A real personal look at my life. Need some advice.?

Question

Well, Ive been married to an alcoholic & drugs user for a year now. We dated for 6 yrs b4. Its been real bad. He also broke my wrist by pushing me. There is no trust or integrity in our marriage. We have 2 young children together & I have a older child from a previous relationship that sees/hears all the fighting & pain of this. I want a divorce but just can't seem to do it. I keep hoping he'll stop. My church & bible tell me Im not allowed to get a divorce unless he cheats on me(I think thats what thier saying). I feel trapped & scared. Im a stay at home mom & dont really have a career. I feel like I married him for the sake of the kids(I thought it was the right thing to do) & now Im so hating life. I have no family and very few friends(they ALL moved away). The part Im leaving out is, 3 days ago the love of my LIFE asked me to think about "us". We broke up 7 years ago b'cuz he moved to Cali and havent talked since. We were 2gether 4 2 yrs. Ive always loved him. What do I do?

I'm not looking to leave my husband for someone else. I 've wanted to leave him for 4 months now, since he broke my wrist.

I knew I would get some negitive feed back "You need help"...ect., but I guess I already knew that. This is the first time I've reached out about this. I have enough smarts not to jump right into a relationship w/ this other guy. I mean he lives in Chicago anyway, it's more of a How should I sort my feelings question.

Answer 1

I think you should do the hard thing and leave Check to see if there are any women groups/ shelters to help you out. Our community has a very good one. Don't start another relationship before you have some sort of control over your life and the lives of your children.

Answer 2

YOU MUST GO TO A SHELTER IMMEDIATELY!!!!! Do not hesitate. He will kill you and the kids if what you are saying about him is as serious as it sounds. There are women's shelter's to go to that will let you and your children stay there and be safe. You can find a job while you are there and they can offer some counseling. This is a very serious situation. Your children are a precious gift from God and need to have the stability of a loving home in order to grow up to be good people. This is so unfair for them. They did not ask for any of this. Please leave him as soon as you can. Take some clothes, some of the kids most precious things and go! DO NOT tell any one where you are. HE WILL NEVER STOP. I know this because of past experiences. You need to stand on your own two feet. Do not run to another man. Please. Grow up, accept the responsibility of being a mom and now take care of what God has given you. YOU are those children's ONLY hope.

Answer 3

The old flame dont even count in this one, and i am glad you arent trying to justify leaving for him. You have a legitimate reason to get out of that relationship. Think about it, would God want to see you abused? NO!!! He nor anyone else for that matter would blame you for leaving an abusive relationship.
Alcohol alone is enough.....i lived it for a year. Its hard to have a relationship with someone who is barely there even when he is. Much less the abuse. Mine was getting more and more aggressive with each arguement. I got out honey, and that was 2 months ago. I am 6 months pregnant now and all i can think of is........my God....I hope my son doesnt turn out like that. I dont want him to influence my son in anyway unless it is positive. He isnt a positive roll model and neither is yours.
Your kids deserve to know what love really is and need to see it, otherwise, they will think the behavior they grew up seeing all their life is the "way its supposed to be". Girls will think its ok to be abused and boys will think they need to abuse.
Get out and do it quick. When you leave, dont look back. Burn that bridge and dont ever ever rebuild it. Sometimes you just gotta do what you know deep in your heart is right.
And if anyone says anything....which if they know the story i am sure they wont....but just in case.....u keep in mind......they didnt walk in your shoes and feel your pain. You take care of you and your babies. People will understand and so will God.
I wish you all the best in the world. And down the line.....I honestly hope you and the love of your life end up happy. You deserve it. Be careful not to take any bitterness with you when you enter into your next relationship.
Good luck.

