How do I get my parents to accept the fact that I am lesbian?

Question

I am in love with and committed to another girl. We have been best friends since 2nd grade, and starting last year we became romantic and sexual with each other. I still go out with guys and have sex with guys, a lot, and I really enjoy it, but I am only able to have a meaningful romantic relationship with a girl. I'm 15 and I'm pretty sure I am going to marry her. My parents aren't willing to accept this. What should I do?

Answer 1

Actually if you are having sex and going out with guys you are bi. Perhaps they wont accept it because you haven't made up your mind. They will over time but some things are hard to accept overnight. Good luck

Answer 2

Live your life. You'll be 18 and from then on, you'll call the shots--or perhaps not, we tend to be dependent during college--at any rate, you will do with your life what you please.
It is hard for some parents to accept these things. Some will hold on to the idea that you're just experimenting until you're 40 and it is impossible to go on denying it. I feel that just like they should understand that you are the expert in your sexuality--so if you say it it is probably true--you should accept that it is hard to accept this in your child if you've been prejudiced against it throughout your life. For some parents it is actually pretty painful--they believe they're totally cool with such things and then when it turns out to be their child they discover they are not as liberal or cool as they thought.
If they love you and they are reasonable, and you just continue to love women, they will come around. At the end of the day, they'll want you to be happy, and they will not want to force you to severe your relationship with them. But for now, they are probably fooling themselves thinking it is just temporary.
As long as they are not abusing you, I think the only way to convince them is time. If you are allowed to have your relationships, just keep having them. Evidence will pile up. In the mean time, cut the m some slack. They did not grow up with gay friendly shows on television, it is another generation.
If however they are being abusive, I'd try to find a teen line you can call if you need to--most states have a toll-free teen line that will offer you advice on how to speak to your parents about it and will help you if things get ugly.
Best luck to you.

Answer 3

Here's some news for you: you have sex with guys! You are not a lesbian if you enjoy having sex with guys. In fact, your commitment with this other girl is because gays are encouraged these days to express themselves and because it is no longer tabu (taboo) as it once was, you do it because you can. If you didn't have sex with this other girl, guess what you would have? What used to be called in the old days a best friend, a friend you love, one who you share your deepest feelings with. Here's news: this is not modern. It has been going on for centuries, this great thing called a love of a friend. It is only now in this more permissive environment (politically charged environment is really more like it), boundaries are down and it makes for a lot of confusion.
I guarantee you that your parents are devastated about the problem of how to deal with your confusion. You are getting a lot of emotional feedback and attention from them - which can be a heady experience for an adolescent. I guarantee something else; you will always be attracted to men. You will always have an attraction to sleep with men - because it is fun - and as you grow older, the world around you will look different to you. You will see a lot of cool people struggling with their sexuality. But you will also see a lot of cool people getting married (it will be ten years from now before you know it and you will have friends around you who have started families and have all kinds of sex lives with their husbands - ranging from mediocre to absolutely mind-blowing sex)!
You will at times wish you could be part of that and at times you will meet men who really turn you on - there are going to be a lot of men you cross paths with in this life - and you are going to want that.
The good news is that you can still have a deep friendship with your friend and a fulfilliing heterosexual life. You are just for some reason reluctant to see that now. Perhaps it is all the attention you are getting for being a dyke. That gets old. Fast. Time passes quickly and the attention is often going to be negative attention, the kind you don't need to paint yourself into a corner to get.
I sympathize. You're mixed up. I'm sorry. But you have choices you can make and you don't ever have to lose a friend.

Answer 4

They don't have to accept it - you're 15 and under their household. What you decide to do after you move out and are on your own is another thing. Try being 15 right now because it doesn't seem like you know that it is not legal to marry (woman/woman). By the way, we were all "in deep love" when we were 15 and 9 out of 10 of us are absolutely not still in that relationship.

