How do you keep from going crazy with a new baby?

Question

I have a 3 month old daughter and my husband works 12 hour days, so I am pretty much the only one who takes care of her. When my husband comes home from work he needs to sleep solid until he has to go to work again. It seems like I never get a brake. What can I do to help me not resent my husband and daughter, because I know this isn't their fault.

Answer 1

Don't listen to the negative responses - people who aren't mothers don't know how stressful being in constant contact with a baby can be. We all love our babies (if you feel the opposite, please see a doctor, as it may be late-onset post-partum), but all that time together can be grating. Here's what worked for me, because by week 5 I was about to lost it, too:

* Nap when the baby naps. Everybody says it, nobody does it, but seriously: Unless you're getting solid overnight stretches of sleep (which I still don't get), you'll be amazed by how much better you feel with a couple extra hours a day.

* If you don't need extra sleep, pick up a creative hobby when she's sleeping. Reading and TV are relaxing, but I found you totally miss out on the fulfillment you get from creating something. Whether it's knitting, writing or drawing or whatever else, having tangible results from a project makes you feel productive, even if you just spent the rest of the day rolling around on the floor with your daughter.

* Call a babysitter. Even if you can't afford to do this very often, getting out for lunch with a friend even just once a week is like a god-send. Also, remember all those people at the baby shower who swore they'd love to babysit once your little bundle came? Time to cash in. Have a few hours at the library/mall/park or wherever by yourself, spend a night out with your hubby, get out of the house! Again, once in a while is enough to recharge the batteries. Also, if your husband has weekends off, maybe have him watch the baby for a while so you can get your hair done or write a thesis, whatever you need time to do. If he can watch her for a few hours on his days off you can even unwind at home in a bubble bath.

* Forget about the housework once in a while. It doesn't need to be spotless, the dishes can wait a night, you can do laundry tomorrow. Seriously, no one will think any worse of you. ESPECIALLY anyone who's ever been a mother.

* If you have other friends who are mothers, even if they're just acquaintances, try having playgroups or going for walks together. Sure, you may talk about poop, nap-times and breastfeeding problems the whole time, but having intelligent conversation with another adult (or anyone who can talk) is always good.

* Finally, you don't need to constantly drop everything for the baby. For instance, if you put her down for a nap, you just get in to a good book, and you hear her waking up... Do nothing. She may fall back asleep. If she doesn't, you can at least finish your paragraph. She's not going anywhere. You know when she's crying because she means it and when she's just fussing by now, so take your time when you know it's not serious.

Answer 2

The best words given to me were these "don't stamp permanent on a temporary situation". The bottom line is, you need a break. I'm not sure of your situation but is your husband working 7 days a week? Is it possible to have him watch the child on his day off or maybe hire a sitter so the two of you can go out together? I would communicate the fact that you are in need of a break - even if it's just for a few hours - take one. Some communities have play days where other stay at home moms get together with their children, you get to know each other; plan outings, check online to see what your community offers. The baby will only be a baby for a little while and life will change again. I have a 19 year old and a 2 1/2 year old; trust me, when you get use to the way things are, it will change again. Relax as best you can and enjoy your family. The work is hard sometimes but the payoff is out of this world! Hang in there mommy!

Answer 3

Sweet heart i know where you are coming from.I have a four month old and no babysitter ever.My husband is a great dad but he is the only one who works so I am the primary caretaker.The way i deal with it is when the baby sleeps i do something totally selfish like get on the computer or read a book.It doesn't always work sometimes i wake up and think oh great another day of this but you some how make it through.I resent my husband sometimes because he gets to leave and talk to people and go as he pleases and i never get a moments rest plus we are building a house and for the past six months he has had to go to the new house after work.It really sucks somtimes but i have no choice and i know he isn't doing it to hurt me or because he doesn't want to be a dad.I make him change diapers and take care of her when he is here that helps....Just talk to your husband and tell him just because you work doesn't mean you don't have to be a father.

Answer 4

Our first baby was born just two months before my husband started his own business. He worked 15 hours a day, 7 days a week for 10 months before taking a half day off! It was very stressful, but at least we could see an end to it. I found that making friends with other stay at home moms helped a lot. My need for friends led me to strike up a conversation with every mom at the park!, but eventually I made some really good friends who also have kids the same age.

If you have a group like that you can take turns sitting for each other. Rather than having a monetary exchange you can make up coupons to use among yourselves. The coupons help keep everything fair because everyone has the right to ask for services or say no without explanation, no one can be holding more than a certain number of coupons at a time, and if you've used all of yours you can't impose on your friends. (For example, everyone starts with 4 coupons worth 1/2 hour each, no one is allowed to have more than 8 coupons at a time).

You can also get a sitter that you pay for a couple of hours during the afternoon to go run errands or meet with friends. Also, you can hire a sitter to stay with the baby even when your husband is home sleeping so you can go out with friends some evening.