Answer 4

Well only you can tell you what to do with your life. I am no expert but i have been young and seen my mom being beat and she stayed in the marriage because she thought it would be best for the kids and it was the worst thing she could have ever done. So my advice to you is get out of the marriage because wither you like it or not a abuser and druggie in a marriage is not going to work no matter how much you want it to. I understand that your church says you shouldnt get a divorce unless he cheats but would they want you to saty in a marrige where you get beat and weither you notice or not your children willl remember like i do. I have horrible memories that wont go away of my mom getting beat and trust me you dont want you kids to have the same ones as i do

Answer 5

Get up off the computer. Take your children and leave now. Don't waste another second of your life in this relationship. If he refuses to change, you can't change him. He's physically abusive, and a known drug user. Ask yourself this, who is this harder on? You or your children?

And as far as the church and bible are concerned, I'm sure if the members of your church were in a similar situation, their mindset would be completely different. It's one thing to preach from the pulpit, let them try preaching from the real world where things go on that aren't covered in the bible.

My opinion is this. You have the ability to change the lives of your children. To find something better for them. Don't think that this abuse isn't affecting them cause it is I assure you. If you are worthy of the title of "Mom" you'll put your kids before yourself and do what's best for them regardless of how you feel.

And screw any church member or verse of the bible that says differently. Personally, I think a new book of the bible needs to be written to expand on what to do if your spouse is a dope fiend/alcoholic/weirdo. They didn't have crack, smack, heroin, or whatever other drug problems when the bible was written. I'm sure that Joseph would've kicked Mary to the curb if she had a crack habit.

The words in the bible were written by MAN, not God. Man by his very nature is flawed, however divinely inspired. Therefore the bible (written by man) is flawed. God gave us the bible through the divinely inspired as a BASIC guide for living life. Do what you know in your heart is right and true.

God understands hon. Trust in that.

Answer 6

Please seek help.Either through your Pastor or a "Crisis Hot line". You and your children should not live in this kind of lifestyle.
I know what the Bible says about divorce,but it is better to leave and be safe and alive,than to stay and maybe lose your life from his abuse.
Get your life together before you bring someone else into it. And then,if it's meant to be, you and him can build a life together if that is still what you want..But by all means,get to safety!!!
I'll say a prayer for you and your children.. Peace be with you! Ladybug

Answer 7

In church and the bible it says a man should treat his wife with respect, and unto the Lord. That means he isn't suppose to be hitting you and mistreating you, physically or emotionally. You have every right to walk out of the marriage, for your safety and your childrens. I am a Christian, and I know that God would not permit a woman to stay in a physical or mental abuse marriage. Abuse is abuse. It isn't permitted or accepted by God. You better leave before it gets worse and your children are left with a abusive father. I don't mean to scare you, but unless you take action to leave while you have the chance,, you may not get that opportunity if it gets worse. I wish you alot of luck for you and your children!

Answer 8

Well honey dont go to your ex on a rebound.......that would just make your life a little more complicated than it already sounds.....if you are in california call 211 for resources of many places that can help you in many ways,,,,otherwise think about what is best for you( i believe you know what to do) because believe it or not, what is best for you is best for the kids......i hear you on how this is a hard thing to even begin ( the divorce) but until you take a stand for yourself you will never know what life has to offer a special person such as yourself and that special person will continue to hide in darkeness and lose herself and become someone who is forein to her self and others....especially her kids.......start a divorce and look into school, think about your interests and skills and begin a new search for life for YOURSELF not this new ex dude or the current one or any dude woman, WAKE UP and start living,. Good luck. May God bless you and your little ones as He has blessed me and my little ones.:)

Answer 9

if you are a chirstian, which is why you say you don't want to leave, you have to think that you had kids with him before you married him so its not like your an angel. I'm not judgeing you. he is on drugs and has hit you, get out. as for the other guy, you need help! you need to go to therapy and/or your preacher to help you. You can not get in a other realionship til you have had time and help. Abuse women are not mental stable enought to make a new realionship work.

Answer 10

Please find help. You need to get out of this relationship for your sake but more so for the sake of your children. You do not want them to repeat the relationship patterns they are learning from seeing what you are going through. There are plenty of organizations out there that can help you and children get out of this situation. I'm sure your church is a good place to start and find some help. Good luck to you.