How can I get my new hubby to loosen up intimately?

Question

I have been married for almost six months. My husband and I decided to wait until we were married to have sex, and I was looking forward to trying new things and basically getting crazy in the bedroom! My man is a naturally shy and easily embarrassed person, so I have found it difficult to get him to open up. We have only tried 2 different positions and when I joke about jumping his bones, sometimes he tells me to stop! We love each other a lot, and I want this part of our relationship to be good like the rest of it is... it's just not turning out the way I expected...Any ideas?

Answer 1

Dont pressure him too much (see link below) too much. Its very new too him obviously, and just because most people would think this is unusual --its not really. He is obviously an honorable man being able to wait. But if he is embarrased he might be feeling he is above this type of passion. I think its very very important to let him know he is having and pleasing YOU and its not about 'the act' or some abstract thing called 'sex'. In a society saturated with such views sex can be easily subtracted from love and from an intimate very personal relationship between a husband and wife so much so that when somebody like your husband is to have sex (in marriage) society is telling him "you are having sex the same thing people do everywhere even if they are not in love or are just paying somebody to do it or that porn movies show "etc In other words the media and society have objectified sex (like it objectifies women) so its just a 'thing' to do you know. Your husband doesnt want a part of that (again he must be an honorable man) --so tell him its not "having sex" its "making love to the woman who has dedicated her life to you" a physical manifestation of your special bond of true love that you two have with each other. Thats it. And 'wild and crazy' is fine because its about pleasing each other since you have dedicated yourselves to each other forever. Its not 'bad' or 'dirty'. porn is dirty. Have wild and crazy sex but dont belive the hype to "watch' porn together --that is the hallmark of objectifiying sex and women of making it just another thing to do instead of it being about sharing your love with each other.


Well, I think it takes a special type of person to want to wait until marraige. Are you religious? If you are Christians then you should tell him that not only does the scriptures say to wait before you are married but that it isn't right not have it when you ARE married (the media and popular culture likes to avoid saying this they want you to think being a christian is like being a monk or something --which is the opposite of what the faith teaches for married couples). Paul in 1 cor says that you both have to fulfull each other sexually. AND has he ever read the SONG OF SONGS. Thats a book in the bible and is under Christian faith just as inspired as any of the other books that make up the scriptures. The Song of Songs talks about ...sex! And not just sex but contains some very passionate *ahem* things the young marrieds do. The point is the Christian faith is not about denial but about fullfillment (yes sexual too) but at the right time! Once that time arrives (in marriage) he owes it to you to be "wild and crazy" as long as its between the two of you.
If you are jewish conservatives I would say the same (above statement). If you are both not religious but just wanted to keep yourselves for each other (cool) -then I would still ask him to read the above and sit down and tell him (Im sure he knows but he needs to hear it I think) that this is an important part of married life for you and is important!
I am one of those people like you and your husband who believes in waiting to have sex in marriage and not before. Except when I find my girl --I plan to make up for lost time! What is wrong with that? Nothing ! Also here is a great article on how a wife can ignite her husbands passion (below link).

Answer 2

I think, acceptance will be the ultimate way to his heart. If you get too pushy, you will risk pushing him away. This is a problem with "saving it" for after you're married - you kind of don't know what you're going to get. Unfortunately, in a relationship between a more "open" and more "timid" partner, the timid partner calls the shots - i.e., you simply can't "make" someone be wild, you always have to play at their level. I would say, let things take their course. Make him feel wanted and accepted - as he feels more comfortable with you, he might be willing to open up more; but it has to happen naturally. He will probably always be somewhat conservative - this is something you have to come to terms with; but it is possible that he will learn some new tricks as time goes by.

Answer 3

You need to give him time, in my case was the opposite, I was the one who was shy and didn't want to try out new things, Then after so many months I felt like I was comfortable and confident about what I was doing, I think he just needs time, You guys love each other, that is the main point, cause that is where the love making begins. Good Luck just need to be pacient, OK? Sincerely, Laura

Answer 4

I suggest that you have patience and understanding. If your husband is not publicly affectionate then keep you ideas to the bedroom. You might try looking into some books to give you some ideas. You could also just try different things while you are having sex. If you are the one with the ideas then try to incorporate them during sex. The only way you are going to find out what he likes and what you like is to explore. It sounds to me like you are going to have to be subtle about your ideas and basically ease him into them if that is possible. I think with a little time and understanding he will eventually come out of his shell and begin to enjoy the idea of trying different things.

Answer 5

Try showing him what you enjoy. For example, if you're in the missionary position, move to a different one. Lead him along. Take charge slowly and gently w/out scaring him off. Make him feel that he's in charge, but make him do what you want him to do. You're a woman, i'm sure you have creative ways of making men think that they're in charge while they're really not. Hope that helps. Good Luck.

Answer 6

If you waited until you were married, you no doubt surprised your man with your freakiness! Not that that's bad mind you, just surprising. You have to find a way that appeals to him. He doesn't like you talking dirty to him? Fine. Buy a kamasutra book, some wine, and tell him that tonight you want to try page 12. It won't be easy. You are taking him out of his comfort zone where his shyness keeps him. Go easy on him girl!

Answer 7

Take it easy girl! You will first have to let him know that you are comfortable with him, and introduce things slowly. It's hard to believe that he isn't trying to jump your bones! Men honestly don't know what women want, but you can over time get him to be the tiger you want if you take it slow and don't run him off! enjoy giving him lessons.

Answer 8

LOL...why can't you be my wife???

Seriously, talk to him about your fantasies, turn-ons, etc. Tell him that you want to be more expressive with him. Maybe he is worried about performing too quickly because these things would get him very excited. Just break him in slowly and let him know how much you appreciate him helping make your fantasies come true. Be gentle, but most importantly, have fun! ;)

Answer 9

try being a little aggreesive... in a nice way. Have u tried giving him some oral? start with that and ask him to try it on u. try blind folding him so he can't see ur eyes and maybe it will allow him to let u get down to business. Try being sexy with him in unusal places.. like flashing him in the car, take him to make out places and have sex with him. go out without panties and flash him with no one around.. getting him more comfortable with experimentations.

Answer 10

Watch some pornos together. Or take him to an adult book store and show him what toys you may like to try with his help. Try setting up a scavenger hunt with him. Go around town and leave little clues for him to find you. Make him buy a few fun items along the way and when he gets to the hotel you are waiting naked for him in, he will understand what the whip cream and dildo are for! lol