line and say enough is enough. I know its so hard, but if he keeps walking in and out of your life, he will destroy you.

Answer 4

First of all he is a coward. He can't even be man enough to tell you face to face so he texts you. You are going to have to be the adult here because your son needs you to be. Your son should not be exposed to this kind of behavior anyway so your first concern is to make sure your son is in an enviornment where he isn't constantly seeing this happening in his young life. You will move on for your son's sake because your his mom and he needs that. Now for you to move on? You just take every day as it comes. I hope that you have friends and family that you can turn to because you need them right now. For those of us who have been thru something like this, we can tell you that you will be ok and there is light at the end of the tunnel. My best advice is to not take him back because in all likelyhood that man will try to worm himself back into your life and your bed. I've been there and let me tell you when he leaves again, you start the hurting process all over again. You let him have visitation rights but if you can, avoid him because you are weak at this point and that would not be very beneficial for you and your son.
You will be ok. Best of luck

Answer 5

Sounds like he's a skum-bag from what your saying. You won't want to hear this but he's probably also seeing someone else while he's away from you. If he's into drugs he's not a decent enough person to be the father of your child, and by the sounds of it he's CERTAINLY not mature enough to look after himself, let alone a child.

I'd suggest you file for legal custody of your child assuming you believe you can provide for him. If issues like you have described are placed in front of the judge, including kept text messages, and records of phone calls from the phone company, he is unlikely to be deemed fit to look after a child with learning disabilities.

I'd strongly suggest you try to find somebody capable of being a father figure to your kid (nobody can replace his father, as a father, but from what you described it wouldn't be difficult to find someone more fit to be his role-model). Obviously you need to decide what is the best move in your own mind but from what you have said you would need to wake up in the morning thinking your an onion to get back with that guy!!!!

Answer 6

It sounds to me that you need to move on for the sake of your son. I know you really love your boyfriend, but you have your hands full taking care of you child. You already have one baby...I'm sure you're not looking for another one right now. And that's how he is acting...like a child. He's not ready for the responsibility that a family brings. Sweetie move on. No one deserves to be treated the way you are...like a yo-yo.
Usually when someone is gone for the whole weekend it means they're cheating. I've learned that the hard way...hopefully that isn't the case with your situation, but keep your eyes open.
I wish you the best....Take care.
You have your child who loves and depends on you.
You don't need to be in a unhealthy relationship for the sake of a child.

Answer 7

he has moved on with someone with less problems, doesn't say much for his character. u shouldn't have taken him back that second time. u have to accept this, and get past it. he is just not happy with his role in life, wants to have no responsibilities, wants to play. he will not treat her any better than he has u after awhile, he isn't just going to turn into prince charming. he left u because u needed him to be a father and husband, and he would rather have a life without the responsibility. it always helps to get therapy, can do wonders in making us understand why. it has to do with what he wants out of life, to be immature, insensitive, and just a player. don't be sorry he is gone, just start rebuilding a life for u and your son.

Answer 8

I'm going through the same thing - my partner (five years my junior) left me two months ago because I couldn't stand his drug taking. That was the one issue we could never resolve - I couldn't stand to watch him do that to himself, and then laze around for the next three days while he recovered - not good for my daughter to see that at all.

It is the most heartbreaking, awful thing to be going what you are going through and I feel for you. I'm still in the midst of heartbreak, and have just moved out of our home with my daughter and we are steadily rebuilding our lives. The very best thing you can do is to concentrate on your baby (as I know you are), and if he is truly in love with you he will make EVERY effort and do anything in his power to be with you. You must understand that you are worth MORE than what he is giving you (or taking from you).

I finally had the courage to stand up to my ex partner and told him to stop contacting me, stop phoning, emailing, texting etc etc because I needed space to heal. You can do it - I have faith in you.

Answer 9

I wish I had some magic words for you, but I don't. It's going to take time and lots of it to start moving on and letting go. It hasn't even been a month yet. You need time to grieve and to come to terms with it.

I don't know if I am normal, but it took me 4 years to come to terms with my divorce. (I was married for 13 years with 2 kids) I did a lot of crying and asking ""why" for the entire 4 years.

Just give yourself time and don't try to make it happen sooner than it's suppose to.

Answer 10

It sounds to me as if you are stressing. Take your son and go. Dont let your kid be apart of this atmosphere. You sound like a wonderful person and you deserve much, much better. He sounds like an a**, excuse my language. If he loved you he would treat you and your son alot better. Try talking to him first and if that fails, move on. Trust me, you will find yourself smiling more than you ever have!!