Answer 5

I know you're going crazy! It's like doing solitary with a relentless warden who you can't help but love to pieces...confusing!

It probably seems like you don't get a break because the only time you get to rest is when everyone else in the house is already asleep. Believe me, we've been there. It's rough, no doubt, but fortunately, you are--at this precise moment--at the point when it is the hardest. It will get easier, I promise.

But for now, you're going to have to carve out a bit of time for yourself. At 3 months, your daughter is old enough to visit a nursery (don't flinch, I didn't say daycare!) for an hour or so. Check around your area for a rec center with fitness classes, a 24-Hour Fitness or Bally's...some kind of fitness center that has classes. Make sure there is a nursery, and check to see how old your daughter has to be to be admitted. THEN: sign up for a class: yoga is very relaxing, pilates will make you feel like a million, spin, NIA, strength training, aerobics...find one that you like, and then GO as often as you can. Don't hang out on a treadmill; actually take a class. Meet some other moms, chat, kvetch...it will do wonders for your mental health. And, as an added benefit, you'll feel better, sleep better (when you get a chance to sleep) and look better. Your daughter will be with experienced caregivers for maybe an hour, and then she'll be back in your (calmer, happier, more focused) arms again.

I hope this helps. We're all pulling for you. Good luck--

Answer 6

I know what you mean. It is so easy to feel overwhelmed in your situation. But here are a few suggestions to cope, they helped me through and now I feel very able and happy and strong because I know I am capable of of patience, endurance, problem solving and so on.
First, remember that a 3 month old is very needy and time consuming, which of course is ok. But they change very fast and as they grow and become more independent, so do you. Remember how hard the first 2 weeks were? Now, things are a little better, and it keeps getting that way. Remember, everything is temporary!
Look at it this way. Your husband is able to provide for you and the baby, so now you don't have to pay someone else to raise your child. Start by thanking your husband for working so hard for his family. Plus you get to stay home to raise this child and you don't have to get up at night with the baby, go to work when you are tired, come home to take care of the baby plus all the hosehold chores.
Look at your situation as a great place to start a new adventure. Learn a new skill. Get a new hobby. Read. Learn photography and take darling pictures of your child, and how to preseve memories. Try cooking new dishes, make things for your home. Develop new friendships with other women who have babies. Church groups, or online support forums are great ways to talk with others who have things in common with you. Or just do something you always wanted to do at home, but couldn't.
One thing that really helps is to get a little journal and everyday for a while, jot down 3 things you are grateful for. For example, remember New Orleans or the tsunami victims and jot down that you are grateful for a house and food and your baby is provided for. Don't fret, motherhood is challenging but you will see as time goes on how much it develops you as a person and how rewarding it can be. Hang in there.

Answer 7

Momtobeinmarch has no idea!!! I understand. My hubby works from about 6 a.m. until 9 p.m. I do it all alone 6 days a week. I think the only thing I do to keep from being upset at any of them is remember it is only for a season. It will pass. Remember that your hubby would probably give anything to be able to stay home with her and you. He is doing it for you. She is just a baby and will get easier and harder at the same time. Just keep a smile and remember you are only given what you can handle. Be thankful you can have a child to take care of. How many women would give anything for that responsibility?!? Good luck

Answer 8

nap when she naps if your tired, or take advantage of her naps by getting a little "you" time in, i like a hot bath or reading a book or hey.. messin around on yahoo answers.
cut down on housework, i know it is an ever recycling mess, concidering you, the baby, and your husband to clean up after, but once she starts to get a little more mobility and the ability to sit and play on her own for a little while, you can pick up the pace again. so skip the dishes every once in a while, cook a store bought ready made meal, and put your feet up in that time you would've been doing those chores.
play and laugh with your baby as much as you can, and try to laugh when she's making you crazy to, because yeah, your crazy, but she loves you, and doesn't understand the stress your under.
and on my husbands days off, he gets two choices, house work or child care. what i am saying, is don't be afraid to ask for help. he's a parent too and its hard work.
also me and the husband like to ask grandparents to babysitt once in a while, usually on his day off, so we can get out for abit. even if we don't do anything. sometimes we just drop the kid off and go back home to be "alone" for a few hours.. TRY it!

Answer 9

It is completely normal to feel the way that you do. It is a big job to be a mom and it is very demanding, not only physically, but emotionally. Hang in there, it gets easier, and when people are unsympathetic, its because they have no idea how hard it really is, ignorance breeds stupidity. Take deep breaths and remind yourself that it will get easier. Find someone who will babysit once in while so that you can get some YOU time. Don't be afraid to take time for yourself every once in a while. HANG IN THERE!

Answer 10

I am in the exact same situation! I have a family member take my daughter overnight once every 2 wks and I still take a nap when she does. It is hard but I know that I am doing whats right for my family so I stick with it. If you have family to help even if they take your daughter once a month it will give you that break to "recuperate" and refresh yourself. Good Luck!!!