Answer 5

I am a mom. If my daughter came to me and said I am a lesbian, I would have to ask questions. Not because I don't accept it, but because I want to make sure my daughter is happy and safe. When I was fifteen I was bi-sexual. I loved feeling the way you feel when you are in that close of a relationship. It wasn't until I was 18 that I knew for sure that I liked boys more than girls and then I got married and never looked at a girl in that way again. It just didn't do it for me anymore. Sage advice: When your 15 your hormone levels are soring HIGH and you feel turned on alot more than you do when you are thirty. You can have fun and get close but don't make any decisions yet, just leave yourself open for happiness to come. As far as mom goes, she's scared! It is tough being a mom! You want to be perfect at it, and that is an unrealistic goal! The best thing you can do for her is make sure your grades are good so she don't have to worry about you flipping burgers for a living. Have safe sex if you must have it! Lots of things can go wrong! Genital warts is a common one, it doesn't mean you have warts down there all the time, it means that you have a bug that can cause cervical cancer and if you want babies one day it could make it complicated to get pregnant which is very sad when your older and want that. You can get it by having sex once and not know you have it for seven years! It is Way Common! Then there are the other STD's, MONO, HIV, lots of things that your mom is scared to death that you could get! If you get it, telling your partner is murder- there's the possibility that they could get it too and not many young people want a relationship with someone who has it! Another big concern is having a baby when you are too young, some young people think having a baby isn't that difficult but it is life changing! You have to find a sitter, pay a sitter lots of money and buy food, formula, clothes, diapers, .. anyways a very long list that keeps growing as they grow! Then there is teaching them to talk, eat, walk, play, behave well with others, learn ABC, 123's and be there personal servent until they are 18 and move out, then when they do move out plan to babysit for them! It is a big life milestone that you don't want too early in life. If you get pregnant and don't want it, you can get an abortion and take a pill but the bond is made and you will never forget that you had a life inside of you. It is crazy! But True! Take it from a mom: Your mom loves you, she's scared and won't ever let you know that, she's going to do what she thinks is going to keep you safe and happiest. My mom didn't accept my husband until I was 29! I was married at 19. That is ten years of marriage and arguing with my mother, there were times where I cut her off form my life, times where I hated her, but in the end... I love her for caring about me so much! And our relationship is great .. now! Ask yourself this question. "Self-If I can't sit down with my mother and tell her..MOM I love you and I know you love me and what I am about to say is going to scare you and it scares me a little to tell you because I don't want to hurt you.. but I am a bisexual girl who is mostly lesbian and in love with a girl.. I want your support MOM because I am 15 years old and I feel I have to experience this in my life at this time. It is very important to me and I want to share my life story with you because I love you. Now Self If I don't have the courage to respect my mothers concerns and take them to heart and understand them and let her know by respecting myself enough to take care of my body and mind.. Self how am I to sit here and say that I am mature enough to make a Life decision or expect my mother to accept my choices? After asking yourself that question. And if you think you have the courage to tell your mother what you told yourself.. then and only then will I agree with the fact that you are mature enough to make a decision that you are lesbian at the age of 15.

Answer 6

Well gay or straight at 15 I wouldnt be so sure you are getting married. Things change and you need to experience life more

They may not accept but maybe they will tolerate it

Those are two different things. They may never accept. This is how life is Im afraid

Answer 7

Honey there is nothing you can do to make them accept it. I was in your same postion i met this girl when i was 15 years old and we are planning are wedding and are arrival of out new baby now. I love her with all my heart and it will NEVER change.. go to google and search PFLAG .. Parents and Friends of lesbians and Gays they helped me alots Just keep loving her and don't let ANYONE tell you any different if you need to talk to someone my email address is [e-mail] feel free to email me

Answer 8

First, you're way too young to think about that kind of commitment. Especially since you're also attracted to boys.

Second, your parents either accept you or they don't. You can't make them accept what you are. Usually they come around as you mature and they see that it isn't a "phase" and that it's the real (and permanent) you. I know it's hard not to have your parents acknowledge the real you, but there isn't a lot you can do about it..

And please protect yourself. The number of people you're having sex with worries me. You can get pregnant and you can catch any number of STDs. The more partners you have the higher the risk.

Answer 9

My best friends are lesbians and are sure they want to get married, even though one has cheated on the other, and loves another one more. I think they are just afraid to be lonely, I wouldn't want someone to cheat on me and admit to me that they love someone else more than me. I would just give it time. I think with my friends, they only they want is sex.

Answer 10

Give them time. They may just need to get used to the idea. They were also possibly hoping for grandchildren at some point, so that may be part of their problem.

Just go on with what makes you happy, and love your parents the best you can. With time and care they may come around.